My hair isn’t grey, at least it’s not supposed to be, given my monthly investment at the salon.
I’m usually pretty active
But there I was, pushing a metal shopping cart around Walgreen’s on Seniors Day, the first Tuesday of the month.
I AM a Senior Citizen by most counts. And that triggered Seniors Day thoughts.
As I perused the aisles an image from my past came up. It was, maybe, 1998. I was in my hometown of Rochester, NY at a drugstore with my mother. She was pushing her cart just like I was pushing mine, scanning for what she needed and hoping for an unexpected bargain. It was early evening and chilly outside. She leaned on the cart to support herself a little because her sciatica was acting up. A hat covered her thinning red hair. She wore her usual comfy clodhoppers, the replacement for the stilettos she’d worn as a stylish young woman. I could see the look on her face, hear the cigarette-rasp in her voice. The scene was so vivid I could put myself back in it instantly.
Of all the memories I could have about my mother, this is one of the ones that stuck. I have no idea why. Maybe because going to the drugstore together was so commonplace. Because I lived thousands of miles away we rarely shared mundane moments.
Earlier that day–the one that found me in the drug store alone– I’d seen an Antiques Road Show look-back episode set in 1998 in my hometown. As I looked at Rochesterians clutching their antiques, I thought, “When this show was taped, my mother was alive. It was her last relatively healthy year.” I wondered how many of those who appeared on the show were still living all these years later.
That day in the drugstore with my mother wasn’t anything special. There was no reason to think I’d remember it 16 years later. But watching that TV program from my mother’s last year alive called up that mundane moment in time. That’s the thing about video: it freeze frames moments in time and allows us to view them from a new perspective. When I lived that moment I was watching on video, my mother was alive and vibrant. Her vibe was youthful and I guess I always thought she’d be that way. It never occurred to me that she would die in her early 70s, even though I had every reason to believe her lifestyle would kill her young.
Mom and me in Pacifica, CA, circa 1996
My mother touched many lives in a positive way, although she was far from perfect. In that way, we’re alike: flawed human beings who do their best to reach out with kindness. This didn’t always work out for her, just as it hasn’t always worked out for me.
Still, I like the ways I’m like her, even the ways that aren’t all that positive, simply because being like her reminds me that mothers have a legacy. Even if they don’t know what it is. Or intend some of it.
Today, my mother would have been 89 years old. I can’t fathom that–89. For sure she would have been in a nursing home, something else I can’t fathom. To see my mother’s big personality tamped down in an institution might well have killed me. Almost, anyway.
So, Mom, happy birthday. I like to think you drop in on us from time to time to see how we’re doing, now that you’ve gotten your way and we’re back together. I hope you know how often and lovingly that your grandson, daughter-in-law, your once and current son-in-law and I talk about you. How big an impact you had on our lives.
And also, how much we miss you.
I wonder what you’re up to out there in the afterlife. Because I know you’re up to something.
And I hope you’ll continue to drop by and make your presence known.
So I wonder, do you have your own Seniors Day thoughts when you see a sign like that?
I know your mom is always with you, Carol. Posts like this bring her to us now, too. How wonderful to have such a wonderful woman be your mother, two imperfect people in an imperfect world doing marvelous things to be kind to others. She was/is proud of you.
I enjoyed reading this. My mom is still with us, and lives with us. She is a young 74 but it made me sad to think of a day – hopefully not too soon – when she won’t be here. And it made me think about growing old myself. Very thoughtful piece.
Aww, Cheri! Thanks….and you know I love seeing your own posts with your mom’s photo. You look just like her. I know she was as amazing as you are and that you are passing her legacy to Amanda with your own.
What a lovely memory and a lovely tribute to your mother. I know she’s proud of you!
I think of my dad, and his mother, Grandma Iney. I wasn’t that close to my dad, but he had a gentle presence that I miss. The loss of dear Grandma Iney is incalculable. Today I will think of the many sweet moments we spent together throughout the 43 years we shared on this planet. I feel her nearby often, but still, I miss her every day.
I’m sure Mom is smiling up there right now. She knows that her work is done…she raised a thoughtful, imperfect but kind daughter. What better legacy to leave the world?
Speaking of looking like someone– take another peek at the photo you shared. You are her made over.
Nice thoughts on Mom’s birthday.
I love the ordinary moments, and love that’s what shows up for you. It’s weird how we’re always trying to make stuff so damn special, when it’s the ordinary that we remember (and are remembered for). Lovely post.
It’s amazing how it’s the little moments that end up being the most important. Happy birthday to your mom who would be proud to see the smart, compassionate, talented daughter she raised.
Thank you for sharing your memory of your mother with us. Just like your mother, you touch so many lives in a positive way, whether through this forum or a meeting in person. I’m sure she is very proud of her masterpiece, you!
Hi Carol! What a lovely tribute to your mom. She sounds like she was an interesting and lively woman–just like you. I know you’ve read and studied about the ideas of life-after-life so I don’t doubt she is still checking in with you on some level. And I agree that your mom is probably up to something as equally interesting no matter where she is! Definitely a new way to think o f senior moments right?
I do often. I try to picture my father, who died at 46 he would 76 today and I can’t wrap my mind around that he will be forever young. I wonder how i will be when I reach my 70’s will I still be chugging along or will be wrapped in an Alzheimer’s nightmare. I wonder sometimes and sometmes I worry but I have had a very happy life no matter what and have been richly blessed so I won’t complain.
“…flawed human beings who do their best to reach out with kindness” are the best any of us can hope to be. Your poignant tribute to your mom touched my heart, made me consider my own mother who is still living. I think I need to give her a call.
Just looking at that awesome picture I can tell your mother must have been fun. I love that she had red hair!
This is a lovely birthday tribute to your Mother.
It made me teary thinking about losing my Dad this past winter in his early 70’s.
My mother is still alive and our relationship is frequently difficult. So I wonder what memories I’ll have of her, especially on significant days like her birthday. Interesting that you called up the mundane. That’s often what I call up when I think about my childhood.
This moved me in so many ways. I still have my Mom, for which I am most grateful… Your words did prompt me to take a visit down Memory Lane, to visit times and places I have not thought of in ages. I appreciate that, Carol.
Happy Birthday mom! The people who love us never really leave us, do they? I mean, they are in our thoughts, hearts and memories. Always. Thanks for sharing, sweet Carol, this loving memory. <3
There’s not a day that goes by that i don’t think of my father who died at the age of 67, 7 years ago. And you’re right – it’s the little moments that stay with us and really touch our hearts.
Here you’ll find my blog, some of my essays, published writing, and my solo performances. There’s also a link to my Etsy shop for healing and grief tools offered through A Healing Spirit.
I love comments, so if something resonates with you in any way, don’t hesitate to leave a comment on my blog. Thank you for stopping by–oh, and why not subscribe so you don’t miss a single post?
I know your mom is always with you, Carol. Posts like this bring her to us now, too. How wonderful to have such a wonderful woman be your mother, two imperfect people in an imperfect world doing marvelous things to be kind to others. She was/is proud of you.
Loved this post.
Cathy, you made my morning so special with this comment, thank you!
Very touching!
😉 thank you!
Carol,
I enjoyed reading this. My mom is still with us, and lives with us. She is a young 74 but it made me sad to think of a day – hopefully not too soon – when she won’t be here. And it made me think about growing old myself. Very thoughtful piece.
Enjoy every moment with her, such a gift!
Thank you for sharing such moving thoughts on your mother’s birthday! I’m a bit teary now!
Aww, Cheri! Thanks….and you know I love seeing your own posts with your mom’s photo. You look just like her. I know she was as amazing as you are and that you are passing her legacy to Amanda with your own.
What a lovely memory and a lovely tribute to your mother. I know she’s proud of you!
I think of my dad, and his mother, Grandma Iney. I wasn’t that close to my dad, but he had a gentle presence that I miss. The loss of dear Grandma Iney is incalculable. Today I will think of the many sweet moments we spent together throughout the 43 years we shared on this planet. I feel her nearby often, but still, I miss her every day.
There’s beauty in the missing, in a way.
I’m sure Mom is smiling up there right now. She knows that her work is done…she raised a thoughtful, imperfect but kind daughter. What better legacy to leave the world?
Speaking of looking like someone– take another peek at the photo you shared. You are her made over.
Nice thoughts on Mom’s birthday.
Ya think? Thanks!
This is such touching tribute! Your mother sounds like a wonderful person.
We both thank you!
I love the ordinary moments, and love that’s what shows up for you. It’s weird how we’re always trying to make stuff so damn special, when it’s the ordinary that we remember (and are remembered for). Lovely post.
Boy is that true. Just like your photos.
It’s amazing how it’s the little moments that end up being the most important. Happy birthday to your mom who would be proud to see the smart, compassionate, talented daughter she raised.
Your sweet comment has made my day. My mom thanks you! and so do I.
Thank you for sharing your memory of your mother with us. Just like your mother, you touch so many lives in a positive way, whether through this forum or a meeting in person. I’m sure she is very proud of her masterpiece, you!
Oh, Mary, thank you.
My mom has been gone since I was 18 — my memories are just as vivid as ever. They never fade. Thank you for this
Hi Carol! What a lovely tribute to your mom. She sounds like she was an interesting and lively woman–just like you. I know you’ve read and studied about the ideas of life-after-life so I don’t doubt she is still checking in with you on some level. And I agree that your mom is probably up to something as equally interesting no matter where she is! Definitely a new way to think o f senior moments right?
I do often. I try to picture my father, who died at 46 he would 76 today and I can’t wrap my mind around that he will be forever young. I wonder how i will be when I reach my 70’s will I still be chugging along or will be wrapped in an Alzheimer’s nightmare. I wonder sometimes and sometmes I worry but I have had a very happy life no matter what and have been richly blessed so I won’t complain.
“…flawed human beings who do their best to reach out with kindness” are the best any of us can hope to be. Your poignant tribute to your mom touched my heart, made me consider my own mother who is still living. I think I need to give her a call.
Just looking at that awesome picture I can tell your mother must have been fun. I love that she had red hair!
This is a lovely birthday tribute to your Mother.
It made me teary thinking about losing my Dad this past winter in his early 70’s.
What a beautiful tribute to your mom on her birthday. You know that she is on the other side, still keeping a watchful mothering eye on you!
My mother is still alive and our relationship is frequently difficult. So I wonder what memories I’ll have of her, especially on significant days like her birthday. Interesting that you called up the mundane. That’s often what I call up when I think about my childhood.
This moved me in so many ways. I still have my Mom, for which I am most grateful… Your words did prompt me to take a visit down Memory Lane, to visit times and places I have not thought of in ages. I appreciate that, Carol.
Beautiful thoughts! You are not a senior. When I think of Senior I think of my Grandmother.
Happy Birthday mom! The people who love us never really leave us, do they? I mean, they are in our thoughts, hearts and memories. Always. Thanks for sharing, sweet Carol, this loving memory. <3
There’s not a day that goes by that i don’t think of my father who died at the age of 67, 7 years ago. And you’re right – it’s the little moments that stay with us and really touch our hearts.