Stand in your solitude. At least for five minutes.

April 28, 2014

Empower blog

To my darling and beloved sisters who think they need a man to become empowered, I just want to say this:

You can empower yourself.

And you SHOULD empower yourself.

Because anything else is not empowerment at all.  It is dependence.

I know it is hard to be alone after so many years of being “together.”

There is work involved. Work that you must do to become whole in and of yourself.

So let’s talk about “empowerment.”

If you are not pushing the cart yourself, you are not empowered.

If you are not whole without a man by your side, you are not empowered.

If you can not stand in your solitude and be ok with it it, you are not empowered.

That’s not to say that you must or even will be alone forever. That you won’t one day want and receive help pushing.

And it’s not to say that you can’t become empowered.

It’s just that you must not delude yourself that anyone but you can empower yourself.

Once you’ve done that, the sky’s the limit.

But until then?


You must be complete without a man before you can be complete with one.

30 comments on “Stand in your solitude. At least for five minutes.
  1. Doreen McGettigan says:

    I have some friends that I wish would grasp this idea.
    It took me a long time to understand that I had to be happy with myself before I could ever be happy with someone else.

  2. Ryder Ziebarth says:

    As we say in the 12 steps, ” Keep the focus on yourself”. Thanks, Carol,

  3. Carol Graham says:

    Your last line says it all — you must be complete without a man in order to be complete with one

    Carol @ Battered Hope

  4. Lisa Froman says:

    I agree completely. I am in a relationship….but I love my solitude. Sometimes I feel that creates issues in itself. But I do believe the relationship we have with ourselves is one of the most sacred of all.

  5. Karen says:

    I can’t even begin to tell you how much I agree with this. Thanks for telling it like it is!

  6. beth egan says:

    A universal truth, brilliantly articulated by a very wise woman. Thank you Carol, this is a very timely and directly linked to my growth at this moment. Yeah for empowerment, down with dependance.
    xoxo Beth

    • admin says:

      I can see we’ll be having some really great discussions in the car next week!!! Can’t wait to see you, Beth.

  7. Linda Roy says:

    So very true. Well said.

  8. People should not confuse being happy in a relationship with being dependent on it. That last line clarifies things nicely – feeling complete inside and outside of that relationship.

  9. Your post brought to mind the wonderful poem written by the late e.e.cummings:
    (once like a spark)

    if strangers meet
    life begins-
    not poor not rich
    (only aware)
    kind neither
    nor cruel
    (only complete)
    i not not you
    not possible;
    only truthful
    if strangers(who
    deep our most are

    (and so to dark)

  10. Diane says:

    Oh, I love this! Sent it to my daughter. I love that last line. Wonderful!

  11. From day one, my husband knew my need for solitude was as important as my need for my family. I have been fortunate to have been able to be true to who I am, even though I was financially dependent on him as a stay-at-home mom.

  12. This is such great advice! I have been happily married for 23 years but the most important thing to me is knowing if I had to I could very well survive on my own. I went into my first marriage straight from my parents home and stayed in an abusive relationship far longer than I should have because I felt like I just couldn’t make it on my own. When I finally left and did make it on my own just fine with my son it made me into a more confident person who was able to accept love but not be dependent on it. I think that is why my marriage has worked so well the second time. I know who I am, what I will and will not accept. I don’t need anyone to “empower” me I can do it on my own!

  13. Kelly Byrne says:

    Rena makes a great point and distinction – she grew to be a person who was able to accept love, but not be dependent on it. That’s huge, and for many the most difficult thing. Great post, Carol.

    • admin says:

      Thanks, Kelly. I love this conversation and how each of you reinforces for readers the importance of standing on your own.

  14. Madame Dream says:

    I absolutely agree! You have to be 100% YOU before you can become an US. Great post. Woman empowerment is important.

  15. Kathy says:

    I agree but had to learn this. You must love and know yourself before you can even begin to have another love you. Excellent post. Thank you for sharing

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