So while I wait to find out why my left ear isn’t hearing like it did a week ago, I have something else to ponder.

The ENT throroughly examined all three orifices.

“Did you ever break your nose?” he asked.

“No.”

“Well, your nose was broken once and you just didn’t know it. You have a deviated septum, which affects breating from your left nostril,” he said.

“Wait a minute,” I said. “Are you saying I need a nose job?”

“I am,” he said. “Your nasal passage is blocked on your left side, and to be honest, your nose lists off a little to the right.”

Of course, how was he to know that I hate the idea of a surgery and that any time a doctor mentions “surgery” I cry. This time, I didn’t cry.

“It hasn’t been troublesome, and if it ain’t broke, why fix it?” I said.

“It IS broke,” he said. “That’s what I’m telling you.” He then proceeded to demonstrate how it was affecting my breathing.

Look, I think to myself. I’ve been breathing ok for five decades, despite this deviated septum. There was a day when I wanted a nose job. But that day was four decades ago. I have had three husbands, one of them twice, and enough boyfriends to suit any girl. I’ll never be a Housewife of Orange or any other County. But lack of rhinoplasty has not affected the quality of my life.

No.

“So,” asks M. “You gonna have anything else done while they’re doing your nose job?”

I’d be happy just to get my hearing back.

But since he mentioned it, a brow lift sounds good…