As part of an exercise for school I had to ask people who know me well to give me some of my positive traits. I was happy to see one of my nephews list Your sense of comfort with who you are. I’m glad he noticed.
i read so many women’s blogs and it surprises me how many women of all ages are simply not comfortable with who they are. Either they feel they need to change to get/keep/please a guy or they’re extremely self-critical, finding fault with everything from their appearance to their skills. It’s all based on what other people think, too. And it’s so pervasive there’s an entire industry–cosmetic surgery industry–around it.
What other people think. Boy, is THAT a trap.
When I hear women say “I want to have a facelift so I feel better about myself,” here’s what I hear: “I want to get a facelift and lipo so that when other people look at me they see a younger, hotter version of me.”
That’s what I hear and most of the time, that really is what they mean. Because if our society valued crow’s feet and a few extra pounds, believe me, women wouldn’t be subjecting themselves to these painful, expensive procedures. They’d be happy in themselves. They’d be confident women.
So, here’s what I say about that.
The world is full of people who like chocolate and others who like vanilla.
If someone doesn’t like you or a man isn’t attracted to you, that’s what it boils down to: chocolate or vanilla. There is nothing inherently wrong with either.
Or right with either. It’s just a preference.
A few years ago a man I know told me he was dating a close friend of mine who was recently divorced from someone I’ve known almost my whole life.
“I really like her; she’s nice, right?” he asked, with this little tentative tone.
“She’s GREAT!” I said. (And she is. She’s gorgeous and lively and fun. I love her!)
“So,” he said, “why would someone divorce a woman like that?”
The question took me by surprise. I could only respond, and it was a definitive response, “Chocolate or vanilla.”
So look. I know that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, for a variety of reasons. But none of them matter. Because my life has shown me time and time again that it all comes down to chocolate or vanilla.A simple preference.
Which is why I have invested absolutely nothing in what other people think of me. I know who I am and I’m happy with that person. Sure, it would be super if everyone thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread.
But not everyone likes bread. (The people who don’t? They must be crazy. Because I LOVE bread.)
At the end of my my nephew’s list, he added this: “I love your I’m me, and if you don’t like it go fu*k yourself attitude!”
I’m not sure I’d put it that way. But. If that’s my legacy to the young people in my life? I’m good with it.
I’m interested in your thoughts about confidence and self-image.
Here is the most honest answer I can give you.I blame it on my mother. She is an artist and a narcissist stemming from an absentee mother and a brutish father. She is a warm and loving woman, albeit one who’s self esteem was boosted by not only her own physical beauty but by her childrens. Both my sister and I are beautiful woman, but as the eldest, I was the most affected by my mother’s obsession to bask in the underlying message that my beauty mattered above all else. Fortunately, my father, an intellect, balanced that equation out, and schooling and brains also played a large part for both my sister and I ( I just received my MFA at age 61 last week) However, I am still pretty vain, and I inevitably had the neck and eye lift my mother also had at age 56. I fiddle with my face ( lasers, fillers, botox albeit light handedly and by the best NYC doc.) My mother to this day longs for another neck lift at age 87. I will never do any other surgical procedures unless I have to for medical reasons.It’s “bandaids” from here on out. I believe in taking care of myself–for myself and for my daughter, who is an only child– weight, nutrition, cardiac health( I’m a big walker), lots of sunscreen.But now that I have my passion for writing, it must suffice as the most beautiful thing about me, and I am more than happy with that.I am secure with myself and no longer have to be the prettiest one in the room.It feels freeing.
I was a slow starter with this Carol but I’m catching on fast. I’ve never been a glamour seeker, but definitely erred on people pleasing. Now I’m just “me” and like me or lump me – I love the chocolate or vanilla analogy because it puts the ball squarely in the other person’s court and I don’t have to try to be something I’m not. PS I’m a bread lover too 🙂
My mom was a little obsessed with her girls’ looks. My two sisters took up her banner. I didn’t. I guess I just liked me.
And no way she was getting me into that girdle…
P.S.And me and bread. We’re a little too close.
To me, age became my leveler. After I turned 40, the need to please everyone and impress them lessened dramatically. I realized my own personal criteria for accepting people in my life was never about looks, accomplishments or money. It was simply a celebration of who they were in my life.
That helped me accept me the same way. What I am today, I accept. What tomorrow brings is always a wonderful adventure into the unknown.
My mother insisted I wear a padded bra. She spent her whole life trying to please men, and she had a few! I was a scrawny kid and borderline anorexic but she insisted that was good. My husband is vainer than I. I still struggle with the extra weight but, I think my talents are more important than my poochy belly. I love the chocolate or vanilla analogy, Carol. So true!
b
First off, I applaud your boldness. It’s refreshing. You keep it real! I think much of feeling good about ourselves comes easier as we get older. At least for me, I simply just don’t give a damn anymore. Too many other issues should be the focus of our attention like what is going on inside our bodies and minds. Self-image can stem from many things, from our childhood, our peers, the culture we live in. Young moms struggle not only with their looks, but their skills as a mother, empty nesters struggle with what the hell am I going to do now and the elderly, well, they just plain struggle. Everyone has to find the place within that makes them feel good about who they are and where they are in life. Sounds like you have it figured out. Appreciate the inspiration!
The economy would crash if women became more confident. To help the economy and to keep balance more, men need to become insecure about themselves and not depend on a beautiful woman at their side to boost their confidence and self-image!
I went through this in my twenties.I think a lot of women find it easier to please others than to like themselves. The sad part is that women who assess themselves based on who likes them – or looks at them – can come across as too shallow to attract honest, affirming friendship with healthier people.
Hi Carol! Your words are inspiring and so very true. I completely agree about the “looks” thing and find it crazy when women try to change what they look like so they can fit the mold better. Fortunately, I never did buy into that so that’s not been a problem for me. But I do struggle a bit with the wanting to be liked and having “approval” from others. Must have been a past life thing for sure because my parents never seemed to force that on me. I AM getting better as the years go by but I know that I’ve spent WAY too much time caring what others think in that regard. At my core I know I am an acquired taste–more like peachy-mango than vanilla or chocolate! ~Kathy
What a great post! It is important for us to love ourselves and also the differences we see between ourselves and others. I love all of the positive traits. That is awesome!
Like Ryder I grew up with a mother obsessed with appearances and what others’ thought… I’ve fought it my whole life though I never really felt I had to go to extremes. I’m pretty content with who I am and where I am… never a big one for makeup and trying to look pretty. So, the gray hair rolls in and there wrinkles and marks and sags are here–part of who I am. I think it’s sad what women do out of that desperation to fight age or find a fix.
I’m a chocolate girl, when it gets right down to it…..
I love the message here. It’s taken me many years to be comfortable with myself. I am so glad that I finally am. Today’s society is all about looks. If you don’t have them, you are nothing. This is the message I see over and over again being sent out to our children. It’s pretty sad really.
I have always deemed to be a people pleaser My looks were always good but I was not into makeup or fashion. I laugh quite often as I share my girls developed that on their own I was to busy helping them grow up and others do the best they can do
There are millions of dollars in business wrapped up in making women feel like we are not good enough and if only…..we would be OK. It’s a constant battle to block the messages out! Plus the people pleasing tendencies so many of us inherited. However, one of the great things about getting older for me has been getting comfortable in my own skin and not being AS concerned about what others think. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate and LOTS of bread. I love the Chocolate or Vanilla picture. Sums it up perfectly!
I remember a story my brother told me once. He knew a woman who shaved her forearms because she thought they were too hairy.
My brother said it was too bad she did this because now she wouldn’t meet someone who was attracted to hairy forearms and she would forever me caught in the shaving spiral.
If we tried to be who we aren’t, no-one can love us for who we are.
I’ve been there. I’ve also transcended that fear. I love your chocolate or vanilla analogy. It is absolutely true. Another analogy I appreciate is this – all reactions to anything in life are driven by one of two things – love or fear. That cuts through all the confusing fluff. When I ask myself the question It’s very easy to know right away what state of mind I’m in and anything fear driven is off my list. If it’s not a hell YES it’s automatically a hell NO. lol
A good friend told me years ago that what anyone else thinks of me is none of my business! The older I get the more I appreciate this way of thinking 😉 I am here to live my life and allow others to do the same.
Loved the read. I can’t really remember a time in my life (other than high school) when I gave two fucks what anyone thought of me. I can honestly say that it’s made my life so much easier…for me! I never have taken it personally when someone doesn’t think I’m the cats meow. I get it. The list of the peeps I’m not fans of is still growing. I’m a chocolate and vanilla girl, but don’t get crazy and try and pawn off some cherry cream. Oh, hell no! Even those of us who are easy going have our quirks. One of my fav qualities of yours is your honest snark. I love it. Mostly because without a little honest snark in our lives, well, it’s a hell of a dull ride, don’t you think?
Thanks for this, Carol! While I still have moments of doubt related to aging and “losing” my looks, there’s also a sense of relief and of coming home as I grow more comfortable in my own skin and secure in who I am. Your “chocolate or vanilla” analogy is perfect.
I just wrote extensively on this topic. In fact, I think most of my posts are about self-love and the art of appreciating our bodies, minds, and individual quirks. It’s been a journey for me, as self-deprecating statements were a part of the script I was handed in my youth. I’ve had to find the courage to finally say,”Fuck the script.I don’t care to be that kind of woman.” I reallllyyyy enjoyed this post, Carol! Thank you.
How awesome that your nephew nailed your approach to who you are. It’s something I’ve struggled with. The next time I’m holding back to please someone else I’m going to here “chocolate or vanilla” whispered in my heart!
I think it’s great that your nephews see you that way, it will also a basis for them when it comes to loving themselves, you know? If my aunt thinks that she’s awesome as she is, then I would too. Don’t you just love being an inspiration to the kids these days? I love your message, that’s how it should be. You should accept yourself for who you are and don’t let others predict who you should be. If they like, then that’s great, if not, that’s great too!
Chocolate or vanilla. True. I’ve also heard someone say, “you could be the ripest,juiciest peach in the world, but some people just don’t like peaches.” I’m much more comfortable in my own skin since 40, but damn I still wish I wasn’t such a people pleaser!
I’m envious of your sense of comfort with yourself. I’m just starting to get comfortable in my skin, but I still have a long way to go. I think it all stems from childhood. So many people tell little girls how pretty they are, call them princesses, and focus on their appearances. I’m trying to do it differently with my daughter. We don’t treat her like a princess of fawn over her beauty. We talk to her like we talk to our son. We’re not perfect about it, but I hope it makes a difference for her.
Self image is not something that was glamour for me. No makeup. No perfect hair. My mother was the same way. Very low key and not very high maintenance. I have always not been happy with my appearance though but my husband swears that I am gorgeous. I still don’t know what he sees to this day with my flawed skin and imperfect hair, but he sees it, so that’s what makes me feel confident.
This is such a powerful post. I love that you referenced why someone would divorce such a great woman. She just was not his flavor.We are all someone’s flavor. Self confidence comes from finding people that appreciate it.
I want to be totally honest here. I don’t much care for other people. There, I said it. But, it’s true. I really hate people that try to force their opinions or beliefs on me. I like what I like, and I don’t like what I don’t like, and no amount of talking, screaming or preaching is going to change that. Yes, I think, like you, I have that same attitude. I like how your nephew put it. That’s kinda my thinking as well!
Unfortunately in our society people do put a lot of accent of what other people think about them. And they also judge other people based on the same thing. I like to let my mind free and be who I want to be, but sometimes the judging eyes of others make me go back to my boundaries..
The parents have a lot to answer for here, but it is true. My lack of self-confidence, of belief in my talents were firmly squashed by nay-saying adults… teachers as well as parents. My husband help me find my courage and my voice.
I had horrible self-esteem issues my entire life. And when I look back at pictures, I don’t even know why! At 39, I started taking yoga, for my mind more than for exercise. Once I turned 40, a switch flipped and life has been such a joy to live. Turning 40 was one of the best things that ever happened. I released my self from worrying about what people think. I am comfortable in my skin – most days! LOL! My husband, whom I met at the beginning of my new journey of loving myself – has been a blessing, too!
This is a great post. I think everyone should love themselves for who they are. I hate to see others doing all these surgeries and such to “fix” themselves because they think they’re not that perfect.
WOW ryder ziebarth left an EPIC comment! congratz.
Brilliant post very thought provoking and deceptively enticing lol i went into this post thinking it was literal on the chocolate or vanilla front
i loooooove vanilla by the way haha it’s my all time favorite flavor if that answers you
“I love your I’m me, and if you don’t like it go fu*k yourself attitude!” I am with your nephew – that is exactly how I put it all the time. Love this post!
I have terrible self-esteem and it is something that I am constantly working on. However, I know my flavor and I know that my husband loves my flavor, so for me, it is all about being more comfortable in my own cone, so to speak.
Such a wonderful post & I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. After all it is so important for everyone of us to love our-self first & then take it to others. It is not going to help if you are going to try & please everyone around, be what you are!
So true I have always had horrible self esteem and its true its like choosing chocolate vanilla. Everyone has their own choices.I would say I am chocolate for sure but then other days I can be vanilla.
This is an amazing post! At 26 I am just starting to work on letting people take me for what I am. I have a great fear of what people think of me, and it’s so unhealthy.
Ahhhhhh I’m a rare one and have alwaya chosen what I like over what others like. I was bullied when I was super little so I was already use to being an outsider when I got older so being unique and different than everyone else didn’t bother me.
What a great article to read! I would not go through all these upgrades and spend thousands of money just to get attention and please people. Beauty is only skin deep!
Definitely the right way to look at it, but often hard to do in practice. Apparently, it is a much more common problem for women than men. We have tended to encourage women to be self deprecating and not think too highly of thenselves, as that sort of thing is viewed as negative from women. Men, however, are encouraged to be egotistical, to believe they can have whatever they want and are always good enough. In men, that is regarded as confidence and power.
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Here is the most honest answer I can give you.I blame it on my mother. She is an artist and a narcissist stemming from an absentee mother and a brutish father. She is a warm and loving woman, albeit one who’s self esteem was boosted by not only her own physical beauty but by her childrens. Both my sister and I are beautiful woman, but as the eldest, I was the most affected by my mother’s obsession to bask in the underlying message that my beauty mattered above all else. Fortunately, my father, an intellect, balanced that equation out, and schooling and brains also played a large part for both my sister and I ( I just received my MFA at age 61 last week) However, I am still pretty vain, and I inevitably had the neck and eye lift my mother also had at age 56. I fiddle with my face ( lasers, fillers, botox albeit light handedly and by the best NYC doc.) My mother to this day longs for another neck lift at age 87. I will never do any other surgical procedures unless I have to for medical reasons.It’s “bandaids” from here on out. I believe in taking care of myself–for myself and for my daughter, who is an only child– weight, nutrition, cardiac health( I’m a big walker), lots of sunscreen.But now that I have my passion for writing, it must suffice as the most beautiful thing about me, and I am more than happy with that.I am secure with myself and no longer have to be the prettiest one in the room.It feels freeing.
I’ll bet it does. That honesty? It’s also beautiful. And of course, your writing, Ryder.
I was a slow starter with this Carol but I’m catching on fast. I’ve never been a glamour seeker, but definitely erred on people pleasing. Now I’m just “me” and like me or lump me – I love the chocolate or vanilla analogy because it puts the ball squarely in the other person’s court and I don’t have to try to be something I’m not. PS I’m a bread lover too 🙂
Bread. My downfall. ;-))))
My mom was a little obsessed with her girls’ looks. My two sisters took up her banner. I didn’t. I guess I just liked me.
And no way she was getting me into that girdle…
P.S.And me and bread. We’re a little too close.
To me, age became my leveler. After I turned 40, the need to please everyone and impress them lessened dramatically. I realized my own personal criteria for accepting people in my life was never about looks, accomplishments or money. It was simply a celebration of who they were in my life.
That helped me accept me the same way. What I am today, I accept. What tomorrow brings is always a wonderful adventure into the unknown.
My mother insisted I wear a padded bra. She spent her whole life trying to please men, and she had a few! I was a scrawny kid and borderline anorexic but she insisted that was good. My husband is vainer than I. I still struggle with the extra weight but, I think my talents are more important than my poochy belly. I love the chocolate or vanilla analogy, Carol. So true!
b
First off, I applaud your boldness. It’s refreshing. You keep it real! I think much of feeling good about ourselves comes easier as we get older. At least for me, I simply just don’t give a damn anymore. Too many other issues should be the focus of our attention like what is going on inside our bodies and minds. Self-image can stem from many things, from our childhood, our peers, the culture we live in. Young moms struggle not only with their looks, but their skills as a mother, empty nesters struggle with what the hell am I going to do now and the elderly, well, they just plain struggle. Everyone has to find the place within that makes them feel good about who they are and where they are in life. Sounds like you have it figured out. Appreciate the inspiration!
The economy would crash if women became more confident. To help the economy and to keep balance more, men need to become insecure about themselves and not depend on a beautiful woman at their side to boost their confidence and self-image!
I went through this in my twenties.I think a lot of women find it easier to please others than to like themselves. The sad part is that women who assess themselves based on who likes them – or looks at them – can come across as too shallow to attract honest, affirming friendship with healthier people.
Still figuring out comment luv :/
Hi Carol! Your words are inspiring and so very true. I completely agree about the “looks” thing and find it crazy when women try to change what they look like so they can fit the mold better. Fortunately, I never did buy into that so that’s not been a problem for me. But I do struggle a bit with the wanting to be liked and having “approval” from others. Must have been a past life thing for sure because my parents never seemed to force that on me. I AM getting better as the years go by but I know that I’ve spent WAY too much time caring what others think in that regard. At my core I know I am an acquired taste–more like peachy-mango than vanilla or chocolate! ~Kathy
First, I love bread too and make my own. Although, I need to lose the gut. I’m pretty happy with myself otherwise. More money would help. LOL
What a great post! It is important for us to love ourselves and also the differences we see between ourselves and others. I love all of the positive traits. That is awesome!
People need to embrace their uniqueness. I learned to love myself after I had kids as it did not matter anymore.
Like Ryder I grew up with a mother obsessed with appearances and what others’ thought… I’ve fought it my whole life though I never really felt I had to go to extremes. I’m pretty content with who I am and where I am… never a big one for makeup and trying to look pretty. So, the gray hair rolls in and there wrinkles and marks and sags are here–part of who I am. I think it’s sad what women do out of that desperation to fight age or find a fix.
I’m a chocolate girl, when it gets right down to it…..
I love the message here. It’s taken me many years to be comfortable with myself. I am so glad that I finally am. Today’s society is all about looks. If you don’t have them, you are nothing. This is the message I see over and over again being sent out to our children. It’s pretty sad really.
Bingo!
I have always deemed to be a people pleaser My looks were always good but I was not into makeup or fashion. I laugh quite often as I share my girls developed that on their own I was to busy helping them grow up and others do the best they can do
There are millions of dollars in business wrapped up in making women feel like we are not good enough and if only…..we would be OK. It’s a constant battle to block the messages out! Plus the people pleasing tendencies so many of us inherited. However, one of the great things about getting older for me has been getting comfortable in my own skin and not being AS concerned about what others think. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate and LOTS of bread. I love the Chocolate or Vanilla picture. Sums it up perfectly!
I remember a story my brother told me once. He knew a woman who shaved her forearms because she thought they were too hairy.
My brother said it was too bad she did this because now she wouldn’t meet someone who was attracted to hairy forearms and she would forever me caught in the shaving spiral.
If we tried to be who we aren’t, no-one can love us for who we are.
Great uplifting post. We are all unique and beautiful in our own way, we don’t need to change to pelase a standart of society
This is a great post and so true. I like to think I help my kids have a good self image of themselves.
I’ve been there. I’ve also transcended that fear. I love your chocolate or vanilla analogy. It is absolutely true. Another analogy I appreciate is this – all reactions to anything in life are driven by one of two things – love or fear. That cuts through all the confusing fluff. When I ask myself the question It’s very easy to know right away what state of mind I’m in and anything fear driven is off my list. If it’s not a hell YES it’s automatically a hell NO. lol
A good friend told me years ago that what anyone else thinks of me is none of my business! The older I get the more I appreciate this way of thinking 😉 I am here to live my life and allow others to do the same.
Loved the read. I can’t really remember a time in my life (other than high school) when I gave two fucks what anyone thought of me. I can honestly say that it’s made my life so much easier…for me! I never have taken it personally when someone doesn’t think I’m the cats meow. I get it. The list of the peeps I’m not fans of is still growing. I’m a chocolate and vanilla girl, but don’t get crazy and try and pawn off some cherry cream. Oh, hell no! Even those of us who are easy going have our quirks. One of my fav qualities of yours is your honest snark. I love it. Mostly because without a little honest snark in our lives, well, it’s a hell of a dull ride, don’t you think?
Great post. I have always told my daughters they are beautiful they way they were made. Like Tess said I love your chocolate and vanilla analogy.
All of us are unique in our on way, it is up to us how to live our own uniqueness and share it to the world. 🙂
Thanks for this, Carol! While I still have moments of doubt related to aging and “losing” my looks, there’s also a sense of relief and of coming home as I grow more comfortable in my own skin and secure in who I am. Your “chocolate or vanilla” analogy is perfect.
I just wrote extensively on this topic. In fact, I think most of my posts are about self-love and the art of appreciating our bodies, minds, and individual quirks. It’s been a journey for me, as self-deprecating statements were a part of the script I was handed in my youth. I’ve had to find the courage to finally say,”Fuck the script.I don’t care to be that kind of woman.” I reallllyyyy enjoyed this post, Carol! Thank you.
How awesome that your nephew nailed your approach to who you are. It’s something I’ve struggled with. The next time I’m holding back to please someone else I’m going to here “chocolate or vanilla” whispered in my heart!
Amazing and inspiring post! Everyone is different and unique and we all have to accept that.
I think it’s great that your nephews see you that way, it will also a basis for them when it comes to loving themselves, you know? If my aunt thinks that she’s awesome as she is, then I would too. Don’t you just love being an inspiration to the kids these days? I love your message, that’s how it should be. You should accept yourself for who you are and don’t let others predict who you should be. If they like, then that’s great, if not, that’s great too!
Chocolate or vanilla. True. I’ve also heard someone say, “you could be the ripest,juiciest peach in the world, but some people just don’t like peaches.” I’m much more comfortable in my own skin since 40, but damn I still wish I wasn’t such a people pleaser!
I’m envious of your sense of comfort with yourself. I’m just starting to get comfortable in my skin, but I still have a long way to go. I think it all stems from childhood. So many people tell little girls how pretty they are, call them princesses, and focus on their appearances. I’m trying to do it differently with my daughter. We don’t treat her like a princess of fawn over her beauty. We talk to her like we talk to our son. We’re not perfect about it, but I hope it makes a difference for her.
You have summed it up perfectly. It’s sad that so many women are so reliant on other people’s opinions for their own self-confidence.
Self image is not something that was glamour for me. No makeup. No perfect hair. My mother was the same way. Very low key and not very high maintenance. I have always not been happy with my appearance though but my husband swears that I am gorgeous. I still don’t know what he sees to this day with my flawed skin and imperfect hair, but he sees it, so that’s what makes me feel confident.
This is such a powerful post. I love that you referenced why someone would divorce such a great woman. She just was not his flavor.We are all someone’s flavor. Self confidence comes from finding people that appreciate it.
This is awesome post, I enjoyed reading this and You make me inspired thank yo, I will share this to my friends.
I want to be totally honest here. I don’t much care for other people. There, I said it. But, it’s true. I really hate people that try to force their opinions or beliefs on me. I like what I like, and I don’t like what I don’t like, and no amount of talking, screaming or preaching is going to change that. Yes, I think, like you, I have that same attitude. I like how your nephew put it. That’s kinda my thinking as well!
Unfortunately in our society people do put a lot of accent of what other people think about them. And they also judge other people based on the same thing. I like to let my mind free and be who I want to be, but sometimes the judging eyes of others make me go back to my boundaries..
The parents have a lot to answer for here, but it is true. My lack of self-confidence, of belief in my talents were firmly squashed by nay-saying adults… teachers as well as parents. My husband help me find my courage and my voice.
I had horrible self-esteem issues my entire life. And when I look back at pictures, I don’t even know why! At 39, I started taking yoga, for my mind more than for exercise. Once I turned 40, a switch flipped and life has been such a joy to live. Turning 40 was one of the best things that ever happened. I released my self from worrying about what people think. I am comfortable in my skin – most days! LOL! My husband, whom I met at the beginning of my new journey of loving myself – has been a blessing, too!
This is a great post. I think everyone should love themselves for who they are. I hate to see others doing all these surgeries and such to “fix” themselves because they think they’re not that perfect.
WOW ryder ziebarth left an EPIC comment! congratz.
Brilliant post very thought provoking and deceptively enticing lol i went into this post thinking it was literal on the chocolate or vanilla front
i loooooove vanilla by the way haha it’s my all time favorite flavor if that answers you
awesome analogy.
I like your perspective. I don’t think you should have to modify yourself too much to fit in or to make others like you.
I like both! I think it doesn’t matter, just get what you really like. Anyways, they go well together!
“I love your I’m me, and if you don’t like it go fu*k yourself attitude!” I am with your nephew – that is exactly how I put it all the time. Love this post!
I have terrible self-esteem and it is something that I am constantly working on. However, I know my flavor and I know that my husband loves my flavor, so for me, it is all about being more comfortable in my own cone, so to speak.
We all have our favorites, either chocolate or vanilla. It doesn’t matter along as you enjoy what you like/love.
Thanks for sharing on #overthemoon, Carol!
Such a wonderful post & I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. After all it is so important for everyone of us to love our-self first & then take it to others. It is not going to help if you are going to try & please everyone around, be what you are!
I find your post very inspiring. Yes, people now is like choosing chocolate or vanilla. Everyone have their own choices.
So true I have always had horrible self esteem and its true its like choosing chocolate vanilla. Everyone has their own choices.I would say I am chocolate for sure but then other days I can be vanilla.
This is an amazing post! At 26 I am just starting to work on letting people take me for what I am. I have a great fear of what people think of me, and it’s so unhealthy.
Ahhhhhh I’m a rare one and have alwaya chosen what I like over what others like. I was bullied when I was super little so I was already use to being an outsider when I got older so being unique and different than everyone else didn’t bother me.
What a great article to read! I would not go through all these upgrades and spend thousands of money just to get attention and please people. Beauty is only skin deep!
Good thing I am now on stage that I deeply understand that not everyone will like you and vice versa. We just need to live with it.
I love your self-confidence Carol and everytime I read one of your posts I’m inspired to be better. Thank you!
Definitely the right way to look at it, but often hard to do in practice. Apparently, it is a much more common problem for women than men. We have tended to encourage women to be self deprecating and not think too highly of thenselves, as that sort of thing is viewed as negative from women. Men, however, are encouraged to be egotistical, to believe they can have whatever they want and are always good enough. In men, that is regarded as confidence and power.