Love isn’t enough

May 20, 2013
Painting in Sonoma

It doesn’t matter how much two people love one another
if they are developmentally incompatible,
or if there is not a shared willingness to become conscious.
Love alone is not enough. 
If you want it to last, you have to relate to each other
in ways that keep the ship afloat.
~Soulshaping/Jeff Brown
This is one of the most brilliant things I’ve read on the topic of relationships.
By the time we grow into our adulthood, most of us understand that
the fairy tale is just that and that love is not enough, not by itself.
But this idea of being “developmentally incompatible” really resonates.
A “shared willingness to become conscious” seems to mean
the ability to be aware of what’s going on with you,
individually and as part of a relationship.
It also requires the ability to make careful and intelligent
decisions about life and the relationship.
If you’re not willing to do that, you really can’t count on love to carry you through.
I’ve always called them “the practicalities”
but I now see that not having “the practicalities” is the effect, not the cause.
The root?  it’s more than that.
It’s when a part of the couple is, for one reason or another,
stunted in their development.
Unwilling to see that even with love, a relationship is not a given.
It takes effort.
That Jeff Brown is a brilliant guy.
Can’t wait to see his new book on love this year.
One comment on “Love isn’t enough
  1. Ginger Kay says:

    That’s an interesting thought. I agree. I can think of a number of couples I know who have struggled, some failed, precisely because of this. Developmentally incompatible sounds much less judgmental than the ways this is usually phrased, too.

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