How it’s supposed to be

August 13, 2012
Supposed:
 Assuming that something is the case 
without proof or certain knowledge.

♦ ♦ ♦

Why couldn’t he have been different?
It’s a plaintive cry
and we’ve all either made it
or heard it.
.
So many of us think that everyone else’s
parent
spouse
grandparent
friend
lover 
family
is
absolutely
positively
perfect.

Or at least meets some objective standard of
the way it’s supposed to be.

I can’t tell you enough what a futile assumption this is
and how much time we waste
wishing someone were
the way they aren’t
instead of accepting what really is true:

that people do the best they can do,
even when it falls short, it’s still the best they can do.

People will always fail to meet our expectations.
They can only be who they are:
flawed
pockmarked
imperfect.

In reality, we have no choice but to accept it.

Acceptance.
Sounds good in theory 
but so hard to put in practice.
But, consider this:
we can hold on to supposed to be
and rail away at the way things are, 
the way someone is, 
tilting at windmills like Don Quixote,
but it won’t change a thing.
It’s a recipe for heartbreak
and constant disappointment.
It doesn’t change a thing,
 because people can only be who they are.
Loving acceptance is the best path
and the key to avoiding disappointment.

I blame fairy tales.

4 comments on “How it’s supposed to be”
  1. Leigh Young says:
    September 25, 2013 at 9:29 am

    I agree! I too, blame fairy tales! And yet we continue to set up our children with the same stories…

    Reply
  2. Jo Heroux says:
    September 25, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    I told my kids and still do sometimes…happily ever after is a matter of choice, choose it.
    Imperfections in humans is exactly who we are. Celebrating the differences or even the downfall of other people we love or care about is hard sometimes, but it’s always worth it in the end.
    You don’t have to like everything about anyone to love their soul. And that’s what matters.

    Reply
  3. Joyce says:
    September 28, 2013 at 11:02 am

    Well said. The grass is always greener on the other side.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

    Reply

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