Still waters run deep

September 6, 2017

still-watersEarlier in my life, when I’d met grief only briefly and it wasn’t the intimate friend it is now, I tripped over myself with a grieving loved one.

He’d lost his teenage daughter in a horrible accident. And while he grieved heavily at the time, after the memorial service he never mentioned her. To anyone. Since we lived together, this was something I knew.

Three years on, in a quiet moment, I said, “You never mention, L…do you ever think about her?”

I know. Tone deaf, right? Like I said, at the time, I hardly knew grief and certainly had no familiarity with with quiet grief.

So when he responded with tears I was taken aback.  Those tears? They were perfectly normal. Still waters run deep.

That scene came to mind when I read this beautiful excerpt from Susan Frybort’s life-affirming book, Open Passages/Doors and Windows to the Soul :

Sometimes the silent ones shed quiet tears. For those who carry the sadness of loss after weeks, months, even years have passed: Time will go forward, yet because you have loved so deeply, the sorrow you feel remains heavy.  Allow the space for grief to stretch out its beauty and sign out its pain…to be cherished in remembrance as part of love’s story.

I can’t add anything to these profound words except to highly recommend her book, which is a collection of her reflections on life’s milestones and transformations. Just beautiful. I know many of you enjoy gentle and inspirational reading. This would be a book to purchase and keep on the beside table for inspiration or comfort. See the affiliate link above.

If you or someone you love is grieving, please consider our resources at A Healing Spirit.




27 comments on “Still waters run deep
  1. Grief is a tricky thing. It’s hard to know what to do or say to help someone who’s going through it. I love your resources.

  2. You never really know what someone is feeling. When I was younger, I used to think I could judge what a person was going through, but the older I get, the more I realize that that’s just not the case. As always, I love reading your posts.

  3. I lost my father when I was 9. To this day, I still yearn for his presence, for his warm embrace. I consider this a price to pay for having loved an amazing man all my life. I lost my sister a few years ago, and her leaving has helped me focus on the time we have today. Grief is a strange animal – but I would continue the grieving process if that meant that I have loved the person with all my heart. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Meagan says:

    Grief is so difficult. You go through your day thinking you are getting better. Then you smell the wrong smell, hear the wrong song, or go to a certain place and it all floods back.

  5. Stephanie says:

    I remember losing one of my closest friends in college to cancer. I was a mess for weeks. I just coasted through that semester. After a while, I was able to look back and remember the good times we had together. I still think about her often, but it doesn’t bring me to tears anymore. But everyone is different and we all have our own ways of coping.

  6. Joline says:

    That’s written beautifully. I lost my grandpa (my grandparents raised me) more than a decade ago and I must say the sadness doesn’t really go away. I’ve moved on and can say I’m happy most days but when it’s quiet and nobody’s around is when grief suddenly, silently creeps back in. I guess it doesn’t really go away.

  7. The Grieving associated with loss is a constant process that softens only with the passage of time. To help people through I just like to let them know I am an ear and a shoulder they can rely on anytime they need me.

  8. Sounds like a good book! Grief is so difficult and everyone has their own way to cope for sure

  9. Cecilia says:

    Such a beautiful post. Yes they really do run deep, It is so difficult sometimes to speak when you’re going through hardships. All you can do is to let those tears fall and hope that someone can understand what you’re feeling and going through through your tears.

  10. This is proof that we deal with grief differently. It takes experience to realize that and it’s amazing what you’re doing for people who are grieving.

  11. Ramona Spires says:

    Such a touching post. We all have to deal with grief in our own way. When my brother died there was a song that I could not listen without crying. I remember being in store when this song came on and I could not stop crying. It took me years before I could listen to this song without crying.

  12. Dogvills says:

    I believe in that quote, “Silent waters run deep.” It does not only convey grief, but it represents a person’s strength and inner struggles. A person may seem okay but deep inside he/she is suffering. Let us be more aware of other people’s feelings and show empathy to help them to overcome their battles.

  13. Kita Bryant says:

    My mom told me the best words when I was younger. You never get over it, you just learn to cope.

  14. Kim says:

    This is such a beautiful post! Everyone certainly grieves in a different way.

  15. Losing someone is so difficult. We’ve had much pain in our lives and our grief was different each time. When it’s someone else who is grieving it’s so hard to know what to say or do. We just all need to find our own way to go on.

  16. I can’t imagine the pain. I have three children of my own. I really can’t say more but that I am sending love to your partner. Thank you for this reminder. It is moments like this that remind us to be kind to all because you don’t know what they are dealing with day to day.

  17. Crystal says:

    We lost my nephew to a form of leukemia that took him in under a week. It’s been almost ten years, but my family is still healing. Not sure we will ever be the same. This sounds like a wonderful resource for those grieving.

  18. Grief is such an intense emotion and can last so long. I remember my ex losing her brother. And in some ways, I still don’t think she is over it nearly 11 years later. Definitely food for thought here.

  19. sonali jain says:

    Amazing post, Grief is so difficult and everyone has their own way to cope. everyone has their own experiences with this always!

  20. Christiana says:

    Grief is a terrible feeling, it never really heals it just fades with time. That book sounds like a great read.

  21. THena says:

    What a great post, thank you for sharing. Beautifully written.

  22. Annemarie LeBlanc says:

    Grieving is something we don’t want to even look forward to. It is devastating to lose a loved one. When I lost my dad, I did not want to talk with anyone. The more people wanted to console me, the more it hurt. I guess people grieve differently, some show their sadness, others keep it within them. I think the book Open Passages/Doors and Windows to the Soul would be a good gift for a friend who is grieving.

  23. Debbie says:

    This is so true Carol and something I can relate to. Thank you.

  24. Laurie Stone says:

    I can’t imagine grieving so hard, you can never talk about it. That’s what’s so poignant about that poor man and his horrible loss. Men especially keep so much inside.

  25. Lee Gaitan says:

    It is such a complex process and so individual. At times, you seem to be over the “active” part of grieving, the most debilitating phase, and then the simplest thing, a smell, a turn of phrase, the way the light falls on the water, triggers you, and you are right back in that space again. I think it loops around many times and then eases, but never really goes away completely.

  26. gary says:

    I’ve learned as I gotten older never to ask about painful memories. We all have grieved for one reason or another cope in our own ways.

  27. Anna Palmer says:

    Oh how much we can all learn. Have you spoken with your friend about your changed relationship with grief?

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