About the 2015 Oscars

February 24, 2015

The 2015 Oscars.  Where do I begin?

Oh wait. First I have to awaken from the coma this year’s Oscar telecast put me in.  OK, coffee’s made and first few sips downed.

Who WERE some of these presenters? I loved the days of real Hollywood stars. We all knew their names. And they had easy names. “Bette Davis.” “Marilyn Monroe.” “Lena Horne.” Presenters need phonetic scripts for some of today’s names and I needed constant captions.  One of my social media friends had a game going where every time she didn’t recognize a presenter or award recipient, she’d take a drink. Haven’t heard from her since.

OscarsWhen dignity flies out the window. As much as I admire a man who is in such great shape his almost naked body looks perfect in High Definition TV, Neil Patrick Harris, what WERE you thinking, leaping around in tighty whities with your junk so perfectly defined? I did not want to know so much about you. Was that a ridiculous segment or what? Why did you–a grown man and prodigious talent– allow your dignity to be lost in that way? He said it wasn’t enhanced, just…covered up a little more for modesty. But let me look away, Dougie. Because you look terribly inappropriate for your age.

 Fashion flop. That horrible green plant climbing ScarJo’s neck was…oh, that was a necklace? I thought she could just slap a headdress on and walk the Vegas stage.

 Pancake boobs. Jenny from the Block needs to take some of her money and put it toward taste lessons. Oh, JLo, you do have a GREAT body. And that dress was pretty. Except for the way the plunging neckline smashed your boobs so flat you looked like you had two pancakes there.  I mean, seriously, WHY do these hot women wear unflattering outfits that show their form but do nothing for it?  Enough already. Cover them up, lift them up and get some class.


 Calling Guiliana Rancic: eat a cookie. You looked like a lollipop–big head, stick body. Now you look like you suffer from wasting disease. Seriously, this girl’s got an eating disorder. Seriously. Calling Intervention…..


 Sorry Joan, that’s show business. Joan Rivers wasn’t in the memorial segment. What idiot made THAT decision? That’s a huge FAIL in my book.


Best moment of the show. Who knew Lady Gaga could sing so beautifully? Apparently, she’s classically trained. She sounded it, too. Her tribute to The Sound of Music got her a standing O and she deserved it. She looked beautiful, she sounded beautiful and OMG she is engaged to Taylor Kinney, the hottest man on the TV show, Chicago Fire.  It’s a good year for Gaga. So glad you took off the red rubber gloves for that number. Now, get those awful arm tattoos removed, girlfriend!

Glory performance and equal rights speech. Yes, yes and yes.

Womens’ rights revival.  Looks like women in Hollywood are bucking back against the usual state of affairs: wage and other inequality. Glad to see them speaking out.

If anything else happened, I wouldn’t know. I fell asleep from boredom.

Note to Oscars producers: invest in some good writing talent. My dog’s available. And could write better gags.


25 comments on “About the 2015 Oscars
  1. Yup. I agree. With all you said. Plus Julie Andrews, and the speeches about staying weird, calling your mother and a shout out about Alzheimer’s and portrayals of disability (Eddie Redmayne’s.)

    BRING BILLY CRYSTAL BACK! I miss him – actually I really miss Johnny Carson hosting but that’s another story.

    I think they need a comedian who is quick witted and fast on their feet. NPH should stick to what he’s great at – the Tony’s. Ellen, Whoopi – they’d be great hosts again. But my vote is for Billy.

  2. Carol Graham says:

    All your descriptions were nothing short of perfect. The most boring show ever.

  3. What a great, entertaining recap Carol. I agree 100%. 🙂

  4. I think most people agree with you but, I’m sorry but I loved the green dress and the necklace. I think I would have picked a gold or silver but I loved the style.
    I did not get to see Lady Gaga sing. i will see if I can find it on You Tube.

  5. I didn’t watch but… pick my jaw up off the floor, you really didn’t know Lady Gaga could sing? OMG! 🙂 Also, leaving Joan out… I’ve heard discussion of it from others. But the last year of her life, she was cruel with her jokes about people and she lost me as a fan. I’m sorry her life ended so tragically, but she was a comedian, not a movie star. I understand why they left her out. Now if they leave her out of a Comedy equivalent of the Oscars, then I would say “WTF”.

    I have no interest in watching these stupid awards shows, not sure what the draw is, can someone explain? xo.. love you!

  6. The necklace Scarlett Johansson appeared to be wearing is actually part of the dress. It’s ugly either way.

    “Old” Hollywood is literally dying off. Not knowing who the newer actors and actresses are is understandable, since you probably don’t see many of the movies they’re in (targeted for younger audiences), but the changing of the guard in Hollywood is inevitable and, in some ways, exciting.

    I would rather see a fresh new face of some handsome young man I’ve never heard of than ever see John Travolta as he is now again.

  7. You are correct, Carol. This show should have been condensed to an hour, showing only the highlights you mentioned. I miss the glamour of Hollywood. Can you imagine Bette Davis or Ingrid Bergman sitting through that horrid song from the Lego movie? And, between the show and the movie Gone Girl, I’ve seen way too much of Harris’ underwear.

  8. Kimba says:

    Thank you! Have been in an argument with my BFF who thought it was, and I am not joking, the best Oscars ever. Snorefest for moi. Oh, and about the Lady Gaga fiancee – I fell for him in the mediocre movie “The Other Woman.” He plays the Cameron Diaz love interest. LG is one lucky woman indeed.

  9. Diane says:

    For the first time in memory, the Tolley clan, in its entirety, missed the Oscars. The show wherein we usually sit and watch the pre-show. The pre-pre-show. The Super Bowl and Highlight of the (non-sports-watching) Tolley year. But now I’m beginning to see that we really didn’t miss anything. Whew!

  10. Helene Cohen Bludman says:

    I didn’t love the Oscars this year for many of the reasons you mentioned, but also because Birdman was not the best movie of the year (in my humble opinion). As far as NPH’s underwear sketch, that was totally a spoof of Birdman, but why not spoof the other nominees then, too?

  11. Joy says:

    Believe me, I soooo wanted to love NPH hosting the Oscars. But I felt so bored and the jokes fell flat. Is it just me? And yes, someone absolutely needs to do an intervention for Guiliana Rancic. Everytime my husband sees her on tv, he asks if she’s anorexic. Can’t blame the guy for saying what I’ve been thinking all along.

  12. Alas, now I know why I never waste the time. The protocol the Academy uses to vote is such a disappointment to me and the fact that the Oscar winning movies never appeal to me personally, make this a sure-fire program to miss. Thanks for the humorous recap.


  13. Carol, I couldn’t agree more. Ditto. I’m ashamed to say that I stayed up to watch the entire show and was disappointed up until the last award for “Birdman.” I did enjoy listening to Lady Gaga but wish she wore a better dress.

  14. Andi says:

    I was so bored too! My hubby didn’t know who Lady Gaga was and I kept saying, “wait. any second now she is going to bust out with some crazy outfit and rap a Julie Andrews song” but she never did and she sounded amazing and I was shocked!

  15. Ruth Curran says:

    I missed all of it and now am not all that sorry! I am sure you hit the high points with pancake boobs and “eat a cookie”! Thanks for the smiles!

  16. Have to agree with every single bit of it! Lady Gaga knocked it out of the park sure surprised me and she looked so normal not like the usual crazy costumes.

  17. This was great! I so agree with you. I cannot watch that E! commentator. I just want to jump in the TV and shove food down her throat. How is this not an issue. Also tired of the political commentary. It’s hard to take stars seriously talking about the plight of others when they are walking away with $150,000 worth of gifts in their goody bags.

  18. Carolann says:

    Everything you said was completely right on! I have nothing else to add because you said it so perfectly! I agree about Gaga too…those tats have to go! Otherwise, it was a stunning performance!

  19. I was so disappointed in Neil Patrick Harris and it was one of the most boring shows in a while. Of course, naming Birdman and its director for top honors was the icing on an already horrible cake to me. I couldn’t stand that movie.

  20. Chloe says:

    I missed the whole thing. At first I was upset, but now I’m glad I didn’t waste any of my dwindling life on it. I caught up on the highlights on youtube.

    Poor John Travolta. He needs to have his stylist talk to George Clooney’s stylist. It’s time to put some grey in that toupe, John.

    It’s gotta suck getting old in Hollywood.

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