Not everyone’s going to appreciate this post. Some people will even think it’s the devil’s work. Especially those with fundamental religious beliefs.

I don’t expect you to believe what I believe. And as deeply held as your beliefs are, well, mine are just as deeply held.

Some people don’t talk about this at all, because they know many will be skeptical. Sometimes, folks hear the words and are not ready to hear the message.

So be it.

What happens after death? Do you know?

I don’t know, not really. But, I do believe our loved ones don’t just disappear completely.

We grieve our loss, but, as someone* said the other day, we grieve out of fear: fear that we’ll never see our loved one again.

This past weekend I was lucky enough to be in one of the last 50-person small group meetings with the medium, John Edward. {*John was the person who said that.}

I was scheduled to go to Long Island for a similar session last Labor Day, but my flight was canceled. I rebooked for the closer event in Las Vegas this past weekend.

I found John Edward in the year 2000 through his original television show, Crossing Over. Grieving my mother’s death and searching for understanding, I was riveted. I probably watched every single show in the series over a period of years.

Over time, I grew to believe strongly that John is the real deal. That he actually could connect with energy of those who have passed. Don’t ask me how he does it. I just know that he does. {And not everyone who claims the gift actually has it. There are definitely scam artists in this line of work.}

A few years later, a friend took me to see John for my birthday. The event was held in a huge venue in San Francisco, and while it was interesting, nothing happened for me.

In the summer of 2006 I visited John’s website and found that he was appearing in Tampa. When I called for tickets, I was crestfallen to find they were sold out.

I didn’t often visit his website, and I can’t tell you why I went back to it a week later. There was no logical reason as I knew the Tampa event was full. When I did, I was surprised and excited to see that they’d added another Tampa appearance. I got a ticket. {I don’t think this was an accident.}

I was a nervous wreck. I wanted to be prepared, so I organized photos and mementos. I wore my mother’s jewelry. I said a bunch of rosaries. I listened to the chaplet of divine mercy. More than once. I showed up two hours early and sat in the front row.

There were probably 150 people in that group. Not everyone was “read,” but I was lucky enough to receive very specific information that could only have come from my family. I validated information I wasn’t sure of with relatives still living, and it was correct.

So I knew generally what to expect from this smaller group in Las Vegas, but there was no guarantee I’d get a message. There were actually three events, so I figured my chances were good. Still, I tried to keep my expectations low.

The Friday night group was significantly more intimate than my last. It didn’t surprise me when, toward the end of his second hour, he said, “I see boxes…” and his reading for me went from there. {No, I hadn’t told anyone in the room or with his organization that I’ve just moved.}

It was an emotional evening. Quite a few of the group were parents who had lost children under sad or tragic circumstances. The session became mostly about them. It was powerful and it demonstrated his gift to the fullest. It wasn’t so much what he told me that moved me–it was what he told those parents. It would be virtually impossible to have witnessed what I did and remain a skeptic.

It also demonstrated John’s humanity. At one point, he spoke to a little boy who was about 10 years old. The boy had lost his brother and was there with his parents. For me, it was the most poignant and touching part of the evening, with everyone in tears.

Let me tell you a little about John. He’s a regular guy. A husband, a dad. A normal person. Sincere. Accessible, warm, friendly. He got bored waiting in another room for our 7pm start time, so he strode into the room early, smiling, wearing jeans, a casual polo shirt and beat-up tennis shoes to answer questions and talk informally before the official “start.” {No, he did not ask us about ourselves nor did we talk about ourselves.} Then, he stuck around to chat informally afterwards. Only one person treated him like a “celebrity” –she wanted a photo with him. We were lucky enough to have regular conversations with him. He’s real.

He considers himself a teacher, and I believe he is. He considers his work “healing,” and I believe it is.

But the evening wasn’t over.

Hollister Rand, a medium with whom John sometimes works, also spent two hours with us after John. I was floored when, right after an opening prayer, she said “I hear the name Carol…” and it went from there. Yes, of course, there was a registration list that she might have seen. {I don’t believe she did. And none of the other readings started like mine.} However, she gave me information (some shockingly random) that was accurate.

Then, as a holiday bonus, John’s organization gave the entire small group a ticket for a larger event John would do the following morning. Again, I was surprised when, toward the end, John asked if anyone was from Syracuse, and it went from there. {My husband and I met at Syracuse University.}

I was three for three.

What these mediums told me is personal and the details are less important than the fact that it was accurate. I can’t tell you how John does what he does. I can only tell you that I believe he does make a connection with those who have passed. As does Holly.

“We think things are random, but they aren’t,” Holly said the other night.

There is no question that the most momentous thing that’s happened in my life is that my first husband and I reconciled after 28 years apart.

The person who took our divorce hardest, and for whom our reconciliation was a fondest wish was my mother. No question.

And isn’t it just too convenient that, on the very day I planned to end it with the man who was my fiance at the time all this began to unfold, as I was pondering what exactly I would say, that man gave me a reason to instantly end the the relationship.

We think things are random, but they aren’t.

I’ve come to believe that there is a plan and we are pretty clueless until it unfolds. It’s only in retrospect that we see how the decisions we made {or think we made} lined us up for what was to come.

I have struggled with understanding how my first husband could return after so many years. Sometimes, I look over at him and think, how did this happen?

Sometimes I think about how much “positioning” had to go on for M. and I to align when we did. You can not even imagine how puzzling this is.

This past weekend, immersed in the metaphysical, I came to see that M. and my reconciliation after 28 years apart was the most significant, impactful sign I could ever have that something greater is at work in our lives. {And besides God, that has to be my mother, who always was a force to be reckoned with.}

I’ve come to believe that there are things that we do not understand. And perhaps do not need to understand.

I believe that one day we will have more understanding. That the metaphysical will be a more accepted line of study and work.

But it won’t happen in my lifetime.

I’m sorry I won’t be around to see it from here.

But I’m certain that I’ll be watching from over there as people here discover what John and many others already know.

Yep.

Certain of it.