It may look easy, but it’s still heavy

March 29, 2023


Just because someone carries it well
doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.

Well, I sure do have a lot to say about this.

I’ve always been one of those people who looks like she can carry a lot. Oh, not physically. But people have told me far too often, “Oh, you’re strong enough to deal with it” or “You’re far more adaptable than I am.”  You get the drift.

That’s because I carry things–emotional burdens, the weight of my life history, the things that have happened to me–I carry these well. It can look…easy. My strong personality makes it  look like I can take the weight and even blows.

But here’s the truth:

I might carry it well, but it’s still heavy.

Still something to contend with.

I flinch at a blow and I hurt like everyone else.

Most people don’t see me as someone who needs help. Support. A lift.

But I’m no different than anyone else. I need those things. I want those things.

And the astute friend understands that.

Is there someone in your life who looks super-strong? I’ll bet she could use some love.

I’d put money on it.

16 comments on “It may look easy, but it’s still heavy
  1. Diane Tolley says:

    Carol, I understand. I really do.
    My daughter has been through terrible things. And because she is strong others–even members of our own family–blithely brush off her troubles. But she has been more deeply hurt than all of them together. I ache for her.
    You are in my heart, my friend.

  2. Kathleen Canrinus says:

    I’m with you on this having been described as strong for most of my life. I’m tall too, which adds to the impression of strength.

  3. Laurie Stone says:

    Carol, I admit, you do seem like someone who can handle a lot. You seem so strong and capable. But you’re also human. We all have to learn when to put that burden down.

  4. Mona Andrei says:

    Short and powerful. That’s what I love about this piece. Thank you so much for sharing. We have a lot in common. Having raised four kids by myself, I’ve often had to “look like” the strong one. But only our insomnia knows what really goes through our minds.

  5. Lauren says:

    Sometimes those who look like they can handle a lot, just need a friendly check-in. Mind you…I am not that person who can carry a heavy load. You seem like you are. You OK? <3

  6. Susan Cooper says:

    Well said, I feel the same. My emotions are all over the place, and not in a good way.

  7. Rita says:

    Yes, my family relies on me to be a leader, but at times, I need help, too.

  8. Jennifer says:

    I have always been seen as the “strong” one who can carry it all. Years ago, my father had an operation that left him unable to walk. He was bright and cheery with everyone except me. I walked into the room, and my father, could no longer contain his anguish. He asked me, his youngest child, for a knife so he could kill himself. I didn’t stay very long, and luckily, a new priest from our Episcopal church came along and cried with him. It was exactly what he needed. He hadn’t cried yet. But that was a hard burden for me to carry, to know that he was thinking of killing himself.

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