Missing her

May 31, 2017

So I’m missing her.

I’m not going to say I took her for granted, because I never did.

I’m not going to say that I didn’t think there’d be a void when she left us, because I knew there would be.

I’ll just say that I didn’t think it would be so big. So huge.

And that I’d miss her in all those small moments, those times when stuff happens and I want to vent or commiserate.  I remember the look on her face as she assessed what I was telling her and how her face told me she was formulating a response or advice even before the whole story was out.

And while there are others in my life with whom I can vent and commiserate, it really does feel like a very long day without her.  A day that’s lasted nearly a year and a half so far.


Releasing Grief Affirmation Cards from AHealingSpirit.org.

Grief is a long process, life-long, actually. The loss of a loved one is not something we “get over.”  It’s not a snit or a fit of anger. It’s deep and it’s sharp and maybe it dulls over time but it’s still there.

It’s helpful to feel it.

I know, that sounds counter-intuitive. Many people want to sweep those emotions under the rug. Grief isn’t pretty.

But any good therapist will tell you that it’s healthy to feel into our grief. To mourn in whatever way you do. For as long as you need to. Including forever.  Oh, active grief must and will transform over time to something less overwhelming. But grief is always part of us.

My mother was the first person for whom I felt that kind of grief and here’s what helped me: talking about her. Writing about her. Thinking about her. Her death inspired my line of products and services to support those who grieve. They include a beautiful set of affirmation cards (pictured left), a helpful guided journal and a powerful downloadable guided imagery audio.

If you or someone you love is grieving, they can be a help. You can look at them HERE. I hope you’ll give them a try.

56 comments on “Missing her
  1. My brother. Every day. Too young, and the most guileless (if too hard on his life and body)person I ever met. I don’t even try to fight the occasional gut punch when I see someone walking by who looks like him. I’ve learned to take my own hand.

    You are right. Grief reshapes itself into our lives. And it makes us tender in some ways that we may have needed. Either way, yes, it’s there to be noticed.

  2. Diane says:

    I totally agree. Grief is something that become part of you. Attached forever to your loved one. And I also agree that the best therapy is positive thoughts and remembering all the good times and wonderful experiences. I love your line of products and services. They are so needed!

  3. This is so wonderful! You can’t just “get over” grief. You have to work though it. That takes time and patience.

  4. This is something all of us will need at one point or another in our lives. We all experience loss. This can help all of us get through it.

  5. Brandy says:

    I have not experienced grief so deeply that it lasted too long, occasionally I remember a few people who have passed that meant the world to me. I shed a slight tear and then smile. I know they would want me to live happily and that keeps my grief at bay. Hugs, grief is not an easy process and it sneaks up on us sometimes.

  6. Robin rue says:

    My mother just passed in February, so I haven’t even really started to deal with it yet.

  7. Sarah Bailey says:

    This is such a lovely idea, you can’t just get over it and everyone’s process is so different. So it is always nice to have something that can help in a small way.

  8. Grief is a long processing that is neither fun nor uplifting in any aspect. It is something that only is healed with time.

  9. Grief can be hard to deal with. I remember last year- the anniversary of my friends death was yesterday- when I heard that my friend had died in a car crash- she had died yesterday a year ago but we were not told until a few weeks later. A few hours later I then found out that my grandma had died, so I lost two people within a few hours of each other.It was hard to deal with at first but then I learnt to deal with it. I am sorry for your losses x

  10. Liz Mays says:

    It’s definitely natural to feel grief and it’s important that we allow ourselves to feel these emotions. It’s definitely not always easy to do so!

  11. Athena says:

    Yup – my father and grandmother. Every day and I am sure for the rest of my life. The holes they leave behind are huge.

  12. Barbara says:

    Grief is so personal, I think. We all handle it in our own way but, I think your new product line will help people move through it a bit easier. I just wrote about how to explain the death of a pet to a child, and it was hard to do.
    You are providing a wonderful service, Carol.

  13. Nellwyn says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I think it’s beautiful that her death inspired you to help others through their own grief.

  14. Pam says:

    This is a great post because it addresses the fact that many people feel there should be a timeline on grief. Grief is forever.

  15. Chanel van Reenen says:

    I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad last year and it doesn’t get easier. Grief just becomes apart of you. My heart and prayers are with you. xo

  16. mitch says:

    It is tough. I am lucky to have almost all my family still around us. I do get sad for those I have lost, I hate getting those reminders, dear friends who were taken much to early.

  17. I have had grief in my family starting at a young age. My brother, when he was three, passed away unexpectedly. As a teen my grandparents died a few months apart. It was a tough time for my mom. It was tough to watch her suffer.

  18. Kristina says:

    Grief is tough and it becomes a part of us that never goes away. Over time the grief lessens and isn’t as intense but it lessens. The first time I ever had to truly grieve was the loss of my late husband. I felt like my heart sank and was drowning in my stomach acid.

  19. Katie says:

    Thank you for this beautiful, honest post. I have dealt with grief years. It never goes away but it helps to know others feel it too.

  20. It’s very hard to accept that a loved one is no longer with you. You just don’t get over it, you may learn to deal with it on a day to day basis, but it’s always a missing piece if you. i love that created this, very inspiring.

  21. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about all those precious people in my life that have passed on. My mom and I are best friends and we always make a point of calling each other to talk nearly every night. I cannot imagine my life without her!

  22. Elizabeth says:

    I have yet to experience true grief, and I hope it holds off for as long as possible. I’m getting older though, and so is everyone else….

  23. jessi says:

    Your affirmation cards are lovely, I remember reading the story of how they came to be and it is beautiful. Grieving is healthy, and sadly a necessary part of life. I have many who I miss that were gone too soon, including a nephew and a cousin both gone before their prime. We have to feel the grief in order to continue living, but it never completely goes away.

  24. There’s members of my family who have passed who I miss every single day and it’s so important that people know that they have someone to talk to x

  25. christine says:

    This is really sweet. Makes me think of my cousin who I miss everyday.

  26. daniella says:

    I like the idea of using grief affirmation cards to help you release the grief.

  27. Grief is a very difficult matter. I agree with you that it is a life-long process to learn to deal with it and hopefully one day rise above it.

  28. Jeanine says:

    I’ve been grieving since I was 16 and lost my mom. It was and still is really hard. Now less than it was but the older my kids get the harder it does seem to be.

  29. I feel like I’ve been grieving for the last 18 months, every since my mom was diagnosed with cancer. It has been such a roller coaster. Last week we found out her new trial is no longer working and she will be starting a new one. After 6 months of good news, I feel like we are back to square one and that our options are dwindling each time.

  30. We never get over the loss of someone so close to us. We just learn to cope with the sadness.

  31. Kita Bryant says:

    The hardest thing about grief is knowing that someday you are going to grief like never before. We pray that day never comes, but know it is inevitable.

  32. I really miss my grandma a lot. She was a redhead like me and would love the woman I’ve becoming today. I focus on remembering all the good things about her.

  33. Nikki says:

    I don’t think you ever get over losing someone you love. I lost my grandparents nearly a decade ago and I still miss them like it was yesterday. We lost my aunt to brain cancer right before Christmas last year and I can’t get out of the funk that her loss put me in. We were close my whole life. It’s amazing that you could take your grief and turn it into something positive. Very inspiring.

  34. lyd says:

    Grief is a natural part of life. You can’t just ‘get over’ it, it’s a long and hard process. I find it always help to remember the good times!

  35. Releasing grief is one of the hardest part of the process. I think these cards could really help a lot for someone who is grieving.

  36. reesa says:

    I hate grief. hate it. It comes out of no where when you are least expecting it. It comes in your dreams, in happy moments. What a beautiful product line you have created though out of the emotion!

  37. Kristi says:

    Grief is a path that is so unique… nobody walks the same path. Sure we can all agree we have experienced it in some form, but we never quite know how it will affect us.

  38. I am so sorry for your loss, and the grief that you are still coming to grips with. I can only imagine what you are going through. It is in times like these that I think of the quote, “It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.”

  39. Our Family World says:

    Those grief affirmation cards are really nice. I mean, every one of us has lost a loved one at some point in our lives and I know these cards and the guided journal will help us through the long, healing journey.

  40. Annemarie LeBlanc says:

    Grief is an emotion no one wants to go through. Sadly, it is something we cannot avoid. I think having a guided journal and affirmation cards would make the journey more bearable.

  41. Oh i love your story! I had someone in my family that has been passed 1 year ago. And the grief is still here for all of us.

  42. Heather says:

    What a wonderful way to help with grief. It’s so different for everyone and stages transition at different times. No matter how we all handle a significant loss, it’s definitely a part that will always be different.

  43. JEnny says:

    I’m so sorry for you loss. I haven’t experienced real grief yet, thankfully but I do think it’s important to let yourself feel it, like you said. I’m such a hider and avoider when it comes to emotions. I really want to learn to get more in touch with my feelings, the good and the bad.

  44. Linda Hobden says:

    My father died in February after 12 years suffering from dementia. He was always smiling but lost the ability to walk, talk, and eventually eat – although his eyes used to light up when he saw my sons with their bags of haribo sweets!! I used to visit and come away heartbroken-so my grief began then … I remember my dad when he was lively and a bit of a dare devil and the good memories keeps me going.

  45. I can imagine how you feel especially when you lose somone so dear to you.I am so sorry for your lost and thank you for sharing your story with us.

  46. I lost my grandpa to cancer when I was in the teens and I still miss him after so many years passed. Grief is not pretty and only time could heal it.

  47. Tione says:

    Sorry for your lost. I hope that you recover soon.

  48. Lynnette says:

    Yes you will never get over someone passing. Its okay to cry. I try my best to keep their memory alive by remembering all the good times.

  49. Annemarie LeBlanc says:

    I am sure your mom is so proud of what you have achieved. She is smiling down at you from heaven, and I know you feel that. Grief needs a long process of healing, but the journey is a way for us to celebrate the life of our loved ones who have passed before us. Your journal and affirmation cards are a big help during that journey of healing.

  50. Grief is definitely a process and everyone has to get through it at their own pace. It’s such a difficult part of life.

  51. Really nice post I cant imagine how hard it can be. I am really scare always thinking how difficult is going to be if a miss one my family or friend, Probably there are no words but I hope you can find a way to recover for this. All the best

  52. anvita says:

    I haven;t experienced grief as you have but that is surely one of my biggest fears. Even the thought of it makes me go crazy.

  53. yang says:

    Grief is indeed a long process.. They say time heals, but it only prepares us to cope up with the sorrowful experience … I lost my dad last year , and i always miss him. I feel i should pen it down and pour all out, just like you did. Thanks for the post..

  54. blair villanueva says:

    We didn’t have a long grief when we long our Dad. Because Dad would be sad knowing that we are sad of his passing. We continue to live our life as happy as we can, and we know he is always watching us.

  55. lauren barth says:

    Thank you for sharing and baring your heart. The journal and affirmations seem like a really good coping tool that could help a lot of hurting people.

  56. Brianne says:

    Oh this post just breaks my heart!I’ve found comfort in journaling when I am feeling sad or down about a passing loved one.

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