Once you lose someone

December 19, 2011

Once you lose someone,
it’s never exactly the same person
who comes back.

-Sharon Olds

After my mother died, I had dreams
(or were they thoughts?) about her.
In them, she was someone unfamiliar,
with whom I was awkward.
It was as if she were someone completely different.
Someone with whom I didn’t know how to interact.

But in the physical world, sometimes
it’s not the that the person is different,
it’s that the relationship is different.
Time, water under the bridge, our own changes–
they all impact a friendship or a relationship dynamic.

And while it’s tempting to think this is about my husband, it isn’t.
He is exactly the same as he was when we parted in 1980
and I am not kidding.
Exactly.
Not common.
But a fact.

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