There’s nothing more difficult than to accept that some negative, nasty or difficult “feedback” we receive is not about us–not at all.
Or, for that matter, positive “feedback.”
Because it’s hardly ever about us. Negative or positive, really.
Have you ever had a back-handed compliment about an outfit?
Or a negative comment that cuts, delivered with a smile?
We all have. Maybe the person is having a bad day. Maybe they are jealous. Or controlling.
But it’s their problem, not ours.
I remember a conversation I had with someone who was attempting to control something I was doing for another grown person. It was delivered in an unhelpful way and they attempted to dress it up in a fashion that was just barely credible. Ok, it wasn’t at all credible.
First, it was not their business.
And second, there were many ways they could have handled the issue, which was theirs, that didn’t involve me. It wasn’t about me.
At first, I was incredibly upset at how they tried to make it my issue: the unfairness, the gall, the….well, fill in the blanks.
And then, I saw clearly that this had nothing to do with me. It was about them.
I know first-hand how difficult it is to let go of other people’s judgments and opinions.
But I also know that in the end? Those judgments have nothing to do with me.
My advice to myself (and you, too) is to not take this stuff seriously. Who cares if others disapprove of what we do, as long as we are ok with it? As long as we are doing all we can to be our best self, what other people think or say is irrelevant.
And a reminder that our beautiful gifts for healing and grief (or just because) are in my shop.