Have you ever felt “how could someone I have known so well and so long NOT know my heart? How could they get it so wrong?”
We’ve all been there and I’m no different. Most of us have been hurt by people dear to us who took offense when none was intended. Was discussing a situation like that recently with my gay husband. Talking about someone no longer in my life, I said that I don’t miss the relationship–or non-relationship, in this case–as much as I am bothered by the misunderstanding of who I am from someone who has known me a very long time.
He shared the following wisdom:
Long ago I stopped owning the way others interpret me. How they view me, what they see? It may have no resemblance to the reality of me as I know it and as I think they should know it, from all the evidence, my behavior. But that’s their issue, not mine.
Isn’t it true that our default position is usually “what did I do?” when really, the issue probably has more to do with them than with us? Perhaps a little reframing is called for.
I’ve noticed someone I know slowly disappear from my real and online life. She may think I don’t notice, but I do. I examined our friendship from every angle and the only conclusion I could draw is that there’s stuff going on with her and she needs to withdraw. It happens. And with that I send her on her way with love and light.
It’s human nature to care about how others see us. We want them to see our hearts, our intentions. Sometimes they can’t. And sometimes they do, but there are other reasons for their behavior. It’s not about us at all.
That might be something to consider when our tender hearts are feeling misunderstood.