When a child dies

September 9, 2021

child-diesPeople I know have suffered some tremendous losses. It seems so obvious that one of the greatest losses– and maybe the biggest one of all –is the loss of a child.

When a child dies, so does its future on earth. All of our hopes and dreams for them vanish, instantly. All of the possibilities are now impossibilities.

That does’t even begin to describe an indescribable void: the loss of love. The object of our love. Our being an object of their love. There is a missing piece of us. It’s gone and we can’t get it back.

The loss of a child is almost impossible to describe to anyone who hasn’t suffered it. And while we might empathize and sympathize, we don’t know what it’s like. Not at all.

And while I’ve lost a stepchild and many close family and friends, I have never known what it felt like to lose someone to whom I gave birth. I can only imagine and I know how limited that makes my empathy.

child-diesDeath is something I’ve grappled with for decades. Fear of it, for one. And then, the grief from losing those I love. I’m not that unusual–I think most of us struggled with seeing death as part of life.

I never had a conventional spiritual belief. I don’t believe there’s a heaven or a hell or that we float around on clouds after we die. I don’t believe we’re punished. Raised Catholic, the idea of purgatory for unbaptised children always seemed bizarre and still does.

But over the years I’ve come to unconventional spiritual beliefs that have helped me begin to put death, loss and grief in a different perspective. These beliefs might help you or might have no impact. But maybe you’ll glean a little something from them. And again, for me it’s all about the experiences I’ve had, studying the subjects of death/afterlife, letting everything simmer in a big pot and then, a knowing.

Here’s where I ended up.

Life goes on, but not necessarily as we know it.

Remember, our only frame of reference is earth but the afterlife may not be anything like earth. Being a spirit is not like being human. It’s unclear what exactly happens but the soul/life does go on after the body dies, that seems very clear to me, based on science.

We’ll see our loved ones again.

There’s so much evidence of this, I can’t even begin to cover it. Lots has been written, there are videos, TV shows. Don’t take my word for it: seek and ye shall find.  There is no substitute for personal experience. I’ve worked with really expert mediums and have had evidential communications from those who have crossed over and even conversations with my spirit guides about troubling issues.

child-diesJust because we know this, it doesn’t mean the void goes away.

If you’ve lost a child there will always be that moment when you wake up to start your day and feel that empty space. Is there a way to get over it? I can’t imagine how. While active grieving may transition over time, and that time is different for everyone, it never completely disappears.

It can help to communicate with our loved ones.

This is a dicey thing because a bad reading from a hack medium can be worse than none at all. If you want to do this, seek out a reputable medium with a good track record. Not everyone who calls themself a medium is effective.

My go-to medium for the past many years has been Hollister Rand. I can’t imagine not consulting her as I have had so many incredible experiences in session with her. But I have seen John Edward numerous times (and been read) as well as others.

Some mediums are better than others. Some communicate more smoothly than others. Some mediums I know are overly focused on making money. Some famous mediums that I adore have not read well for me. I had a terrible experience at LilyDale but others I know have had great ones. One size does not fit all.

Finding a medium I click with has been trial and error for me and I landed on Hollister Rand by accident. (If you believe in accidents of fate). I have had at least 45 readings in the past 20 years, if not more, and most with well-known practitioners. Not everyone is able to have as many readings as I have from such a variety of mediums, so if this interests you, I encourage you to do your research and talk to those who have been read before making a choice.

If you have a bad experience, don’t think every experience is like that. Don’t let it color your belief in our ability to communicate with the other side. We can.

It can help to think of our soul as existing on a continuum. 

We are taught that this life is all there is, even if we believe in heaven and hell. Let’s be serious: do you know a church official who relates to the concepts of an actual heaven and hell in any way other than a way to control behavior or get donations?

child-diesBut there’s so much more than just this one life. This life is just a small part of our soul’s lifetime, which is infinite.  A child’s life is the same way. There’s lots more to come.

So none of this is really a comfort, because this life is all most of us know. Anything else that might happen is just a wish and a promise.

I am always happy to  tell you what it’s like to consult a medium or share my experiences with the other side to help you decide. Just use the contact form and I’ll be back in touch.

If you’d like some tools to help process grief for yourself or a loved one, check out my Etsy shop here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/ahealingspirit . These beautiful tools and thoughtful gifts get all five-star reviews.


Fall’s around the corner and our candle shop is open til 9/11 for wonderful fall scents, like apple cinnamon, pumpkin spice and more. This season with crystals to help with stress and anxiety. We can all use more serenity right now, right?  Check them out here.

8 comments on “When a child dies
  1. Kristine says:

    Beautifully written as usual. X

  2. betty kaufman says:

    Beautiful article. I grieve for my friends who have lost children. Like you, I have no comprehension of what they are going through. It’s pretty horrible.

    • I hear that. I don’t usually talk about this but about a decade ago, in a session with John Edward, there was reference to a friend’s infant who died just weeks after birth. It was an unmistakeable reference.

  3. Diane says:

    Even believing as I do that this life is just a small part of the eternal picture, I can’t imagine the pain of separation and loss. Grief that just never goes away and simply becomes a part of you.
    Thank you for the help and comfort you offer, Carol!

  4. Shawn Parola says:

    Carol, I so appreciate your sensitivity and gentle approach to child loss. You have brought me a lot of comfort in my grief. I think you’re right, you want to believe so badly,and sometimes it seems so obviously him, but we only know this life for sure, so the doubt sets in. What I do know is that I think I will continue to search for him and his signs forever, because I need that to survive. <3

    • I hope you will see those signs and truly come to see that he is really there. I completely get how doubt sets in. Me, too, at times. And then I look at my notes from al my readings? And think, nahh, not coincidence.

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