All this talk about vajazzling got me wondering. Is there an equivalent for the penis?

I did some research and couldn’t find anything on penazzling. But I did find something called “elegant penis jewelry.” My first find is shown at left. It’s a scrotum shield, in gold. Actually, it’s a “lion scrotum shield.”

I’m not exactly sure how it works, or what the scrotum needs to be shielded from. The lion is a fairly masculine symbol. Still, I assure you that if a man ever undressed and displayed a scrotum shield, I wouldn’t know whether to salute him or call 911.

This “gullwing penis chain” is also a mystery. First, I’m not exactly sure why a man would decorate his penis. But even if he did, under what circumstances would a gullwing hanging from his penis be considered attractive?

And then, am I seeing this clearly? Is it actually a silver penis with gull’s wings? That a man would hang off of his own penis? So his penis would be decorated with a flying penis? and then, is there a weight hanging from the tip? (Is it meant to, perhaps, lengthen? I mean, you’d have to be pretty short for that to be an appealing concept to a woman…oh dear, I’m treading on difficult territory here and I have so much more to say on that topic…)

I understand the concept behind things one might use in sex play but this seems to be simply jewelry for the junk. Inexplicable.

Still, I know you’re dying to buy one, so hurry right over to bodybody.com and peruse the options, which include jeweled penis jewelry, a pearl chain thong for men and insertable crystal orbs with gold pendants.

Shudder.