There are no beginnings unless there are endings.

Well, except for birth. That’s the uber-beginning. But endings are natural. Endings of all kinds.

And they’re necessary to clear the way, clear the air, clear our minds, clear emotions.

If we’re lucky, endings come after a big epiphany and the understanding that YES! It MUST end! There is no other way to move forward.

And other endings sneak in on little cat feet (thank you, Carl Sandburg). Maybe we weren’t expecting them. Maybe they were a big shock or only a little one. And maybe we hoped they wouldn’t happen, but like fog, they crept in without us noticing they were on their way.

I’ve had so many endings I feel a bit of an expert at them. Oh, why have I had them? Maybe because I take risks others do not choose to take? Maybe because I live with an open-heart? Not everyone does, you know.

The healthiest way to end 

When I decide to end something, I do not fight. I do not hold grudges. I do not make lists of infractions. I simply look at the big picture and yes, the small one, too, and think, Ohhhh…that’s what you’re about. And then I move on to some other aspect of my happy life. I’ve done that with relationships, jobs and, well, just about all aspects of life.

It can freshen things up. Not always, But it can.

Sometimes, we don’t want an ending. Oh, do I know about that. I’ve had endings that almost took me down, but in the end, it’s not a cliche to say that afterwards, I was stronger than before.

Some endings aren’t permanent. What a pleasant surprise it is to find that an ending was temporary. Once,  it was 26 years of temporary and then, a new beginning. It was…thrilling. Unbelievable. Happy.

Sometimes in that situation we try to reconnect but it doesn’t take. That’s happened in my life, and while it made me sad for a while I moved on faster than I thought I would. But in this case, the reconnection took and changed my life in a big way.

Reconnections are possible

I am a believer in reconnections.  But both parties must desire it and have grown past old sins and resentments. Many people who learn my remarriage story (after divorce) are shocked that we could set aside those old hurts. But I think that’s a testament to growth and maturity. The desire to enjoy the benefits of a reconnection. And also, real love.

A close friend and I broke off some years ago in a difficult way. I am pretty understanding, but not in this case and I don’t think you would be, either. Because I had held this friend’s deepest confidences with sacred respect for many years, I was shocked at their behavior. I had no interest in continuing and left the relationship with no regrets at all. Not a second glance.

A while back I received what could be interpreted as an olive branch from them. I thought about it for a hot minute and realized that there was nothing there I wanted. So there was no reason for me to respond. That door might be the only one that I’ve closed for good.

Sometimes, I have responded to outreach and reconnected threads that had frayed. What a joy! But I have to say that it is the rare person who can grow past old wounds. Other times I’ve attempted reconnections that didn’t take. And while disappointing, again, I simply moved on to the rest of my very happy life.

The biggest reconnection of all

Which is why I appreciate my husband so much on this, the 14th anniversary of our remarriage and the 51st anniversary of our original, eight-year marriage. He had no reason to think I would be open to his offer of reconciliation all those years later. The timing couldn’t have been more difficult for us both. And yet he felt it was worth the risk. He approached with open heart. I responded in like manner.

We spent weeks discussing all that happened back then, all that had happened since, and at the end, I knew that we were both ready to let go of old wounds and be with each other.

No regrets. Not one. Ever. And that old stuff never comes up.

There are so many reasons that this works. Despite our Sicilian heritage, we’re both pretty drama-free people. We have family history–he knows mine and I know his. It gives us great insight into those dynamics and into each other. We’re at a point in our lives where we both appreciate the life we have together. We have no need to make it more…dramatic.

So, yes, endings are natural and normal and not to be feared.

But reconnections? When they’re right, they’re right.

This one is very right. Happy anniversary, Michael. Thanks for reconnecting.