The one measure of a friendship

August 15, 2017

Safe shelter. That’s all any of us are looking for in another. Being seen. I mean, really being seen.

It’s the beauty of our relationship with our pets, isn’t it? Because they have no judgment. Nothing gets in the way of our pets seeing us at our core. Knowing us. Knowing exactly who we are.

Riley always sees me and it’s always shelter to speak to him because he loves me unconditionally.

There are a handful of people in my who are my safe havens. My shelters. The people with whom I can share my deepest and sometimes unflattering self.

And then there are those who have not safeguarded my confidences … or my heart.

There are many ways to evaluate the value of a friendship, but when I read this, I knew it was THE one. The one measure by which I could weigh a friendship’s value.

Thank you to my most treasured friends, the ones who give me shelter from any storm. Over and over again. And for whom, I hope, I provide the same.

And I bless and send on their way those friends who have not safeguarded my heart.

I’d love your thoughts below.

My business, A Healing Spirit, offers all sorts of supportive, loving products and services. I hope you’ll come see.


43 comments on “The one measure of a friendship
  1. I absolutely love this post. I’m a life coach and one of my specialties is friendship. Friendship is so important to our well-being. I’ve even read that friendships can be just as important if not more important to well-being than other relationships. I love, love, love deep friendships. I don’t have many, but the ones I do have are precious to me. I cannot stand fake friends, backstabbers. But there are all sorts of friends. They don’t have to be super close, but they do have to have something in common with me: a hobby, a hometown, values, etc. I’m glad you have deep friendships. I’m appreciating mine and not so interested in making lots of friends anymore. Everyone is different and we need to honor that difference. Do what feels right for us. Surround ourselves with the people who make us feel the most alive, comfortable, even challenged in a good way. Have a beautiful day.

  2. Donna says:

    I have appreciated you so much helping me with my business, specifically my October event. The mantra is repeated at every weekly meeting “everything should speak of the business” it has made planning and coming up with ideas so much easier. To me friendship is sharing talents, being there when things are out of our control….filling in our empty spots…making us laugh and understanding us when sometimes we don’t even understand.I have often told people I am their safe place to fall which is just another way to say what you have said. Have the best day…..

  3. Hi Carol! You really MUST see the new film “A Beautiful Fantastic” soon! Your lovely posts remind me of it. Near the end, the elderly gentleman played by Tom Wilkinson says to the marvelous Bella: “You helped me remember the good things.” That’s one aspect of friendship I enjoy these days…Love making new friends and my new world of rural Colorado!

  4. Klaudia says:

    Real true friends and real true friendships – seems to be getting ‘out of fashion’. People abuse the term friend far too quick and often. Today you just ‘click a button’ to have a new friend. How blessed are those who still have one or two real friendsnowadays. It always makes me wonder when people are proud of having dozens of friends. Social media is not helping values, tho.

  5. True friends are hard to find, it is funny you have that beautiful picture of the dogs because they can be such loyal companions.I have only a few people who I know I can always trust and are there for me whatever.

  6. Having close friends, even if there are only a handful make all the difference.

  7. Laurie Stone says:

    Yes, God bless those good friends out there. They make our lives better and hopefully, we do the same for them!

  8. Rena says:

    I sure hope I’m in the first group!

  9. A good friendship is one that is a safe place in any storm. Good friendships make the worst times more bearable and the best times even better.

  10. I have a few very close friends, but other than that, my dogs are my besties. They’re the only ones you can trust!

  11. I can relate my husband is my shelter he is the one that provides me a secure and loving environment for me to be happier. However is all about me and my thoughts making me be happy and feel safe. Mind and thoughts are a powerful thing.

  12. Pam says:

    This is very kind and very true! There are not too many people in this world that will love you unconditionally and when you do find them, it’s best to hold onto them!

  13. Robin herman says:

    Having survived two health scares, I now have distilled what I want to do with my time. I told my shrink I try to do some thing each day to make it “worthy.” And for example what might that be, she said.
    I replied – seeing my friends, making my art. That makes the day great.
    As for what makes a good friend- loyalty, trust and joy for life. I do like what a commenter said above: Surround ourselves with the people who make us feel the most alive, comfortable, even challenged in a good way.

  14. Pam Wattenbarger says:

    It’s so true that having a few friends who are safe shelters are so important. I have some who love me unconditionally and I am so thankful for them.

  15. I have 4 true amazing friends, I’ve meant them at various points in my life, they came into my life when I needed them most. I am lucky I can call them all my friends and they’ve been by me in plenty of walks of life proving they’re always there. This post is amazing.

  16. Theresa says:

    I don’t have many deep friendships, but the ones that I do have I treasure with all of my heart. It’s important to have friends who will help you weather any storm and celebrate all life’s joys with.

  17. Stephanie says:

    This is so true! My best friend has been there for me since we were days old. Now almost 30 years later she is still my best friend. She’s been with me through awkward middle school years, everything about high school, first boyfriends, first heartaches, she was in my wedding, knows my children. She is one of the constants in my life and I am so thankful for that. Of course, my husband is also a safe-shelter for me as well, but that kind of comes with the territory!

  18. Sarah says:

    I’ve always been a believer quality of friendships is more important than quantity. Knowing who I can be completely open with, and who won’t share my confidences, is comforting.

  19. The Wanderer says:

    Loved your post. Although I don’t have pets yet, but I feel you, pets feel our love, affection and even sadness in a way noone else can.

  20. Mayuri says:

    In the age of social-media, sometimes it becomes difficult to find real friends.I am blessed to have friends from my childhood, even if we don’t talk daily we know they are there when going gets tough. We all need safe havens in our life…great post!

  21. Cynthia says:

    Having good friends is a blessing, including pet friends. I live very far from my family and my husband and my cat are my shelters. I can not feel safer than when I’m with them!

  22. sonali jain says:

    What a beautiful post, i really liked the subject though. True friendship is really hard to find , so never take it for granted 🙂

  23. This is beautifully written. True friendship is rare to find, but it is one of life’s greatest blessings. Pets are also a gift and love unconditionally : )

  24. This is such a great post! Our pets love us unconditionally! They never judge and they are always there for us.

  25. Diane says:

    You’re my go-to whenever I’m feeling a little down. Thank you for being YOU!

  26. Deanna says:

    What a beautiful post! True friendship is rare, trust me I know all about it. I found out who is my true friends and who wasn’t when I was in need. Great post!

  27. Jeanine says:

    I agree about our pets. I’d much rather hang out with my pets than any of my friends. no judgement and explanations needed, they love ya anyway! All my best friends from 20+ years are 3 hours away so I stick to myself.

  28. I truly value the few close friendships I have. They have been life-changing and continue to be that way.

  29. This truly spoke to me. It’s been a while since I’ve really paid attention to what little friendships I have or had.

  30. Sheena Tatum says:

    I definitely feel shelter with the friendships I have. I am truly blessed to be so close to those certain individuals.

  31. Audrey Marie says:

    Real and true friendships can’t be compared to anything else; they’re truly a blessing! Your last sentence reminded me of the quote, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”

  32. maria says:

    Friendship is truly important! I feel like as we get older your friend circle gets a little bit more tighter and that truly helps you appreciate the friendships that you do have. It forces you to make sure you continue to cultivate them. friendship Is truly something very special.

  33. It is absolutely wonderful to have trusted friends you can go to, count on, share with, and be there for you. I’ve had such bad luck with female friends that I mostly have family members in my circle.

  34. Elena says:

    Having good friends is a blessing. I think that not many people understand that you do not need a lot of friends, you need couple of true friends and that is enough.

  35. This was such a meaningful and important post. I was just talking to someone about how important friendship is in our lives.

  36. Our Family World says:

    Most of my best friend moved away when they got married. Right now, I have a few, but the bond of friendship is not that deep. I would consider my cousin to be my bestest friend because she is always right there when I need someone to talk to. It is true that your cousin is your very first best friend.

  37. Myrah Duque says:

    Love this post. Honest friends are not easy to find. Those that we have, we treat them like gold.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Follow Carol


Here you’ll find my blog, some of my essays, published writing, and my solo performances. There’s also a link to my Etsy shop for healing and grief tools offered through A Healing Spirit.


I love comments, so if something resonates with you in any way, don’t hesitate to leave a comment on my blog. Thank you for stopping by–oh, and why not subscribe so you don’t miss a single post?


Subscribe to my Blog

Receive notifications of my new blog posts directly to your email.