“There are a lot of a**holes out there”

August 26, 2016

finding-loveOne of the people dearest to my heart said that to me the other day. She’d just split with a long-time guy, someone she cared deeply for, but didn’t love in that special, sizzling kind of way. She’d been putting off this breakup for, well, years. Yes, many years. Even thought finding love was  high on her priority list.

“To tell you the truth,” she said, “I’m a little afraid of being alone.”

Sigh. I call your attention back to THIS post, not too long ago.

I would guess that fear of being alone is what keeps many women in their 50s and 60s in marriages that have, for lack of a better term, expired. Or in marriages that lack that certain something that keeps us alive and interested.

I understand it. I was in one of those once. Not from fear of being alone. No, I had a “better” reason. But that story’s for another time.

But back to my dear one.

“You know, Carol,” she said, “there are a lot of a**holes out there.”


I know, I know, lots of you think that. And it’s true: when it comes to finding love, yes. there ARE a lot of **holes out there.

But there are far more nice guys than there are a**holes. Why is the default thinking that you’re going to run into one of the bad ones? Why isn’t it “I’m going to meet a really wonderful guy!”

That’s my question.

Listen. If you start out your dating career expecting to meet a**holes, then that’s who you’ll meet.

(shaking my head)  By now we should all understand how important self-talk is. After all, we know the importance of affirmations, right?

So here’s an affirmation:  “I’m going to meet the most wonderful guy who is a perfect fit for me.”

Repeat that every day.

It’s as good at warding off a**holes as holding a crucifix up to a vampire.

21 comments on ““There are a lot of a**holes out there”
  1. Honestly, I’m glad I’m not a single woman out there these days—it is a bit scary, but I think you’re correct in keeping the positive attitude. Fate has a funny way of working things out.

  2. Diane says:

    I believe everyone has some good in them. Sometimes you just have to dig a bit! ????

  3. Momina Arif says:

    This post was uplifting and very honest. I’m glad you shared this

  4. Even with the affirmation- it doesn’t change the situation. Sure, we can brighten up a bad situation, but…

  5. Leanne says:

    I’m with Marcia in that I’m very glad I’m not sifting through the dating scene looking for a wonderful guy to keep me company in my midlife and twilight years. I’m hoping the one that I have sticks around til death us do part – but I’ve also become a believer in positive affirmations – it beats surrounding yourself in negativity.

  6. Heather says:

    I am so glad I am not single, maybe it is my age but it seems scarier out there now!

  7. I’m in a strange relationship. I could probably write a book about it. But, for now, it’s convenient and puts less stress on me financially. I’ve already been a widow so I take it one day at a time.

  8. So here’s the thing. I’m not afraid of being alone. Sure, I say that from the vantage point of being in a great marriage for 30 years, but I already cherish my alone time. I don’t know what I will do if things ever changed and I wasn’t in a relationship, but I have so many wonderful friends and family that I feel like it will be my choice to make.

  9. Finding the right one may require going through a few bad ones. You need to recognize those bad ones and move on quickly NOT wait one minute for them to change. Finding the right one requires you to be completely open and vulnerable. So scary but so worth it.
    Your affirmation worked for me. I said something similar for a year and then I found him.

  10. I can’t even imagine being out in the dating world. There are a lot of assholes out there, for sure – and not just in the dating world!

  11. I would hate to be single. Even on the days my good guy is an asshole (as all folks can be now and then), after 35 years together, I just kinda roll with it. I know I can be a real asshole, too. Thankfully he rolls with it as well as I.

    Good luck to those are seeking a partner with a decent good guy-to-asshole days ratio.

  12. It is difficult to really know whether someone has integrity or not. And even then, everyone makes mistakes. But being alone beats being with a sh*theel.

  13. Elizabeth O. says:

    The best advice I was given about love and relationships is to never settle. Never settle just because you’re used to having that person around or just because you don’t want to be alone. I’ve taken this advice with me for years and it’s been working great. I agree, when you tell yourself that you’re just going to meet assholes, you definitely will.

  14. Estelle says:

    I completely agree. You put out what you attract-so believe that there are good guys out there-because there are.

  15. Momina Arif says:

    Being single is something to enjoy and not something to be ashamed of

  16. Lisa Rios says:

    Honestly I feel safe being married and being under the care of my husband, but I agree everyone has different views as I know friends who leads a single life without any fear. And after all everyone makes mistakes and you should just take the positives and move on!

  17. There are nice people out there….and lots of assholes. A whole basket of them.

  18. janie EMaus says:

    I agree. If you want to meet someone nice and kind, you will!

  19. Rosemond says:

    You kiss a lot of frogs along the way to finding a Prince of a guy, as the saying goes….

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