Yesterday at lunch the subject of yesterday’s blog post came up and I thought I would clarify just two concepts from Oriah’s quote:

One is the idea of setting and keeping boundaries.
Every healthy relationship has clear boundaries–or should have them. The things that are not negotiable. Deal-breakers, if you will. For some it might be infidelity. Others might consider substance abuse a boundary. Emotional abuse. Physical abuse. You can list them as well as I can.

And sometimes, to maintain those healthy boundaries, we must end a relationship.

And after we have shown each other how we have set & kept all the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.
-Oriah, The Dance

The second concept is that of still silently loving those we once loved out loud.

The two concepts might seem mutually exclusive, but they aren’t. We may have to say goodbye to our friend, lover, spouse. That’s keeping our healthy boundaries.

But we can still silently love them for all they were to us when times were good.

It doesn’t have to mean we’re best friends with them.
It just means we honor all they were to us.

There are many ways to relate to people in our lives:

A friend recently observed: “You give people a lot of leeway.”

That wasn’t always true.

A very long time ago, Werner Erhard taught
“once you’ve said everything there is to say to another, the only thing left to say is I love you.“

I’ve found that to be true and I’ve tried to live that way.
It took many relationships for me to learn to forgive and accept (and love) people for exactly who they are, not my projection or fantasy of what I think they should be.

{I can do it with lovers but I still fall short with some of my family members.}

♥♥♥♥♥

There’s a total body climbing machine in my trainer’s gym, called Jacob’s Ladder.
It works on your body’s momentum.
Basically, you climb it.
The higher and faster you climb, the faster it goes.
{It’s killer cardio and I’m addicted to it.}

I think this relationship stuff is like that. You’re never really done
working on it and (hopefully) evolving. At least I’m not.
I take a step and there’s another, harder one ready for me.

I’m a work in progress, and that’s true of everyone.
But I do love the phrase silently loving those we once loved out loud.

I want to think enough of myself and my choices to
honor all that was good in my relationships, even those that have changed.