I would bear it all broken just to fill my cup. ~ The Decemberists
Fairy tales talk about Prince Charming and happily ever after and yes it’s true: meeting our soulmate is the pinnacle of life for many of us. Sometimes, though, happily ever after for us and our soulmate isn’t in the cards.
So, if you think you’ve found that person and it didn’t work out, does that mean he or she isn’t your soulmate? That you’re not meant to last forever?
Not at all. Here’s another way to look at it:
It just wasn’t mean to last forever in this lifetime.
But it does mean forever in a different sense.
Sometimes it all works out beautifully. But other times, our soul mate is our polar opposite in personality, temperament and life goals. Have you had that oh-so-frustrating imperfectly fitting relationship? Where nothing seems to go right?
How many of us have wailed, “Why isn’t our soulmate just like us? Why are they so different?”
Why DO opposites attract?
Well, maybe to provide balance, to give us things we do not already possess. And to teach us.
As author Lisa Williams writes of meeting your soulmate,
“This can be a fulfilling, but also rocky path, requiring you to overcome many obstacles that cause conflicts and disruptions….Our struggles stem from the lessons we must learn.”
Does this ring a bell? It’s all about the lessons and whether we’re ready to learn them in this lifetime. It’s smart to learn now, because if we don’t, we’ll be trying to work them out yet again in a new incarnation. (Yes, that’s what I truly do believe)
Seriously: this possibility –of having to re-do lessons I should have learned in this lifetime, of being “held back,” so to speak— has done more to help me focus on working through conflicts in my life than anything else. Because I do NOT want to do that part of it again!
So, if you’ve bought the happy-ever-after fairy tale about soulmates and are bemoaning the loss of yours, think of it differently. You may have to say goodbye to your soulmate in this incarnation as you both move into particular phases of your life to learn unrelated lessons.
Understanding this part of it –that bearing it all broken can fill your cup, as the Decemberists sing–makes it easier to accept.
Here’s what author Elizabeth Gilbert says, and I think she’s got it right:
The question is, are you up for it?
Not everyone can bear the mirror. But that’s how we grow.
And, oh, don’t worry. You’ll see your soulmate again, even if you’ve said goodbye in this life.
There’s more coming.
Here’s a video of the Decemberists:
Lyrics: Down by the Water
See this ancient riverbed, see where all my folly’s led
Down by the water and down by the old main drag
I was just some tow-head teen, feeling ’round for fingers to get in between
Down by the water and down by the old main drag
The season rubs me wrong, the summer swells anon
So knock me down, tear me up
But I would bear it all broken just to fill my cup
Down by the water and down by the old main drag
Sweet descend this rabble ’round the pretty little patter of a seaport town
Rolling in the water and rolling down the old main drag
All dolled up in gabardine, the lash-flashing Leda of pier nineteen
Queen of the water and queen of the old main drag
The season rubs me wrong, the summer swells anon
So knock me down, tear me up
But I would bear it all broken just to fill my cup
Down by the water and down by the old main drag
The season rubs me wrong, the summer swells anon
So knock me down, tear me up
But I would bear it all broken just to fill my cup
Down by the water and down by the old main drag
Reading this gave me an “ah-hah moment”.
For many years I’ve felt strongly that I must still had lessons to learn so changed my attitude toward the difficult times that came at me. I finally developed the attitude that such “opportunities” kept coming at me with increased frequency because I was now receptive to getting it right and evolving as a person.
The love of my life (from many years ago) originally felt like my soulmate but the time I spent married to him turned into an emotional hell. It felt as if I made a huge error in believing he was my soulmate Instead of recognizing what I needed to learn and then following through with the gained knowledge I floundered and spent my time waiting for it to end. He was flawed in his own ways and had his own lessons to learn. We each blew off the opportunities presented to us by the Universe. That was then.
What is different now?
Lots of positive changes have been made by me.
Necessary lessons have been learned and taken into my heart.
My personal evolution is wondrous!
The real benefit of this post of yours – in my case – is that I now can feel better about those years of suffering. (yes, suffer is barely strong enough a word)
Perhaps he WAS my true soulmate…one I will meet with again when both of us are ready.
If he was NOT my true soulmate, at least the time with him was not such a waste of years after all.
I am mostly an upbeat and positive thinking person these days. When I do experience doubts about my personal growth and progress, I bounce right back quickly. From today forward, however, there will probably be snappier elastic in my bounce.
Beautiful article. You definitely have to be in the right place before accepting love into your life. So many people believe that it is the answer to everything. But it’s only when we love ourselves that we can fully love others.
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Reading this gave me an “ah-hah moment”.
For many years I’ve felt strongly that I must still had lessons to learn so changed my attitude toward the difficult times that came at me. I finally developed the attitude that such “opportunities” kept coming at me with increased frequency because I was now receptive to getting it right and evolving as a person.
The love of my life (from many years ago) originally felt like my soulmate but the time I spent married to him turned into an emotional hell. It felt as if I made a huge error in believing he was my soulmate Instead of recognizing what I needed to learn and then following through with the gained knowledge I floundered and spent my time waiting for it to end. He was flawed in his own ways and had his own lessons to learn. We each blew off the opportunities presented to us by the Universe. That was then.
What is different now?
Lots of positive changes have been made by me.
Necessary lessons have been learned and taken into my heart.
My personal evolution is wondrous!
The real benefit of this post of yours – in my case – is that I now can feel better about those years of suffering. (yes, suffer is barely strong enough a word)
Perhaps he WAS my true soulmate…one I will meet with again when both of us are ready.
If he was NOT my true soulmate, at least the time with him was not such a waste of years after all.
I am mostly an upbeat and positive thinking person these days. When I do experience doubts about my personal growth and progress, I bounce right back quickly. From today forward, however, there will probably be snappier elastic in my bounce.
Thanks!
I had a similar “aha” moment. Framing it this way makes more sense than not, at least to me. And, I can see, to you.
Beautiful article. You definitely have to be in the right place before accepting love into your life. So many people believe that it is the answer to everything. But it’s only when we love ourselves that we can fully love others.
Thanks for sharing 🙂