Healing after divorce

July 18, 2011

Divorce is a reality.
A sad one, but reality, nonetheless.

Here’s another reality of divorce
(or any split):
It’s none of our business.

A divorce (or a romantic split of any kind) is a personal issue between the couple. The outside world knows nothing about what really happened, even if they think they do.

It’s amazing how many people think that friends, family or spectators,
must be one on side or another of a divorce.

I’ve seen relatives greet a departing
partner with closed arms and shut-off body language.
I’ve heard gossip on one side or another.

Not healthy.

It’s entirely possible to provide loving support
to one side or another without being on a “team.”

There are no sides in a split.


The idea of sides only makes sense if you think you’re in combat.

And it’s entirely possible to split up without combat.

Yes, it is. Trust me on that.

But even if YOU think you’re at war, it would be a mistake
to assume that spectators are taking sides.

And oh, by the way, if you ARE at war,
you might pick up a copy of Marianne Williamson’s book on rites and prayers:

Marianne suggests a loving divorce ritual
that includes prayers of forgiveness and release.

Her divorce ritual suggests
that each spouse say to the other in turn
these beautiful words:

I bless you and release you.
Please forgive me;
I forgive you.
Go in peace.
You will remain in my heart.

Who among us doesn’t need forgiveness?
We often hurt those we loved most.

When a relationship ends,
we carry so much emotion
and baggage.
Forgiving the other (and ourselves)
allows us to move on,
to not be stuck in bitter and negative patterns.

Letting our partner go in peace
and allowing them to reside in our heart
is a loving, healing act.

This is such a lovely idea and a civilized way to split,
I wish it were formally incorporated in the way parting couples move on.

♥ ♥ ♥

Long before I read Marianne’s ritual,
I concluded this was the only healthy way to
end a relationship.

I have done this for myself every time
–even if I did it by myself–
and when I felt I could–
and can attest to its healing power.

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