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I have some friends that I wish would grasp this idea.
It took me a long time to understand that I had to be happy with myself before I could ever be happy with someone else.
It’s very hard for some. Yet it’s very necessary.
As we say in the 12 steps, ” Keep the focus on yourself”. Thanks, Carol,
I hadn’t heard that one, but yes!
You are right on Carol!
Thanks, Nancy!
Your last line says it all — you must be complete without a man in order to be complete with one
Carol @ Battered Hope
It’s simple. But maybe not so much as it should be.
I agree completely. I am in a relationship….but I love my solitude. Sometimes I feel that creates issues in itself. But I do believe the relationship we have with ourselves is one of the most sacred of all.
You and I share that need for solitude.
I can’t even begin to tell you how much I agree with this. Thanks for telling it like it is!
We’ve all been there….
A universal truth, brilliantly articulated by a very wise woman. Thank you Carol, this is a very timely and directly linked to my growth at this moment. Yeah for empowerment, down with dependance.
xoxo Beth
I can see we’ll be having some really great discussions in the car next week!!! Can’t wait to see you, Beth.
So very true. Well said.
Thanks, Linda!
People should not confuse being happy in a relationship with being dependent on it. That last line clarifies things nicely – feeling complete inside and outside of that relationship.
That’s when you have the most to offer someone. And yourself!
Your post brought to mind the wonderful poem written by the late e.e.cummings:
(once like a spark)
if strangers meet
life begins-
not poor not rich
(only aware)
kind neither
nor cruel
(only complete)
i not not you
not possible;
only truthful
-truthfully,once
if strangers(who
deep our most are
selves)touch:
forever
(and so to dark)
Lovely.
Oh, I love this! Sent it to my daughter. I love that last line. Wonderful!
I’d love to know her response!
From day one, my husband knew my need for solitude was as important as my need for my family. I have been fortunate to have been able to be true to who I am, even though I was financially dependent on him as a stay-at-home mom.
Sounds like a good match to me!
This is such great advice! I have been happily married for 23 years but the most important thing to me is knowing if I had to I could very well survive on my own. I went into my first marriage straight from my parents home and stayed in an abusive relationship far longer than I should have because I felt like I just couldn’t make it on my own. When I finally left and did make it on my own just fine with my son it made me into a more confident person who was able to accept love but not be dependent on it. I think that is why my marriage has worked so well the second time. I know who I am, what I will and will not accept. I don’t need anyone to “empower” me I can do it on my own!
Powerful testimony, Rena!
Rena makes a great point and distinction – she grew to be a person who was able to accept love, but not be dependent on it. That’s huge, and for many the most difficult thing. Great post, Carol.
Thanks, Kelly. I love this conversation and how each of you reinforces for readers the importance of standing on your own.
I absolutely agree! You have to be 100% YOU before you can become an US. Great post. Woman empowerment is important.
I agree but had to learn this. You must love and know yourself before you can even begin to have another love you. Excellent post. Thank you for sharing