Forgive & forget

May 12, 2010

It takes a lot of energy to hold a grudge, something that has never been clearer than on that train wreck of a reality show, The Real Housewives of New York City.

It’s horrifying. Very high school.

The show has degenerated into an exercise in Mean Girls, where wealthy, grown women bicker and fight in the most unpleasant of ways. One cast member in particular, Jill Zarin, has picked fights with several of the women, holds onto grudges as if they were lifelines and creates constant drama with the rest of the pack. If I were Jill, they couldn’t pay me enough to have a permanent record of that kind of pathologically negative behavior.

She has blamed the editing.

She’s not the only mean girl. Her “me-too” buddy, “The Countess” plays the stereotypical role of meddling woman, always butting in to “protect” her. Ironically, “The Countess” holds herself out to be the paragon of class and manners, while her behavior is the complete opposite.

(She’s also recorded one of the most horrifyingly bad songs I have ever heard. I’ve embedded the YouTube below. Her 15 minutes should be up soon, I hope.)

Say what you will about trashy reality TV, but it can hold a mirror up and help us contemplate how our own actions impact others.

What if these women used the energy they spent being mean, holding grudges and fostering vendettas in more positive ways? What if they spread love and understanding? Caring and compassion? What if they helped others in real ways, and not by just donating their worn-once couture gowns to a charity thrift shop?

What if that were the example they set for others?

I know something about this. My Sicilian-American culture is rooted in vendettas, those long-running fights and rifts that never heal. Grudges that are held for years.

It’s a famiglia tradition.

But I’m more of a live and let live kind of girl. I let go of issues quickly, forgive without penalty and usually easily forget what an argument’s about. (Thank you, middle-aged brain!)

I will usually reach out in an attempt to heal a rift. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

A grudge is usually not rational. Whether the holder knows it or not, it’s usually a sign of pain. Unacknowledged pain can eat away at you.

Any negativity in life is a waste of energy. Life is short. Why not make it as positive as possible?

So if you have a chance to heal a rift in your life this year, why not do it?

Ok, and here’s “The Countess.” Keep anti-nausea medication close by. You’ll need it.

One comment on “Forgive & forget
  1. Really I think Reality shows are a government plot to keep us from wanting to engage with our neighbors.

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