Has a woman friend ever dumped you?

January 27, 2015

index  A couple years ago I was surfing the net and came across a call for submissions for a yet-to-find-a-publisher anthology on women’s friendships gone bad. You know, when women dump other women friends. Not necessarily Facebook unfriending. But unfriending none-the-less.

I’ve been the dumper and the dumpee, both, and had a couple of ideas for an essay.  So I sat down at the keyboard and began one, only to realize that the second idea was probably better. So I set the other aside, wrote an essay about the second idea and sent it off to the editor. Who loved it.Well, ok, let me be honest. I sent it to my writing coach first. And then it was ready to go.

Well, of course, the editor and I began a correspondence and as it turned out, we knew each other. Because growing up, we lived only a few hundred yards from each other.  Well, ok, let me be honest. She knew me but try as I might, my menopausal memory would not allow me to remember her. Which is hard to fathom because she is super-memorable.  So maybe we knew each other and may be we didn’t. But we WERE across-the-field neighbors when we were kids. Which is kind of cool. Isn’t the Internet great?

Because she’s also great and because the concept is great and the essays MUST be great, because mine’s in it, she found a publisher.

Soon, on March 3 to be exact, Dumped: Stories of Women Unfriending Women edited by Nina Gaby will be published.  I’m dying to read it and not just because it’s got one of my essays. I’m dying to read it because I think the topic is fascinating and I want to read the stories of the other women writers.

For me the decision to dump a woman friend is never made easily. I’ve done it very few times, but I did it last year after someone I loved like a sister betrayed me in a huge way. It was…necessary.

I’ve been dumped, too, and for reasons that have been clear. Or not so clear.

Dumping, it turns out, is common ground.  It can also be complex and I’m anticipating these essays in a big way.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been so excited about a book.

It’s ready for preorder on Amazon right now.  Hope you’ll pre-order one. Or maybe two, because you absolutely want to give it to your BFF.  Assuming she hasn’t dumped you yet.

23 comments on “Has a woman friend ever dumped you?
  1. ryder ziebarth says:

    Wow! Congrats, Carol. I will look forward to reading soon. Sounds like fun–we’ve all been there and back.

  2. Caryn says:

    I love this concept! Yes, I’ve been dumped. Yes, I’ve dumped. It’s the cycle of life, relationships and friendship. I feel it helps all of us to move into different places along our journeys.

    Excited to read the book when it is available!


  3. YAY! Congratulations Carol! This is very exciting news and I’ll bet the book will be GREAT. As you say, this is a really big topic and I haven’t seen that much about it so I’ll be it will do very well. And YES…I have been dumped before a couple of times and it is not fun. It will be interesting to see what your advice (and the others in the book) suggest. It took me years to get over one particular friend and I felt such freedom and relief when I could finally say that it didn’t bother me any more. Looking forward to the book. ~Kathy

  4. Ellen Dolgen says:

    There were two women in particular that dumped me. I never knew why. It ways very painful. I can’t wait to read this! I shall pre-order it now!!!

  5. pia says:

    Having been both the dumpee and dumper I can relate and am ordering the book now!

  6. I’m trying to relate to the verb “dumped” when it comes to my friendships with women. I’ve certainly had relationships that petered out because of lack of interest and I’ve had blowouts with some friends, but they never ended the friendship. I’m wondering if the fact that I move so often has something to do with it.

  7. Carolann says:

    That is awesome! I did that book advertised someone on the web before. I will get a copy for sure. I think at some point in our lives, we have all experienced this on either end. Excited to read! Congrats GF!

  8. Roz Warren says:

    Really looking forward to reading your essay, Carol.

    Do you mind my asking if you were paid for your work? Publishing anthologies without paying writers seems to be a trend these days. When I edited anthologies, I always paid my writers, even if I couldn’t pay much. But publishing has changed.

  9. Congratulations Carol! It sounds like an awesome book. Like you I’ve been on both ends of this and it definitely isn’t fun either way. Can’t wait to read it!

  10. Lisa Froman says:

    Congrats! I love the theme….!

    I had one close friendship disappear years ago, and oddly enough, reappear ( loosely) recently. But yes, I guess it is true: some friends are only with us for a season.

  11. I was dumped by a “friend” after our kids stopped hanging out together – guess it wasn’t much of a friendship if it was dependent on that! Then there’s the S..L..O..W goodbye where you gradually lose touch and stop calling each other. That one feels better and more mutual. I can’t say I’ve dumped anyone outright but I’ve definitely distanced myself from women who I came to realize were not very healthy friends. You know the kind that leaves you feeling worse after an encounter? I have very little tolerance for that as I get older and wiser…

  12. Congrats on the book! Being the dumper or the dumpee is not fun. The worst is when a relationship suddenly falls apart and you don’t know why.

  13. Karen says:

    Congratulations, Carol! I’ll be sure to order a copy–I have no doubt it’ll be fascinating.

    I’ve been dumped twice–both very painful, and both for reasons that were never explained to me. I don’t think I’ve ever dumped a friend, at least not knowingly.

  14. I think every woman can relate to this. Looking forward to reading the book – and especially your essay.

  15. i can’t wait to read this book. It’s a topic that all women can relate to whether they admit it or not. Congrats on being part of it.

  16. Lana says:

    Congratulations! I broke up with my best friend of over 30 years, and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It was necessary for my mental and physical health, but very difficult nonetheless. I’m really looking forward to reading this.

  17. Ana Valentin says:

    Having recently been dumped by someone that I both considered someone I loved deeply an someone I kind of just hated at times it was definitely hurtful. She was my “best friend” here at my university and without her I realized I only really hung out with her or my boyfriend. Now I seem to spend outlandish amounts of alone time that though I don’t mind I realize isn’t conducive to being a “social” creature. Its hard to start from scratch, particularly as an introverted person. But I’m hoping to jump back into the friend pool, only… I have NO idea where to start

    • I’ve moved a bunch of times and found that people do not ordinarily reach out, so it was up to me to reach out if I met someone interesting. Start a conversation, make a coffee date. Hard for an introvert, I know.

  18. Donna says:

    I am so happy for you! Well actually for all of us, everyone needs to read your words..I cannot wait to read it.

  19. Diane says:

    I’m afraid I’ve more often been the dump-er. But it has always been more of a slow weening process than a surgical procedure. But my one experience as the dump-ee (being told she had other, good friends now and no longer needed me) still hurts. I’d love to read this book! Heading to Amazon…

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