Setting limits

June 3, 2011
Avoid toxic people.
Leave them to God.
You can’t fly when someone is holding
your feet to the ground.
Yes, these shoes have this saying by philosopher Tom V. Morris on them.

Here’s the hard truth: From time to time, we will all encounter
someone who does not have our best interests at heart.

This is not something we can control,
hard as we might try.

Sometimes, we have to accept this as the way it is.

Oh, you can try to talk with them. You can soul-search to determine
if there’s anything to apologize for. You can obsess.

None of this will be satisfying.

I know, because it’s happened to me.

We Sicilians have a long tradition of using
the vendetta in these situations.
The blood feud.
It’s something I abhor.

I want to have a dialogue.
Confront it. Handle it. Take care of it.
And move on.

I am, after all, a communicator.
I have two degrees in it, for criminy’s sake.
It was my career. And still is, in a way.

But all the skill and training in the world
can’t change the way people are.

Sometimes, it is enough to accept that
they are the way they are and wish them well.

Along with that goes setting healthy limits for ourselves.
And karma usually takes care of things.

Once, I had a toxic employer.
I wish that person well. At the same time, when asked for
a business referral I will always refer that business
to another qualified professional.
One who is by nature a loving and supportive individual.


I’m sad to say that I also have several family members who
fall in that category. Interaction with them is like
pulling a scab off a wound before it has healed.

I’ve spent way too much time in
my life trying to change this.
I don’t do that any more.

I wish them well.
And I no longer have contact with them.

Somewhere along the way, we learned that everyone should support each other.
Everyone should get along.
That people should be able to have a dialogue.
To work things out.

I remember a long time ago a therapist insisting I needed to have
a dialogue with my father. If you happen to have known my
father, you know that a dialogue would have been impossible.
It would have ended badly.
Like all the other times I attempted it.
My father was very old-school and very narrow.
The concept of give and take was foreign to him.

I didn’t cease contact with him, but
I did limit it.

My point is that
Is a myth.


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