Now that I have joined the ranks of the officially “retired,” at least from full-time work, or even part-time work, for that matter, my life has changed in unexpected ways.

Instead of being pressed for time every morning, I can tend to my morning ablutions at leisure. So much more relaxed is my schedule that I have become obsessed with my morning rituals.

Such as flossing.

When I was rushing to get out the door, the obligatory floss was done quickly, if at all.

But now, I can get into the fine art of flossing. Waxed? or unwaxed? Mint-flavor or no flavor? Flat or round? Square container or circular? Metal or plastic?

I’ve refined my flossing skills such that my dentist is mightily impressed.

There’s also plenty of time to consider toothpaste.

I don’t know about you, but I was raised in a Crest household and remained loyal for many years. M., on the other hand, is a Colgate guy.

But I was overdue for a change. I decided to step out of the Crest camp and try Aquafresh Iso-Active Whitening Fresh Impact Foaming Gel. Just for kicks. To live it up a little.

Well, whoa, Nelly! I can tell you for certain that the product completely lives up to its name. That thing foamed so much the first time I used it that I practically gagged. Now, I’m careful not to dispense quite as much gel.

And fresh? Sugar, I can feel those iso-active ingredients like little scrubbing bubbles in my mouth. As M, says, it opened a can of industrial-strength whoop-ass on my teeth.

I love retirement.

Stay tuned for other fun side effects of a life of leisure.