Hurt’s a funny thing.

June 1, 2009

I have a big heart for forgiveness, but that doesn’t mean that some hurts don’t cut deep.

They lurk, hidden away in the dark parts of your heart, until something happens that brings them front and center. It’s not like you think about them all the time. Or even often. It’s just that something said or done becomes a catalyst that almost refreshes the hurt.

Hurt’s funny like that.

You’d think that this would be the case with FLH, but it isn’t. The reason it isn’t is that I spent a lot of time and effort addressing the pain decades ago. I took responsibility for my part of it.

Then, last year, FLH addressed HIS part of it with me.

Nothing was verboten in our conversation. Nothing. We got to say how we felt back then. We got to talk it all out without rancor, or guilt, or hostility.

We each got to apologize. Me decades ago, him last year. Most important, we took responsibility for our roles. We validated one another’s feelings.

I think that’s the key. Talking it out without hostility. Being willing to listen. Validating the other person’s feelings. Even if we didn’t mean to hurt them. Taking responsibility.

It’s easy to get pissed off.

It’s harder to listen, validate, appreciate.

Then, and only then, can forgiveness begin.

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