Relationship success depends on….

December 21, 2011

Who teaches us the artful give and take in intimate relationships?
No one, at least not explicitly.
We learn those things from watching others, usually our parents.
And we do them, ourselves, with a greater or lesser degree of success, depending on how effective our role models are.

Our role models aren’t usually that effective. That’s why so many of us struggle with this aspect of our romantic relationships.

I read this, the other day:

Intimate negotiations involve adjustment,
integrity, truthtelling,
options, willingess and heartfull listening,


That’s a tall order.

But when I saw the list, I knew exactly why some of my relationships failed.

Sark had it right for most relationships. When they don’t work, it’s usually because one or both partners fails on one or more of the activities listed above. A relationship rises and falls on the ability –and willingness–of both partners to negotiate.

The list is a good test for any relationship, and certainly puts areas for improvement in sharp relief.

2 comments on “Relationship success depends on….
  1. Kelly says:

    yeah that is a great list. succinct. accurate. and yes, makes it very clear why my marriage failed. Although I already knew, but that is a nice check list, as it were. but instead of “check” I read through it and make the gameshow “wrong” buzzer noise. EEEHH!! EHHHH! EHHHH! LOL

  2. We have a lot to talk about over our weekend!

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