Not actually her, but it could be. How I remember her.
When we met didn’t realize how huge her impact on me would be. The indelible mark she’d leave on my life.
She was, in fact, my very first friend in California. I met her the first week of January 1985 and we were friends until she left us on this day in 2015. December 27.
The day she left us. It seems like only yesterday.
I remember everything about that day. The call from her daughter. Kneeling at her bedside in the ER and instantly seeing she was already on the other side. Even so, talking to her while the ventilator kept her body alive. Noticing the little fleck of mascara left from when she’d washed her face just hours before.
She always washed her makeup off before bed.
She seemed so peaceful. Almost like she was asleep. I asked her to come visit from the other side, and she’s been doing that ever since, more often in the years just after she left us than now.
But still present and sometimes with my heart dog, Riley, also on the other side.
“Who is that little black and white dog that looks like a Shih Tzu?” my favorite medium asked me in a reading. “The one by her side?”
Riley loved her.
Oh, I can hear her now, “Oh, Riley! Now be a good boy!” They visited together just a week before her death and he was the subject of the text she sent me a week after she passed.
Yep. That happened. And this is the text. Dated January 2. She died December 27. Go figure.
I remember hearing the ding as the text came in and when I looked at my phone I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. So I called her daughter, who told me she did not send the text and that no one had the phone. It was in her mother’s empty house.
After that my dear friend had a lot to say. She’s been pretty quiet for a while now. But very much always here in my life.
These days I spend a lot of time thinking. Ruminating. Remembering. Our cooking trip to Italy. Weekends at her waterfront vacation home. Lunches at the old California Cafe. Coffee at Panera. Sitting with her during chemo. Watching Hallmark movies together. Sharing confidences. Laughing. Oh, and Michael making her favorite birthday cake to her exact specifications just days before she left us!
So Marilyn comes to mind a lot. Especially when I have something I’d like to share with her. Or run by her. Which is pretty often.
I started an essay about her before she died. Years before, actually. But finished it the day after she passed, submitted it to an anthology and it was published the following year. If you haven’t read it, find it here.
Some people leave a huge void in your life when they move on. It’s not possible to fill it. Each dear friend has a unique shape and structure and leaves their own indelible mark.
My sister friend passed away from cancer in September of 2015. I never cooked for her. She always wanted to do the cooking. She was a nourisher; everyone whose shadow darkened her doorstep got nourished in some way. I remember my last meal with her, a BBQ,before she got too sick to eat, and one of her specialties was on the menu – German potato salad. We serve it (not hers; she never shared her recipes) in the summer now to honor her. I love how you made the connection with your friend – so different on the outside and yet your hearts knew.
Yes, exactly. We got whatever that intangible thing is. I have so many memories still and I treasure them. I do think it’s easier to have that kind of relationship if you weren’t raised together because you meet on equal ground as adults. I feel very lucky to have had her in my life. I am sorry for your loss of your own sister-friend.
All I could think through this post was how much she must love you to remain so present in your life.
I’m so glad you are as grateful for her as she obviously is for you!
Thank you for sharing her and these lovely experiences with us!
So happy and sad at the same time. I sometimes wonder if our animals are with my dad who passed away 8 years ago. It still feels impossible that he’s gone, them too. Marilyn sounds like an amazing person.
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“Who is that little black and white dog that looks like a Shih Tzu?” my favorite medium asked me in a reading. “The one by her side?”
My sister friend passed away from cancer in September of 2015. I never cooked for her. She always wanted to do the cooking. She was a nourisher; everyone whose shadow darkened her doorstep got nourished in some way. I remember my last meal with her, a BBQ,before she got too sick to eat, and one of her specialties was on the menu – German potato salad. We serve it (not hers; she never shared her recipes) in the summer now to honor her. I love how you made the connection with your friend – so different on the outside and yet your hearts knew.
Yes, exactly. We got whatever that intangible thing is. I have so many memories still and I treasure them. I do think it’s easier to have that kind of relationship if you weren’t raised together because you meet on equal ground as adults. I feel very lucky to have had her in my life. I am sorry for your loss of your own sister-friend.
All I could think through this post was how much she must love you to remain so present in your life.
I’m so glad you are as grateful for her as she obviously is for you!
Thank you for sharing her and these lovely experiences with us!
What an inspirational thought! I will hold on to that.
Beautiful, Carol. I’ve experienced similar, but not as concrete as a text. What a force of soul she must be.
It gets better. She actually has appeared a couple times to her daughter!
So happy and sad at the same time. I sometimes wonder if our animals are with my dad who passed away 8 years ago. It still feels impossible that he’s gone, them too. Marilyn sounds like an amazing person.
I believe your animals are with your father.