I distinctly remember my 20-year-old future husband’s first words to me. They were in a bar near Syracuse University, where we both went to school. I walked by and there he was, sitting on a bar stool with a beer surrounded by his fraternity brothers.
“Nice ass!” he said.
I distinctly remember throwing my beer at him.
Yes, I was feisty, even then.
But it was love at first sight.
The truth is, I never had much of an ass. It was flat as a pancake, to be honest, and it didn’t matter to me. I had long legs, a large, natural bosom and I never gave my booty a thought. No one did back then.
Oh, and young women? Appreciate your gorgeous and nubile body while you have it, because one day in the future you’ll look at photos of your beautiful self back then and say something like “OMG! Whose legs are those?” Trust me on that. So love love love yourself. And no, you are NOT fat.
The big booty claim to fame & fortune
Anyway, about the time that the vile K family came to our attention, so did big booties. It always amazes me that the K girl turned a video of her and her big butt having anal sex into a multimillion dollar industry for cosmetic surgery in butt implants.
Now look. If you come by your big booty honestly, as in were born with it, no problem.
What I don’t understand is why women who don’t have big booties think they should get butt implants, some of them large enough that their butts could be used as a snack table.
Now, I am by nature an apple, like my mother, always looking for my waistline. Being an apple-shaped woman is not healthy. It has to do with how we carry fat. While we may like to think of ourselves as a delicious Red Delicious or fun-loving Gala, we’re really just headed for trouble if we carry weight in the middle.
It was quite a surprise to read research showing that men see pear-shaped women as more attractive. Some anthropologists say the reason men like pear-shaped women better is evolution–with that big rear end come big hips and the ability to bear more children. Could be.
In recent years, though, my apple started moving toward pear and I got a derriere. Pretty word, but it wasn’t so pretty. So when my doctor, known around here as Mean Mommy, cracked the whip, it meant bye-bye booty. Despite the popularity of big asses, I was happy to bid some of mine goodbye. Which is what makes the concept of butt implants so strange to me.
…..I will never, ever support the concept that anything that makes you feel better –such as cosmetic surgery– is a good thing. I mean, that’s a great argument in favor of shooting heroin, if you think about it. So no, I’m not going to say “yes, embrace cosmetic surgery as a matter of self-esteem.” Ever. Because if it takes adding boobs or a rear end for women to feel “better” or even good about themselves? We have big problems. Of course, we know we have big problems. This is just more evidence.
It troubles me that getting more education, doing more good in the world, accomplishing something meaningful–that those things aren’t what make women feel “better” about themselves.
Body image has become synonymous with self-image and it’s not pretty.
So, hey, I don’t miss my ass at all. And I’m working on that apple thing because I want to be healthy and live the long life that is denied to many.
I look at pictures of my young, nubile self with nostalgia and a little amazement. I’ll never look like that again. Which is ok. I’m almost 65 and that’s a pretty big accomplishment. I don’t think like I did at 21, so why would I want to look that age?
Note to young women of today: aspire to be more than a big booty.
Note to women my age: Age is a gift denied to many. Forget sad and desperate attempts to hang on to lost youth. Those days are gone. True happiness can only come by embracing who we are today and all that goes along with it.