“I sure as hell didn’t choose this!”

August 9, 2017

France 2017

Do we choose?

Years ago when I first heard the concept that we choose our family, I was horrified.

“No way!” I thought. And then never gave it another thought. Why should I have? It isn’t true, I thought. It’s B.S.

Until years later, when my spiritual path became clearer. Or, shall I say, my spiritual path appeared, because I hadn’t realized that I was on one or that we’re all on one. Clueless, I was. Clueless.

The idea of that kind of choice is a hard sell. It pisses people off.

I mean, tell it to a mother whose child has died.

Or to someone in constant tremendous pain.

Or to a survivor of torture and atrocity.

See what I mean about a hard sell? About anger?

Who would choose those things?

I get it. Oh, I don’t get what it feels like to be in those shoes. No way I could. But I do get how the idea that they CHOSE these situations could anger people.

Spiritual exploration

Just about every week I read a book by a spiritual explorer, those folks who believe they have learned from contacts with the other side. I’ve read scores of books like this and two messages are consistent. First, it’s all about love. And that’s something I also got from my father’s unexpected, spontaneous presence that came out of the blue accompanied by a tidal wave of unbelievable love. I can’t explain it, and won’t even try to. All I know is that it happened and the message was love.

The second consistent message is that we are here to learn and that we do plan the people and events in our life in that time between lives, a time when we meet with our spiritual guides and elders. That meeting is all about planning what will happen in this life. Someone in the family being a dick to you in this life? Yeah, I’ve got those people in my life, too. i’ve come to believe they’re likely to be some of our teachers and we all agreed on this scenario in the life between lives. I know that the people who have been cruelest to me in this life are the ones who have taught me forgiveness when nothing else or no one else could. Painful. But effective.

I remember my girlfriend saying plaintively, “I don’t know what my cancer is meant to teach me.”

“I don’t know, either,” I replied, “but maybe you and your illness are meant to teach others.”

Cold consolation

Cold consolation, I know. To me, too.  But of course, she and her life/death inspired A Healing Spirit. Is that coincidence? Most of the time I have no other explanation for its genesis. So is this part of why she went through what she did? I don’t know.

It’s easy to suggest taking an elevated view of the bad things that happen when not that many bad things have happened in our own lives.

And it’s also easy to write off people who have this view of the horrible events in their life as rationalizing.

I don’t have the definitive answer, because I haven’t left this life yet. None of us will now for sure until we leave this life.

But if I were to decide on the basis of everything I’ve read and lectures I’ve heard, I would have to say that all the evidence points toward this. Toward the idea that what happens in our lives is largely the result of our planning for it. To help us learn, grow and evolve.

I’m not proselytizing here, but hoping to present a different point of view and maybe even generate some real discussion of this question.

Reading list

If you’re interested in some of the books that influenced my thinking, here are a few of them:

I’m Not Dead, I’m Different, by Hollister Rand

Journey of Souls by Michael Newton

Seeking Jordan: How I Learned the Truth about Death and the Invisible Universe by Matthew McKay, PhD

Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss, M.D.

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23 comments on ““I sure as hell didn’t choose this!”
  1. Anosa says:

    It’s definitely a hard sell when you’re experiencing the worst in life but I too try to think of what I have gone through and what I learnt or was meant to learn from it

  2. Nine years ago I almost died and since then when ever my husband and I encounter some sort of obstacle in life (work, finances, others) we know that there are far worse things that can happen.

  3. candy says:

    You have given us much to think about. Very hard sell and not sure I can wrap my head around it right now.

  4. Channon Gray says:

    This has given me a lot to think about. However, it is hard to get your head around if you are experiencing difficulty in life.

  5. This is way out of my area of expertise Carol – the whole concept boggles my mind and I’m not sure I like it very much – which usually means there is something challenging in there to unwrap further. Thanks for exposing me to a new concept to think about.

  6. Heather says:

    I believe that life is a learning experience. We all have our crosses to bear whether it be love, loss, sickness etc. I’m just trying to get through!

  7. Jeanette says:

    There is always a lesson in anything in life and sometimes its hard to accept it. We have gone through a lot of things in her life. Looking back it definitely made a stronger although I would have loved not experiencing them.

  8. We don’t choose some blood family, meaning we don’t choose to be technically related by blood to siblings and such. We can choose family in ways such as adoption. And lastly we choose family that isn’t blood, because being blood doesn’t make you family.

  9. I haven’t ever really given much thought about spiritual dealings in our world. I do believe in fate, and we’re in people’s lives for a reason. I also believe we’re meant to love those in our lives, regardless of their or our short comings.

  10. Joline says:

    I’m at that point in my life where I’m feeling kinda stuck and a little helpless. But at the back my mind I know we’re never helpless, we always have a choice. Whether it’s an actual choice or just choosing how we react to our situation, it’s always on us. Hard to swallow, yes. But necessary.

  11. I love a good book or even a trip that changes your way of thinking. I have friends who I consider family and family members I don’t consider friends.

  12. Pam says:

    It is definitely hard to believe that you would willingly choose bad things to happen to you. It’s an interesting concept though.

  13. Laurie Stone says:

    I believe this on some level, but like many, have a tough time believing things like the Sandy Hook tragedy was all agreed upon on some cosmic level. I’m not saying its not true. It very could be since I believe “death” is seen differently on the other side. I think its all about learning and evolving. The concept is hard to grasp for our narrow human minds, but still fascinating..

  14. I’m not sure I believe some of this. I’m a Christian, and so some of this steps into the religious aspect of thinking. There is no way that I believe we agreed upon bad things between lives.

  15. Claudia Krusch says:

    This is an interesting concept. I will have to pick up a copy of Journey of Souls by Michael Newton.

  16. Our Family World says:

    Everyone existing in this world has their own battles to face everyday. I have to battle against a chronic illness (Diabetes) of which there is no known cure. I know that there are other people in worse medical shape than me, and I am still thankful that I am not debilitated There was no way in this world that i chose to have this illness, but in learning how to cope, how to trust, and to have faith is what keeps me sauntering on. I offer it all to God and trust His Wisdom.

  17. I have tried to look for the spiritual “sign” that some family really isn’t mean to be in your life. I learned that from planning my wedding, and I looked to God to help me get past things and make the right decision.

  18. I have never heard of this but I am going to look more into it. This sounds really interesting.

  19. Kita Bryant says:

    I have always believed that God will use whatever negative thing may be happening in my life for good. Whether it’s for me or to speak to someone else, I know I have to let God help me shine through it for whatever reason that may be.

  20. This is a very deep and not easy topic, but in a way, I agree that everything that happens to us in this life has a meaning even though we don’t always understand it.

  21. gingermommy says:

    I can totally see how this could be a hard sell to those struggling. But it is really important to remember to be positive and that everything happens for a reason whatever that reason might be.

  22. Sandy N Vyjay says:

    Interesting and profound questions raised by you. Fate or destiny has everything pre-programmed and even though it may seem we are doing thing, there is an invisible force which acts on our behalf.

  23. My Dad always used to call these types of ideas “lessons of life” and they are all in our lives for a reason. It’s up to us to discern the purpose and learn from it.

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