Can’t win for losing

March 17, 2017

One of the things I find so interesting about social media is the close up and personal view they provide of human behavior…in its rawest form.

It’s surprising how unguarded people are about what they post. It’s as if they don’t understand how much of themselves they reveal.  And here’s what I’ve noticed:

Unicorns & Rainbows

There’s a group of people who simply do not want their “friends” to complaint about their health. They have no patience with posts about constantly not feeling well. Or falling on any kind of hard times. I call them the Unicorns and Rainbow Crowd because they don’t hesitate to respond in rather nasty and impatient ways to “friends” who post about chronic pain, chronic illness or anything else that doesn’t reflect a perfect life. Back in my day, those kind of people would say Don’t harsh my mellow. We were all about the smiley face.That’s what this crowd would say if they could.

But for God’s sake don’t be TOO perfect because there’s another whole crowd who simply can not tolerate THAT.

How dare you be happy?

This other group doesn’t like to see posts in which people are super happy. Maybe it’s super in love or the kids are accomplishing something cool or folks are getting great jobs or even taking big vacations. No, don’t you dare post about your fabulous life if you’re happy because, well, you are showing off how happy you are. And we don’t want to read about your beautiful life because we COMPARE. And when we compare we come up short.

Isn’t human behavior fascinating?

So, you can’t be too miserable and you can’t be too happy, so maybe all you can do to make everyone happy is post cute cat and dog pics.

But don’t let that bother you.

Here’s the thing: your life is your life, no matter what it is. Painful, happy, or something in between, it’s your authentic life.

So post away, kids. Tell us about your life: good, bad or indifferent.

And to the haters unicorns and rainbow crowd, well, get a grip. Life isn’t unicorns and rainbows for everyone. And to those who can’t stand to hear about the good fortune of others? Get a grip. Or rather, stop comparing your life to that of others. The good fortune of others has nothing to do with you. Nothing.

And oh by the way…some of us curious folk observe what you do on Facebook and are drawing our own conclusions.

Just saying.

Yes, human behavior is so interesting, isn’t it?









45 comments on “Can’t win for losing
  1. Spot-on observations!

  2. Thecla says:

    Human behaviour is super interesting, I totally agree!

  3. Humans are an interesting lot. We are never satisfied. If we were all hermits, what would our lives be then? We would probably follow our bliss and not worry about what the hermit in the cave next door was doing. Gee, what a concept!

  4. Kristen m says:

    Very interesting post. I suppose both the unicorns and the how dare you crowd may be missing something in their own lives.

  5. so much to say on this topic. great post.

  6. So true! Can’t be too miserable and you can’t be too happy! Where is the good medium? lol

  7. Helene Cohen Bludman says:

    Yes, always! Our different outlooks sure add spice to the conversation, don’t they?

  8. Barbara says:

    I’m sure there are many who have, at the very least, unfollowed me due to my politics but, that’s fine with me because I’ve done the same. It’s nice to be able to control what you read about.

  9. Hannah says:

    Interesting read. And true you can see so much from facebook profile.

  10. Really? I have found people to be very supportive during hard times, like my husband’s illness, and only nasty when it comes to politics!

  11. Celia says:

    It’s so true. Half of my friends don’t want to see anything negative, but many (including myself) are grateful when people bring a bit of realness in.

  12. An interesting post – Thanks for sharing!

  13. I’ve been paying particular attention to this lately. I just love people and I respect the passion of those I may disagree with. My life would be so boring if I only read and was only friends with people that always agreed with me about everything. I suppose that would grow my ego but I’d rather grow my mind. I do not care one bit for people that act like middle school bullies on social media. As you can imagine I’ve been attacked quite a bit over the last 18-months and my grandchildren follow me. It really hurt them. I hope Michael is continuing to improve.

  14. this is so true! For example, I don’t post my issues or problems on my social media. It is mostly gun things with my kids. Well I had someone say something about how my life can’t possibly be that perfect. Well DUH! I just don’t need everyone seeing the problems.

  15. It’s my Facebook and I’ll cry if I want to!


  16. Ruth Curran says:

    SIlly, silly humans have no idea that we are watching do they :)! (Intentional smiley because that is, you know all too well, who I am!)

  17. Those control freaks always amaze me. A lot of times they are the ones constantly spouting love and light but are intolerant when it really gets down to it. I just hide posts or unfriend people if their posts are offensive. But it has to be something really awful like abused dogs to make me do that.

  18. Payastyle says:

    Too happy = bad, Too miserable = bad, well I believe we should not care and just be ourselves and enjoy our life, if someone finds it annoying too bad!

  19. If someone doesn’t like what I post, they can just unfollow me. That’s what I do!

  20. I find this to be true too – I tend to be surrounded by the rainbows and unicorns crowd, which is sometimes inconvenient since my life is not always rainbows OR unicorns, although that would be lovely. Many of them seem to only comment or participate when I post something immensely positive, funny, or “stupid,” but those same people vanish completely when I’m depressed or going through something.

  21. Oh, yes, human beings are fascinating – and not always in a good way! Seriously, why can’t people keep their judgement to themselves – especially on someone else’s FB page?!

  22. Elizabeth O. says:

    Thank you for saying this or rather, posting it. People can be so negative, they don’t like it when others are happier or more fortunate than they are. Can’t we just be more positive about life in general and appreciate the good things that happen to us and to others? Jeez.

  23. stacey says:

    I say this all the time. I shake my head with what some people share on social media. As if they post it and then get mad when people say something or get into their business. But haters will be haters no matter what.

  24. Jacqui S says:

    One thing we will all learn. You cannot make everyone happy. You have to live your life to make you happy and the others will either fall in line or leave. Either way, you’ll know who your true friends are. Thank you for sharing!

  25. Jasmyne says:

    Such an interesting post!

  26. Ronnie says:

    Social media is definitely an interesting psychological experiment, and I think it’s affecting our personalities overall. I believe in keeping things more private and personal. I don’t like sharing my every issue with everyone and I won’t get involved with other people’s personal issues either. I can offer support in private chat or through a phone call, but I’m not comfortable with public display.

  27. Cyn says:

    Great post and fascinating replies. The running commentary of the human race.

  28. We have a different life, fortune, happiness. Can’t we be just happy for the luck of others instead of comparing. Jealousy can be misleading and it is a very unhealthy practice. Accepting oneself and knowing that we are all equal in the eyes of God can help a lot. If you feel good about yourself and your neighbor, blessings will come your way.

  29. Megan says:

    I agree, it can be such a fine line to walk. We should always go with our instincts, chances are there is someone that needs to see what you have to say, good, bad or indifferent.

  30. Yeah these observations are definitely true. People can complain about their health on Facebook but there does come a point where some people seem to be doing nothing but complaining all day everyday and I’ve seen other people react to this with nasty comments before. I do understand that people get jealous of other people’s perfect successful lives just like the Morrissey song says “We hate it when our friends become successful”

  31. Rosey says:

    I just post what I want and don’t think twice about it. I can see how Facebook could wreak havoc on esteem as a younger version of me though. Some things about getting old really rock. 🙂

  32. Human nature is very interesting for sure! Very interesting post.

  33. I’m pretty careful about how much I share on Facebook. I don’t post health information as I’m private and don’t wish to put on social media. I actually did post something once and it was misinterpreted and blew up in a way I had not expected. Lesson learned. I don’t begrudge people doing wonderful extraordinary things That is the thing of inspiration.

  34. Angela Milnes says:

    refers to the array of every physical action and observable emotion associated with individuals, as well as the human race as a whole.

  35. Anna Palmer says:

    I often wonder about the filters that we overlay when presenting our lives publicly. Does it bring the poster joy to put their idealized version of his/her life on display for public consumption? Or does it get in the way of appreciating what they really have in the nitty gritty trenches of life? Or both/and.

    • It’s a good question. I think we all have a need to share. The person who posts what their cat does every few hours or what they are fixing for dinner is not any different that the person who is leaving for the French Riviera. I think it’s a matter of diverse lifestyles–each of us reflects what we are doing. There are those who do image management, for sure. But maybe not as many as just post what they are up to. As far as the nitty gritty.. the way I look at it, some things are just too personal to share with every single person I know (and those I don’t really know who are just FB “friends”. I am always going to have that filter on some personal things; most of us do. I might share selectively or even not at all. But few things are that personal in my life. Generally, what you see is what you get IRL. But then, you know that because we have met! This is a topic for our girls trip.

  36. Beth Giusti says:

    I love the people that post in code. You can tell they want you to ask what is wrong/happening, but didn’t already disclose it. No one wants to spend time figuring out what your cryptic messages mean! lol

  37. You are right Carol you just can’t win so just be who you are. I find that people are so wrapped up in themselves they don’t even hear you sometimes. The problem is that because they don’t want to hear any negatives some people who are reaching out for help don’t receive the support from friends they may need at that time. Sometimes THEY REALLY DO NEED LOVE AND SUPPORT and are desperate for someone to listen. I loved this post but then I enjoy all of your writing.

  38. Austin says:

    If by “interesting” you mean confusing, weird, and impossible to understand… 🙂

  39. Stacey W says:

    Social media has created a whole new dynamic of online personalities!

  40. Thank you for sharing your wonderful post at #OverTheMoon. I look forward to what you will share next week! Like someone in person today! We hope you’ll come back again next Sunday when we open our doors at 6:00 PM EST. Pinned and tweeted!

  41. Silly Mummy says:

    Very accurate! I think you have to take people with a pinch of salt on facebook!

  42. Bennymakachi says:

    I love your blog and write ups! This is so true. I’m one of the those who believe everything shouldn’t be put out there, but, one has to be their true and authentic self. Post what you like

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Follow Carol


Here you’ll find my blog, some of my essays, published writing, and my solo performances. There’s also a link to my Etsy shop for healing and grief tools offered through A Healing Spirit.


I love comments, so if something resonates with you in any way, don’t hesitate to leave a comment on my blog. Thank you for stopping by–oh, and why not subscribe so you don’t miss a single post?


Subscribe to my Blog

Receive notifications of my new blog posts directly to your email.