Thousands of women. Annual BlogHer Conference. San Jose, CA. July 24-26.
Weather: in the 90s, feels like 104.
I COULD write about the BlogHer sessions (largely useless) or about the speakers (eh). I COULD write about the BlogHer giveaways (lots) or the vendors (far, far fewer than in previous years). I COULD write about how puzzled I was that it was held in my city of San Jose, CA.
But instead, I’m going to give you the snark. Get your coffee and let’s begin.
Not Kim Kardashian’s moneymaker, but probably could be.
I was very surprised to hear that Khloe Kardashian would be making an appearance in the Expo Hall at the Hairfinity booth, a company that offers a vitamin mix you take twice daily to make your hair grow faster. If my hair grew faster my roots would show up faster, so I declined. Still, Khloe has nice hair.
Khloe is of course the sister of Kim. Kim is much admired for her ability to transform a big ass and anal sex with her boyfriend on video into a mega-million dollar family empire presided over by her fame-whore mother. I must say I was astounded that Khloe would be featured at BlogHer assuming that even young women bloggers were smart and would see this family for what they are.
Girlfriend told me the line waiting to see her was HUGE and she remarked, “Seriously, girls? What are you doing?” It fell on deaf ears. I was even more shocked when I heard that a 40-year-old woman left sobbing because she didn’t get to meet Khloe. Apparently, all it takes is celebrity. Of any kind.
I wonder if these young bloggers would aspire to have their kids reach fame this way. Maybe “how” doesn’t matter any more. Just “that.”
No, Mommy, I will NOT wait until you pin your blog post! I’m hungry NOW!
Mommy Bloggers I met at BlogHer seem to be able to raise several kids, serve as activists –for cloth diapers, home-schooling, breast-feeding, post-partum issues–while simultaneously writing for their own blog and commercial motherhood blogs, still learning every detail of back-end technology to optimize their blog while posting links on every social media outlet available, commenting on other blogs, blah blah blah. Or shall I say blaahhhg, blaahhg, blaahg. Seriously, their daily workload made my head spin.
I am certain that one day a whole lot of kids will be sitting in therapists’ offices saying, “Yeah, we mostly raised ourselves, Mom was always too busy with Twitter parties and Instagram to pay any attention to us.”
Seriously, HOW do these women do it? And more importantly, how will they afford all the therapy their kids will need?
Apparently some of the younger, newer attendees were using social media to post unflattering photos and mean comments about other women and were boasting that they had stolen from vendors. Not cool. I guess these were some of the stupid young women lined up to see the Kardashian appearance. A disappointing turn of events, to which I can only say this: GROW UP.
Mastering the Selfie
As my friends know, I’ve avoided mastering the selfie, not wanting to be another one of those post-mid-life women who changes her Facebook profile photo as often has she changes her underwear. I suspect it’s to get the extensive validation that such posts generate. No, I don’t get my validation from my selfies because they are AWFUL. Yet here we all were, taking selfies in groups and alone. So I went along. I posted one.
“Smile!” my friends said.
So I took one with a smile. Here were my thoughts:
What happened to my nose? When did it get so huge??
That double chin does NOT balance out a heart-shaped face.
Dr. Fang was right, I need Invisalign.
So I asked M. what he thought.
“Oh, I think your selfies are fine–right in style with the Vampire Diaries.”
I’m calling Dr. Fang Monday. Oh wait, his office is on summer break until Aug. 4.
I’m calendaring it. There it is: CALL DR. FANG.
Note to Invisalign: you should definitely exhibit at blog conferences.
The Sounds of Silence:
The Go Daddy booth. Empty, empty, empty. As it should be. I will say no more. Well, maybe just one more thing: Idiotic, sexist, exploitative pigs.
Guy Kawasaki. Swoon!
When did he get so old? Oh yes, I’m old now, too. Oh, I have always loved Guy Kawasaki, even back when he was an Apple Evangelist. I love him even more now that I’ve seen him in action. He’s brainy, charming and funny. Yes, I know, he’s not very tall and I like men who are bigger. But he can stand on his brains and his charm. Swoon.
Here’s another shot:
Who wouldn’t want to be Guy Kawasaki?
When I told my husband she would be keynoting at BlogHer, his response was, “Isn’t that kind of like inviting a slave trader to address the NAACP?”
For those of you not in the blogosphere, he is referring to the fact that HuffPo does not pay its contributors. I have blogged in the past about how I feel this is abusive to writers and will not repeat that except to say to my sisters who are going to respond that they get exposure and opportunities from their posts and consider that compensation: I’m happy for you.
But I thought I my husband’s line was right on the money.
She did have a few cool things to say. I’ll spare you her photo.
Kerry Washington at BlogHer 2014
Smart, charming, beautiful and soooo teeeeensy. She just had a baby, too. Oh, she is tiny. I think it would take three of her to make one normal-sized woman. Maybe four.
Her keynote was delightful. But other than her celebrity, I wasn’t sure why she was chosen. Scandal is already a hit. Then again, I thought Katie Couric and Martha were odd choices as well in prior years, but they were both pimping new ventures — book and TV. I’d hoped Kerry would talk about her activism, etc. But no. Still, as a fan of Scandal, I enjoyed her interview.
Oh, and my girlfriend believes she was wearing Invisaligns! Hey, if they’re good enough for Kerry, they’re good enough for me! I’m putting Dr. Fang on speed-dial.
Lunch on the rubber chicken circuit is rarely noteworthy, and the event planners thought they’d do something different this year. Here was lunch: A small dinner plate with about half a cup of limp lettuce, about as much as you’d feed your rabbit if you wanted her to lose some weight after she had a litter.
Two tiny tomatoes for garnish sat on the plate looking lonely, the only items of color. On the table were: a small bowl of chopped chicken, another of chopped beef, some fried tofu and sunflower seeds. We got to make our own insipid salads.
For dessert, a small dinner plate with about a dozen small pieces of cut fruit–for a table of 10 to share. I am not kidding. We all looked at each other and laughed. The intent was great; the execution fell short. Seems to be a budget crunch at BlogHer.
State Fair Fried Dough
Which is why Baskin Robbins had a very popular booth offering tastes of its ice cream. I had a mini cone of State Fair Fried Dough: cinnamon, caramel, fried dough ribbons and pieces of funnel cake. I must say it tasted just like the name and made up for the rabbity lunch. If you’re an ice cream fan, you might want to give this one a try. Very different.
When all was said and done
THIS was what it was all about for me. Meeting and hanging out with some of the most fun, talented, interesting and diverse group of women ever. Plans in progress for further fun meetups that have nothing to do with blogging and everything to do with FUN! And really, all of the other stuff aside, I had a great time with the women I knew online but met for the first time here.
Whether you were there or not, I’d love to hear what you think.