Ruminations on a big booty

April 11, 2016

big-bootyI distinctly remember my 20-year-old future husband’s first words to me. They were in a bar near Syracuse University, where we both went to school.  I walked by and there he was, sitting on a bar stool with a beer surrounded by his fraternity brothers.

“Nice ass!” he said.

I distinctly remember throwing my beer at him.

Yes, I was feisty, even then.

But it was love at first sight.

The truth is, I never had much of an ass. It was flat as a pancake, to be honest, and it didn’t matter to me. I had long legs, a large, natural bosom and I never gave my booty a thought. No one did back then.

Oh, and young women? Appreciate your gorgeous and nubile body while you have it, because one day in the future you’ll look at photos of your beautiful self back then and say something like “OMG! Whose legs are those?”  Trust me on that. So love love love yourself. And no, you are NOT fat.

The big booty claim to fame & fortune

Anyway, about the time that the vile K family came to our attention, so did big booties. It always amazes me that the K girl turned a video of her and her big butt having anal sex into a multimillion dollar industry for cosmetic surgery in butt implants.

Now look. If you come by your big booty honestly, as in were born with it, no problem.

What I don’t understand is why women who don’t have big booties think they should get butt implants, some of them large enough that their butts could be used as a snack table.

Now, I am by nature an apple, like my mother, always looking for my waistline.  Being an apple-shaped woman is not healthy. It has to do with how we carry fat.  While we may like to think of ourselves as a delicious Red Delicious or fun-loving Gala, we’re really just headed for trouble if we carry weight in the middle.

It was quite a surprise to read research showing that men see pear-shaped women as more attractive.  Some anthropologists say the reason men like pear-shaped women better is evolution–with that big rear end come big hips and the ability to bear more children. Could be.

In recent years, though, my apple started moving toward pear and I got a derriere.  Pretty word, but it wasn’t so pretty.  So when my doctor, known around here as Mean Mommy, cracked the whip, it meant bye-bye booty. Despite the popularity of big asses, I was happy to bid some of mine goodbye. Which is what makes the concept of butt implants so strange to me.

Sorry, but….

…..I will never, ever support the concept that anything that makes you feel better –such as cosmetic surgery– is a good thing. I mean, that’s a great argument in favor of shooting heroin, if you think about it. So no, I’m not going to say “yes, embrace cosmetic surgery as a matter of self-esteem.” Ever. Because if it takes adding boobs or a rear end for women to feel “better” or even good about themselves? We have big problems. Of course, we know we have big problems. This is just more evidence.

It troubles me that getting more education, doing more good in the world, accomplishing something meaningful–that those things aren’t what make women feel “better” about themselves.

Body image has become synonymous with self-image and it’s not pretty.

So, hey, I don’t miss my ass at all. And I’m working on that apple thing because I want to be healthy and live the long life that is denied to many.

I look at pictures of my young, nubile self with nostalgia and a little amazement. I’ll never look like that again. Which is ok.  I’m almost 65 and that’s a pretty big accomplishment.  I don’t think like I did at 21, so why would I want to look that age?

Note to young women of today: aspire to be more than a big booty.

Note to women my age:  Age is a gift denied to many. Forget sad and desperate attempts to hang on to lost youth. Those days are gone. True happiness can only come by embracing who we are today and all that goes along with it.

63 comments on “Ruminations on a big booty
  1. Jennifer says:

    Truth! I have large hips and with that comes a bigger butt and that’s OK as long as I’m not compromising my health. But pay to have someone give me a butt? Why? So I can pay to have it removed in ten years when the craze is no butt again? No thank you.

  2. Carla says:

    As I watch my tween prepare to become a teen I long to make her appropriate the mantra: I am not my vessel I am not my vessel I am not my vessel

  3. Robin Masshole Mommy says:

    I am not a fan of cosmetic surgery either, but this day in age we are taught that we have to be perfect – and that is sad.

  4. Carolann says:

    I agree! I’ve seen a lot of women suffer at the hands of cosmetic surgeons too.I don’t think people will stop trying to improve on themselves doing whatever it takes to get there. The whole huge lip thing makes me nuts too. I think lip injections look awful. I’ve never seen a set of lips done that actually looked good. When will we learn? Great article Carol!

  5. Jennifer says:

    I love that you tossed your beer in his face! I have a flat booty and can’t imagine getting it implanted. I’d rather have my tailor take my pants in! I look at pictures of myself 10 years ago and wonder where that body went! Gotta embrace what we have and be grateful to have gotten this old.

  6. Haralee says:

    Can I give a huge AMEN! I am not a fan of any implants. As a woman who has always had ‘junk in the trunk’, let me clearly state, shopping for pants is not easy. When the K girls come out with their own trouser line, I will be a customer. As a breast cancer survivor, I have seen and heard too many woman talk about problems with their implants to endorse them.

  7. Leanne says:

    I don’t get butt implants, I don’t get giant basketball shaped boobs, I don’t get huge lips or any of the other “beauty” adjustments going on. Why can’t we just be happy with what we’ve got – I miss my perky boobs (pre-babies) but not enough to get cut open and stuffed with silicone. Let’s age gracefully for goodness sake!

  8. Robin Herman says:

    In my family it was called “a cute tushy”and it came with an affectionate pat. Different concept than the K girls model.

  9. I’d be happy to part with some of mine, if anyone’s paying for it!
    Most Indian women were known to have broad hips and a big behinds. However, I see that’s changing and many young girls are so skinny that I wonder if they’ll have problems with their preganancies, should they want to have babies. How this has happened, I’m not sure.
    My focus too is on being healthy.

  10. Amy Putkonen says:

    Great message, Carol. There is so much more to life than a big butt!

  11. I am apple shaped (a little bigger now in midlife. Ha!) and I hate all the hullaballoo about the K Family. Grr. Go au naturel. But don’t flaunt it. I can’t get used to how over the top they are, or for that matter, how a lot of women are. Be proud of who you are but have some dignity about it. Jeese!

  12. I really don’t get implants at all! I have a flat butt and big boobs. If it was up to me, I’d have flat boobs too LOL

  13. Tamara says:

    As someone who’s written a book titled (not by me 😉 ), Ultimate Booty Workouts, I’m a big fan of big butts. But only those that come from some good old-fashioned squats, lunges and dead lifts. All good exercises, by the way, for helping with that apple shape!

  14. Glenda says:

    I remember smacking a guy who grabbed my butt. Feisty and wanted to be taken seriously. I showed him. So well written. The vile K family sure does have a twisted sense of self. Sad how they’re glorified. In some cultures. Mine included (African American) an ample bottom is considered sexy, beautiful…you name it.

  15. hillsmom says:

    It seems to me that when one turns 60, everything drops six inches. What you are not told is that it keeps going. As for the Kdouchians…whoever, is that what the oft mentioned video was about? Ewwww, glad I never saw it.

    You have the right idea about coming to peace with your own body, but I wish my long narrow feet were some smaller…they just keep elongating. Sigh 😎

  16. tara pittman says:

    I like my small but. Big things on my body would be too weird.

  17. I was born without an ass at all. According to my husband I have “Assital disease” meaning “I have no ass at all”. Neither does he so it’s all good, I still can’t imagine getting butt implants. I look back at pictures when I thought I was so fat and I see a beautiful, skinny girl that I used to be. Which just goes to show that most of how you look is based on how you see yourself. If you feel fat then you are fat. If you feel beautiful then you will be beautiful. I think we all forget that sometimes.

  18. Anna Palmer says:

    I love every word of this. And it comes at a great time for me. Thank you.

  19. I don’t like to say “I just don’t get it,” because I do try and understand perspective that isn’t like my own. But it just seems like a lot to go through for the sake of appearance which is going to change no matter what.

  20. Very on target and timely. We are more than our appearance. If we focus more on helping others, the world would be a better place.

  21. I cannot stand the “K” family and the influence they have on people. I feel no need to “enhance” myself. I was made the way I am for a reason and the right people will love me for who I am.

  22. Michelle R says:

    Your headline made me laugh and I had to read. So funny! But so true. I find myself wondering about the tendency toward implants. I mean, we all see ladies at the gym who have gone above and beyond to have zero body fat, which also means no fat in one’s chest. So they feel compelled to go under the knife to have a C-cup. It’s unrealistic. Why are implants necessary? Why isn’t that beautifully sculpted physique enough? And I truly don’t get butt implants – what the heck?! What does one’s ass look like if they have to be removed?? I find it all troublesome…and hope the pendulum will swing back toward loving one’s body as is.

  23. I loved reading this! I also don’t believe in cosmetic surgery. I’m a Christian, and I believe that God made us the way He did for a reason — in His vision.

  24. Christina says:

    Embrace our butts! New slogan for 2016!!
    Seriously though, we were watching a movie the other night and my daughter says’oh, that’s fake. Her butt is fake.’ And I was like, um, why or how is that even a thing?!?

  25. tina says:

    Amen!!! I, too, am almost 65 (well, 63!!) and I will never look like I did at 25. And, like you, I don’t THINK like that, either. Over the years, I have discovered I earned every single one of these gray hairs, and I wear them proudly. I have also earned these hips (the better to hold grandchildren) and these wrinkles are not age lines but instead marks of experience. My advice to young people is this: You’d better enjoy every minute of it because it’s gone in a second. Would I consider changing anything? NO WAY!!! Changing what the Good Lord gave me simply doesn’t make any sense to me!

  26. I agree, Carol. There is way too much emphasis on our bodies and not our hearts and souls! My daughter has already told me that there will be no talk about our bodies in front of my granddaughter, Aviva. That means – I can’t ask if this outfit makes me look fat or hippie or mention that there is more of me to love today! She want’s none of that chatter in Aviva’s life from the women she holds the dearest. I think it is such a wonderful idea. We have to break this body shaming! One woman at a time!

  27. Ruth Curran says:

    Only you can so gracefully compare shooting heroine and cosmetic surgery and get away with it!! I was nodding in agreement and then cracked up! And maybe only M can say “nice ass”, get a beer in the face, and still marry you twice!

  28. Melisa says:

    I have wide hips and a flat ass. I can’t win for losing. My saving grace to my figure is that I have a nice discernible waist line. The rest of it is garbage.

  29. Liv says:

    LOL. Yes…unlike the vile K family (which I’m going to call them now) it is important to strive to outdo your butt.

  30. “Age is a gift denied to many. Forget sad and desperate attempts to hang on to lost youth. Those days are gone. True happiness can only come by embracing who we are today and all that goes along with it.” I love this so much! Thanks for an inspiring post!

  31. Will lots of imperfections one can have and with the trends going on, people do result to having cosmetic surgeries. I never thought of doing things like this. I am contented with what I have.

  32. Ha! I love that you threw a beer in M’s face! Funny but I can picture it too. On board with you on this one, not a fan of all the nonsense surrounding the K family. At all. But regarding cosmetic surgery? Eh, I say to each his own. I knew a man once who had a nose that was positively disfiguring, he had it changed via surgery and I have to say he was elated. I was genuinely pleased for him.But yes, I wish our society would focus way more on making the world better versus obsessing about their weight and such.

  33. Elizabeth O. says:

    I guess it has something to do with the standard that we set for young women. We will always lean towards what our potential partner wants, and that really breaks my heart. I don’t really agree with cosmetic surgeries and the like, but we all think differently. I guess, it’s really just live and let live.

  34. Your so right, I am flat chested but do have a booty but even though I wish my boobs were bigger I would never resort to surgery!

  35. Nicole Escat says:

    We have our own imperfections. Glad you do that to the guy! Thanks for sharing your experience.

  36. HAHAHa what a funny and lovely way to meet. I mean.. I would be mad too at the moment.. but after some years (many) it would be like a really great story!

  37. Urvi says:

    Love reading your article. I was skinny when I was in school, but now I am trying to reduce weight.. Isn’t it crazy? I don’t like surgery for anything.u

  38. Lawrence Hamilton says:

    I never understood certain things. Silicone is a glue used for gluing truck parts together. On that note. Women change over time. Men change over time. You weren’t built or expected to stay the same anything forever. Why pay to have a truck glue in your boobs, butt or anywhere else? And those things have exploded. It’s not pretty – if you survive it. Be who you are and be happy with it.

  39. Dana says:

    I love your message and feel that both notes apply to both age groups. We should really learn to love the skin we’re in.

  40. Kevin Wagar says:

    Trends come and go, but the best body to have is your own!

  41. Not a fan of plastic surgery and agree you should love yourself for what you are.

  42. Christine says:

    Love it! This is inspirational. And you’re story’s great, haha! 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

  43. Maya says:

    Love this post through and through!!!!!

  44. Mardene Carr says:

    Every kind of implant scares the bejeezas out of me. These days it is hard to tell with all that i s going on what is real

  45. Amy Jones says:

    I used to be soo shy, but that was before i started loving myself as i am, today i love and enjoy every curve my body has.

  46. christina aliperti says:

    I think people want to look like what they see on TV. The K family has a huge following of fans that adore them. There’s a whole generation aspiring to have fake booties and fish lips lol.

  47. Michelle says:

    The reason why I wouldn’t start this is because they are temporary, waste of time, they affect your health when you think of how the body will reject this foreign object that is implanted. Most people end up with autoimmune diseases.The risk of leakage. Surgeries are risky why would anyone in their right mind go under the knife. Learning to love your imperfections would be a better solution. Its a mind issue, love and accepting what you have. Imagine getting old while the body is sagging with the implant. Sounds gross.

  48. Liz Mays says:

    We are not defined by our body parts (unless you’re Kim K, I suppose). It’s a struggle not to let ourselves self-define by them though, but they are meaningless in who we are.

  49. R U S S says:

    I myself is not a fan of cosmetic surgery plus I come from a very traditional family – was raised to appreciate what you have. I agree with what some of the girls have written here. It sucks that society dictates that we are not okay ergo we have to have fair skin or be uber thin ….

  50. Anna Palmer says:

    I guess I am missing the point if I offer to share some booty with you. By which I mean treasure obviously. Wise words, worth re reading.

  51. Ranesha says:

    Wow great topic. Your body can only get you so far in life.

  52. Faye says:

    YES!! This is SO well said! While each to their own, I can never imagine myself going through plastic surgery for any cosmetic procedure. Sure, we all want to be thinner (I’m also an apple body shape), prettier, have a rounder ass, bigger bosom, etc, etc, etc. but to go to such lengths as serious surgery to create the illusion boggles my mind.

  53. Wow, I’ve been reading through the comments…this post really resonated with folks! And I couldn’t agree with you more…I wrote a post about butt implants last year, and my takeaway message was along the lines of not giving a rat’s ass about the size of my butt or whether it’s sliding out the bottom of my underpants. I’m just grateful to have made it this far, flat ass and all.

  54. Silly Mummy says:

    Totally agree. I really don’t understand running the risks of surgery for cosmetic reasons – it’s totally unnecessary. & that is someone who has struggled with eating disorders, body dysmorphia and self esteem. There is virtually nothing about my face and body that I wouldn’t like to be completely different. But even so, I would never undergo surgery to try to change anything. It wouldn’t fix the underlying issue, and life is too valuable to risk over something like that.

    The butt implants I find particularly confusing – it just seems to strange to be so obsessed with that.

  55. Love that you threw your beer in his face! And yes! We are more than our looks!

  56. Tonya C says:

    LOL! This was hilarious! I was just telling my hubby yesterday that it was his fault I now have a BIG BOOTY! He gladly took the credit. LOVE your inspirational post.

  57. Ann Bacciaglia says:

    It is so important to learn to love the body you have. It is so scary that all these women are going out and having plastic surgery to try to look like the K family.

  58. I remember being told before that I would look better with big boobs because I already have a bog booty. I didn’t get an implant, never did care much of other people’s opinion. Cheers!

  59. Kendra says:

    I’ve always wanted a round booty, but am not a fan of getting implants or surgery. Now, I just do squats and toning exercises to give it a natural lift.

  60. barbara says:

    Yep. I’m an apple. I’d love to have a waist again but I would not sweat it, except for the health issues. Apple or weight in the mid-section is associated with several important health issues. While I do consider myself a Red Delicious Apple kind of girl, I want to live longer so time to face reality and get with the program, exercise program that is.

  61. John says:

    I believe the biggest reason is social media. People want to look pretty on social media and go to extremes to get what they think others would find beautiful. We have only one body, better learn how to live happily in it, without damaging it.

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