Exception to the rule

November 23, 2009

When I wrote about lies a few posts back, I said that I had a notable exception to my “a lie is a lie” attitude.

Here it is.

If you divorce a spouse to marry someone else, and your spouse asks “is there someone else?” always say “No.”


And then, don’t date publicly for at least six months.

Some people feel it’s necessary to tell their soon-to-be ex the truth.

I don’t think it is.

Why lie?

Because no good can come of the truth. Only hurt.

Why hold off on public dating and defer gratification?

Because it’s mature. And because it’s the least you can do for the person you once were in love with.

If kids are involved, there’s also a good secondary reason to lie and then wait to go public. If you plan to marry the person you’ve been involved with, and the kids are told, know or suspect your involvement during the marriage, in most cases the kids will find it hard to accept the new spouse. Or never accept him or her.

Because to do so would betray the other parent and make a lie of the family relationship the kids thought she or he had.

This is a sticky wicket, for sure. But I’ve thought about it for years and seen it work every way possible between my own experience and that of my friends. I won’t relate the stories, but I could.

And I emerged a real believer in this one Big Lie.

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