I was in my mid-40s when I made an appointment with my GYN, with whom I had a great relationship.
“Something’s wrong,” I said. “My libido has completely disappeared. I have no desire.” That was a huge change for me and I was concerned.
It was then, and only then, that I learned about some of the ways peri-menopause could affect women. Because no one in my mother’s generation passed this information down. Sure, I knew about menopause, but only because an aunt suffered from terrible and visible hot flashes. My mother simply slid through the ‘pauses without any obvious signs. Like I did. And she NEVER talked about sex. EVER.
I swore then that I’d talk to young women about these things so they’d be better prepared.
But my favorite midlife sex blogger, Walker Thornton, has gone a step further. She’s just published a slim volume with a month’s worth of beautiful and simple things women can do to rekindle desire in their lives. Because for many women, libido flags. It just does. That’s reality. And it’s easy to lose sight of the pleasures of touch and sex in the course of every day life, whether you’re over 45 or a young mom with way too much to do.
The book is Inviting Desire: a guide for women who want to enhance their sex life, by Walker Thornton and it’s good. Very good. It’s not about reversing the aging process or reinventing how we look. Thank God. It’s about the reality of waning sexuality for many women — and how to enrich post-partum, busy mom, midlife and senior sex life. Even if you’re single. That’s right. Even if you’re single! She says it’s a book about self-love and respect, and she’s right.
Desire can be tricky at this stage of life. It’s not that hormone-laden thing it once was for many of us. But really, desire can be tricky at any age, and that’s the truth. So this book isn’t just for us older folk.
What I love about Walker’s book is that it’s realistic and she gets right to the point. She talks about what can happen to women’s sexuality in this stage of life (or with chemo or for any reason) and then gives easy-to-follow exercises, imagery and activities all meant to invite desire back into our lives. She says it’s written as a 30-day journey,but that readers might want to spend more time on a particular activity. I can’t say enough about how easy and lovely the activities are and also how effective. They’re not “hang from the chandeliers” suggestions, either. There’s plenty that women who are a little shy about sex can do without feeling self-conscious.
But of course, Walker is a sex-positive writer who sees sexuality as a healthy and important part of life.
Inviting Desire is available on Amazon and would make a great gift for yourself. Because gifts we give ourselves are some of the most important of all. And the gift of re-inviting desire back into your life has a great aftereffect, doesn’t it?
For the right midlife book group, it might make a great selection just for the discussion alone. Yes, I did say the “right” book group.
So do yourself a favor. Head right over to Amazon and pick up this little book. Your life will be enriched.