I’m not so sure that the most important key word here is logic as much as it is COMFORT. Because nice as it is, comfort is a trap. A cushy trap. One that keeps us from making any real change in our lives. A de-motivator. And don’t I know it.
Do you know anyone who has stayed in a bad relationship for decades? Sure, they may have been dissatisfied — but that dissatisfaction became the comfortable status quo. What they knew. Familiar discomfort is always more comfortable than the unknown.
Yes, settling back into the armchair of discomfort can be a safe haven from the new, the unfamiliar, the unknown. But no change, no progress, really, no forward momentum can happen while we’re relaxed in that armchair. And what keeps us there is FEAR. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the unfamiliar. Fear of failure.
Logic is how we rationalize our decisions, how we lock down the status quo so securely that change can’t get in.
Look, anyone with a brain can figure out how to make a logical case for any decision, a case so convincing that it’s hard to refute.
But who’s fooling who? (or, to be grammatically correct, who’s fooling whom?)
Logic isn’t all that, you know. Oh, it has its place. But when human behavior is concerned and especially when change is the issue, it’s wise to test that logic and probably with someone who doesn’t have a stake in the analysis.
I agree logic and fear can keep you trapped in a bad situation–marriage, relationship with another person ( and I mean friendship, too) or a job–just to name a few of the many times my life has needed reexamining from time to time. Fear of the unknown is a very strong motivator not to change. This is a good post Carol–a great reminder to really ask one’s self, “Who am I? What do I want out of this situation that I am not I getting?” and ” what am I afraid of and what am I willing to give up to stay put?” Sometimes it’s better to wait and work a situation out, sometimes its better to walk away. But it really is all about YOU, and no one else.As we say in Alanon ” LET IT BEGIN WITH YOU”
I’ve never had the courage to leave a situation (job or relationship) before it was to the point of : “the idea of staying was more terrifying than leaving.” I hope I’ve grown out of this inertia guided by fear. But my greater hope is I never have to find out.
Sometimes logic does get confused with what is really at the heart of the matter, fear. We justify, rationalize our lack of inertia by finding the “logic” in the situation. I know my Mom stayed in a horrible marriage for 35+ years because it was the “logical” thing to do, not because she was happy.
When it comes to affairs of the heart, logic ceases to exist! I have a friend who has time in and out proven this theory. There’s no talking or arguing it with her either. Oh well, as the Beatles said, Let it be..and that’s what I do know.
The Tina Turner song, ‘What’s Love got yo do with it’ substitute the word logic for love and you have a tough situation. Logic is sometimes too hard to make sense of!
Hi Carol! I heard a question some time ago that sort of sums it up for me. What’s easier to give up? Sex or rationalizations? No question about it, none of us could give up our rationalizations (or logic). The trick of course is to be aware of our blind spots so we hold ourselves back from doing what we really need/want to do. Thanks for the reminder! ~Kathy
Facing our fears, and taking steps to plan for them to help change I think is the way forward. I agree it’s really easy to stay in our comfort zone, but identifying what we’re afraid of and taking action limit the risks involved will help. I think our biggest fear is time, some people want everything all at once instead of working for it in some way
Interesting post! Logic is hard to explain.. it has to even click to think logically. Our brain can’t be understood and how we rationalize our decisions is so unclear to me!
This is such a thought-provoking subject, but before I forget I love the photo at the beginning of this post!
Logic? Comfort? Yes, I get stuck because I adore comfort and fear sometimes to me is like a deer with headlights. I stand still. As a work in progress I try to take a good, hard look at myself to try to move forward out of my comfort zone. I’m trying, Carol, I really am. Thanks for making me do some more soul searching.
We used to be friends with another couple years ago. They were terrific one on one. We were really close friends, but together they were a train wreck. I can’t imagine having that kind of relationship. It’s very easy to do living life in that armchair, but I think the regrets one would have at the end of their life would be the real tragedy.
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I agree logic and fear can keep you trapped in a bad situation–marriage, relationship with another person ( and I mean friendship, too) or a job–just to name a few of the many times my life has needed reexamining from time to time. Fear of the unknown is a very strong motivator not to change. This is a good post Carol–a great reminder to really ask one’s self, “Who am I? What do I want out of this situation that I am not I getting?” and ” what am I afraid of and what am I willing to give up to stay put?” Sometimes it’s better to wait and work a situation out, sometimes its better to walk away. But it really is all about YOU, and no one else.As we say in Alanon ” LET IT BEGIN WITH YOU”
I’ve never had the courage to leave a situation (job or relationship) before it was to the point of : “the idea of staying was more terrifying than leaving.” I hope I’ve grown out of this inertia guided by fear. But my greater hope is I never have to find out.
Sometimes logic does get confused with what is really at the heart of the matter, fear. We justify, rationalize our lack of inertia by finding the “logic” in the situation. I know my Mom stayed in a horrible marriage for 35+ years because it was the “logical” thing to do, not because she was happy.
When it comes to affairs of the heart, logic ceases to exist! I have a friend who has time in and out proven this theory. There’s no talking or arguing it with her either. Oh well, as the Beatles said, Let it be..and that’s what I do know.
Best way to be, let it be.
The Tina Turner song, ‘What’s Love got yo do with it’ substitute the word logic for love and you have a tough situation. Logic is sometimes too hard to make sense of!
I have found that sometimes logic works and sometimes it does not. It can be a crazy world that we live in. 🙂
Hi Carol! I heard a question some time ago that sort of sums it up for me. What’s easier to give up? Sex or rationalizations? No question about it, none of us could give up our rationalizations (or logic). The trick of course is to be aware of our blind spots so we hold ourselves back from doing what we really need/want to do. Thanks for the reminder! ~Kathy
Those devilish blind spots, i know them well!
Facing our fears, and taking steps to plan for them to help change I think is the way forward. I agree it’s really easy to stay in our comfort zone, but identifying what we’re afraid of and taking action limit the risks involved will help. I think our biggest fear is time, some people want everything all at once instead of working for it in some way
Ah, an interesting point.
Interesting post! Logic is hard to explain.. it has to even click to think logically. Our brain can’t be understood and how we rationalize our decisions is so unclear to me!
Yes, we think the heart is a mystery–the brain is a bigger one!
This is such a thought-provoking subject, but before I forget I love the photo at the beginning of this post!
Logic? Comfort? Yes, I get stuck because I adore comfort and fear sometimes to me is like a deer with headlights. I stand still. As a work in progress I try to take a good, hard look at myself to try to move forward out of my comfort zone. I’m trying, Carol, I really am. Thanks for making me do some more soul searching.
I think it is the human condition, Cathy.
We used to be friends with another couple years ago. They were terrific one on one. We were really close friends, but together they were a train wreck. I can’t imagine having that kind of relationship. It’s very easy to do living life in that armchair, but I think the regrets one would have at the end of their life would be the real tragedy.
That’s such a good point.