So here’s the truth. When you date someone “in a program,” you really don’t feel right about drinking. At all. And it makes a difference. Even if you don’t drink that much.
And God knows, you don’t dare have a toke.
With someone in recovery, it’s not like you can drop into a bar for a cold beer. Go out for a cocktail. Celebrate with a flute of champagne. Have a glass of wine with dinner. Or have beer with your hot dog at a ball game.
You just don’t feel like it. It seems…awkward.
It also doesn’t seem very grown up.
Ok, ok, I know I’m supposed to “get it” and understand that addiction is a disease, addicts are suffering, yadda yaddah yadda.
But fact is, I just don’t get it. I’m not an alcoholic or a drug addict. I quit smoking cold turkey. And it’s true that I like food more than I should, but I don’t believe it’a a disease –it’s my lack of willpower. And I can control it. Or not.
So, really, I DON’T get it. Nope. I don’t. And I don’t WANT to get it. Because I don’t want to be anywhere near that kind of life. Never did. Had he copped to it upfront I would never have dated him. Because I know for certain that I am a BAAAD match for men in recovery.
Now, it’s not like I ever drank all that much. I’m maybe a 1 on a scale where 10 is a full-out lush. I might even be a minus one.
But I must say that I like this life a lot better. I like ordering a cocktail occasionally without guilt. Knowing we can walk into a pub and have a beer.
What god is this? The god is wine, and although I won’t spend a lot of time with him, ever, it’s nice to know that, once in a while, I can cuddle up to him without guilt.