Why is it so hard to really “get” that it’s not about us?

September 13, 2022

not-about-usThere’s nothing more difficult than to accept that some negative, nasty or difficult “feedback” we receive is not about us–not at all.

Or, for that matter, positive “feedback.”

Because it’s hardly ever about us. Negative or positive, really.

Have you ever had a back-handed compliment about an outfit?

Or a negative comment that cuts, delivered with a smile?

We all have.  Maybe the person is having a bad day. Maybe they are jealous. Or controlling.

But it’s their problem, not ours.

I remember a conversation I had with someone who was attempting to control something I was doing for another grown person. It was delivered in an unhelpful way and they attempted to dress it up in a fashion that was just barely credible. Ok, it wasn’t at all credible.

not-about-usFirst, it was not their business.

And second, there were many ways they could have handled the issue, which was theirs, that didn’t involve me. It wasn’t about me.

At first, I was incredibly upset at how they tried to make it my issue: the unfairness, the gall, the….well, fill in the blanks.

And then, I saw clearly that this had nothing to do with me. It was about them.

I know first-hand how difficult it is to let go of other people’s judgments and opinions.

But I also know that in the end? Those judgments have nothing to do with me.

My advice to myself (and you, too) is to not take this stuff seriously. Who cares if others disapprove of what we do, as long as we are ok with it? As long as we are doing all we can to be our best self, what other people think or say is irrelevant.
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And a reminder that our beautiful gifts for healing and grief (or just because) are in my shop.

 

7 comments on “Why is it so hard to really “get” that it’s not about us?
  1. Rena L McDaniel says:

    I agree totally. I just tend to keep my head down. You never know what someone else is going through. It’s never about you.

  2. Diane says:

    I admit that I’m affected when someone judges me. I guess I just want everyone to be happy and get along and, let’s face it, that’s never going to happen! You are so right. I need to concentrate on doing MY best and not worry about others’ opinions of that!
    For myself, sitting in judgment just takes too much energy. 😉

  3. Alana says:

    I am affected when someone judges me (or I think they are judging me). Sometimes it reminds me of my teenaged years. Maybe a part of our self worth never grows up completely? In turn, do I judge others? Yes. I need to remember what Rena said.

  4. It took me a while not to worry about other people’s opinions, but now I focus on doing what’s right according to my principles and let others deal with their emotions!

  5. Estelle says:

    You are so right. Other people’s negativity is always more about them than you!

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