It’s out! I mean the anthology, Dumped: Women Unfriending Women, edited by Nina Gaby. And yes, I have an essay in it.
But that’s the minor news. The major news is that the book contains so much heart and soul that my own heart wants to burst. I read the entire collection in one sitting and was moved beyond belief at the emotions–some still raw after decades–expressed on the pages. What particularly struck me was the confusion at those endings that come without explanation. How truly baffled some women were when friends disappeared for no apparent reason. And I appreciated the insights, that wisdom that comes with time. And age.
This is really a good collection of essays and one you’ll think about for a very long time.
A framed photo fell out of a box in my garage the other day, one that depicted me standing under a birch tree in winter with another woman, someone no longer in my life.
It’s been a long time since the loss of that woman who stood with me in the photo, a loss I’ve worked hard to handle. And yet, looking at that picture, the both of us so much younger, before the schism, I still could feel the sadness for what was lost.
We invest so much in the women we loved, more than we might even realize, and the loss of even one is a wound that cuts deep.
At the same time, we can take consolation if we let loss help us value more those friends who know us and love us anyway.
Love us MORE, maybe, for our faults and the ways we might have let them down. For our being human.
No, the human condition ain’t pretty and sometimes we’re called upon to forgive, and forgive again.
A beautiful blog post/review of Dumped ended with this beautiful thought:
I feel a renewed appreciation for my women friends, who have unfriended and then friended again;
and for those, who have stayed staunch and true, accepting my idiosyncrasies and failings,
and loving me all the more for them.
The book is also worth reading, and you’ll find it here. It’s getting really good reviews from people who know about these things. Maybe you want to pick up a few as birthday gifts for your closest friends. I’ve already done that.
Because one of best ways say I love you is to send this book with a note that says, “Hey! I’m so glad you’ve never dumped me!”
Ok – you grabbed me when you said ‘endings that come without explanation’ – I’ve had that happen with a couple of friends – I eventually figured it out through asking others what was going on – and yes I did feel the sadness for what was lost. Strange – women usually can communicate, but that takes courage – sounds like a book I need to get – thank you!
Congrats on the book, Carol! Friends are painful to lose and admittedly, I wonder about one old friend with whom I’ve totally lost touch. I have to deal with some guilt about this as I was the one who ended it, although of course I had my reasons. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this and I will be checking out the book!
Congrats on having your essay published in the book. It sounds like a fabulous collection. I’ve had so many friends come and go, with only a few that have been around for decades. I treasure them all… even those I no longer speak to, the ones with whom I no longer have anything in common.
I need to read this book! It is something that I have gone through, it would be nice to read about other women’s experiences and how they got through it.
How awesome and how proud you must be. I am so excited for you. I really look forward to reading it too. I know I can relate to many of the stories for sure. I am so thrilled beyond words for you…it couldn’t happen to a nicer person xo
Congratulations on having your writing in a book. I love the quote about women friends–it’s true of so many relationships. We friend..unfriend and then refriend.
I can tell – this is a very touching story. I love stories about women and stories that are realistic. BTW, Congratulations on having your writing in this book
Nina, thank you so much. I was happy with my piece, one of the few times I didn’t look at it in print and wish I could have at it one more time. But the others–so many of them were just top writing.
I am so happy for you, it is wonderful to share your stories and in such a profound way…I was unfriended by my best friend, my maid of honor. 35 years later it still hurts, because in my mind I didn’t deserve it…and she will never know how much it hurt, how much it still hurts. I accidentally ran into her daughter recently, I asked about her and then told her to have her call….she never has. She really began to hate me, and I don’t know exactly why. She even turned her mother against me so much so that she embarrassed me horribly in front of a group of women at a shower. A woman who had been a mother figure to me…it has not happened since….not one other friends in my life has done that to me…several mother figures, but only the one friend. If you still have a “friend space” I will be happy to fill that void.
Your place is already there, Donna! I am so sorry this happened to you. But rest of assured, it can’t be about you. Such terrible behavior. No excuse for it.
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I understand what this book is driving at. Women being mean to women…..it’s so sad, when what we should really do is stand together.
If only we could figure out WHY women do this.
Congratulations Carol!
I can’t wait to read your essay and the rest of the essays in this book.
I have no doubt it will be emotional in a good way.
thanks, Doreen. My story was a very different one, to say the least!
Sounds like a very interesting book, but even more, Congrats! Women should unite and empower one another instead of some trying to bring others down.
That’s the truth. I can’t figure out why women do this to each other.
Ok – you grabbed me when you said ‘endings that come without explanation’ – I’ve had that happen with a couple of friends – I eventually figured it out through asking others what was going on – and yes I did feel the sadness for what was lost. Strange – women usually can communicate, but that takes courage – sounds like a book I need to get – thank you!
I was surprised at the number of women who had that “no-explanation” thing happen. Go figure. I hope you do get the book–it’s eye opening.
Loved this post Carol and congratulations!!!! I know it must be so exciting 🙂 Enjoyed reading!
Thanks, Joan!
Congrats on the book, Carol! Friends are painful to lose and admittedly, I wonder about one old friend with whom I’ve totally lost touch. I have to deal with some guilt about this as I was the one who ended it, although of course I had my reasons. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this and I will be checking out the book!
I’ve been on both ends, it’s not a fun thing.
Congrats on having your essay published in the book. It sounds like a fabulous collection. I’ve had so many friends come and go, with only a few that have been around for decades. I treasure them all… even those I no longer speak to, the ones with whom I no longer have anything in common.
What a wonderful review. I can’t wait to get the book. So excited you’re in it Carol!
Thanks, Nancy!
I need to read this book! It is something that I have gone through, it would be nice to read about other women’s experiences and how they got through it.
I got a lot out of it, Mary.
How awesome and how proud you must be. I am so excited for you. I really look forward to reading it too. I know I can relate to many of the stories for sure. I am so thrilled beyond words for you…it couldn’t happen to a nicer person xo
This collection sounds fabulous, and congratulations to you for being one of the essays it contains!
Congratulations on having your writing in a book. I love the quote about women friends–it’s true of so many relationships. We friend..unfriend and then refriend.
It actually sounds like a great read. I would really want to understand why they do it and what motivates them
I’ve been looking forward to reading this. Congratulations!
What a great review. Very description, sounds like a good read.
Interesting, me I always try to go for uplifting reads, congrats on your accomplishment.
This collection of essays sound intriguing. I will have to check it out.
I can tell – this is a very touching story. I love stories about women and stories that are realistic. BTW, Congratulations on having your writing in this book
Congrats on being published! Losing friends is always so sad to think about. This sounds like a beautiful book.
Thanks for reminding me – I’ve been waiting for this book to come out. It’s already in my cart! Congratulations on having your story published.
You sold me! It sounds compelling….
Congratulations on the book! It looks like an amazing story–definitely one to read!
I remember reading that women are the problem with women..we tear eachother down and that doesn’t help anyone.
Your comments here brought me to tears, as did your beautiful contribution to the collection. Thank you.
Nina, thank you so much. I was happy with my piece, one of the few times I didn’t look at it in print and wish I could have at it one more time. But the others–so many of them were just top writing.
I am so happy for you, it is wonderful to share your stories and in such a profound way…I was unfriended by my best friend, my maid of honor. 35 years later it still hurts, because in my mind I didn’t deserve it…and she will never know how much it hurt, how much it still hurts. I accidentally ran into her daughter recently, I asked about her and then told her to have her call….she never has. She really began to hate me, and I don’t know exactly why. She even turned her mother against me so much so that she embarrassed me horribly in front of a group of women at a shower. A woman who had been a mother figure to me…it has not happened since….not one other friends in my life has done that to me…several mother figures, but only the one friend. If you still have a “friend space” I will be happy to fill that void.
Your place is already there, Donna! I am so sorry this happened to you. But rest of assured, it can’t be about you. Such terrible behavior. No excuse for it.