Stop explaining.

April 20, 2016

A new friend said to me the other day, “I appreciate your courage in writing so openly about your spiritual experiences.”

I laughed, because I have nothing at stake. No clients or employer I need to be careful with. I can be myself, without pretense. I learned to stop explaining a while ago.

Not everyone believes as I do, but then, not everyone has had the experiences I have. But the comments to posts I do about past lives or talking to those who have crossed to the other side have shown me that far more people have experiences like mine than I thought. Most aren’t open about them. They can’t afford to be.

But I CAN afford it because I don’t need to hide from anyone and I don’t require anyone’s approval. It’s a liberating feeling.

And I no longer feel the need to explain myself. Not everyone will get it, and that’s okay with me. Everyone’s journey is their own, and since we all end up in the same place–the afterlife–we’ll all find out soon enough.

The idea that we can stop explaining is not limited to those one-off opinions some of us might hold.  It’s relevant to anything: the way we raise children, have a career, work or don’t work–whatever.

Any time we find ourselves defending ourselves and over-explaining, it’s good to remind ourselves that not everyone will get it and that’s okay.

It’s enough that we get it.

41 comments on “Stop explaining.
  1. ryder ziebarth says:

    Ahem to that. It’s a gift God gives us for our 60th birthday.

  2. Carla says:

    I could not love this more. I think I started living completely unapologetically around age 35 and even when I’m feeling lost – – that part of my life still has never felt better.

  3. I agree! I don’t think too many people get me and that is OK, because I don’t get me half of the time.

  4. Candy says:

    Well said and very true

  5. Sasha Johns says:

    All the yes. Yes to this.

  6. Elena peters says:

    Can I just say I love you! Thank you for the reminder that I don’t owe anyone an explanation.

  7. Amen. (I say that a lot about your posts, Carol!)

  8. I love this and look forward to totally not caring! I wish my entire family was not on FB and that I could write blog posts about some things that I simply can’t.

    I love your honesty – that is what I enjoy most about you!

  9. Helene Cohen Bludman says:

    It is liberating, isn’t it? And I hope you will keep on writing about your spiritual journey because I enjoy reading about it.

  10. I find it fascinating and I love hearing about it, I am trying to figure out what it is that I believe but I do know that there is something more after this life and I love hearing about your experiences.

  11. Anna Palmer says:

    This is EXACTLY how I feel when people compliment me for my honesty about fighting depression. I am so lucky to be “unaccountable” to anyone outside of my immediate and loving family. It is a privilege to be able to express things that are taboo to many because they need to keep up a public face. Love this.Here is a link to my rambling post that ends with a similar point to yours.

  12. Thank you for that. I need to remind myself from time to time that not everyone will like me, or what I have to say.

  13. Camille says:

    Exactly what I needed today. I have an ongoing issue with another person that some others don’t seem to “get.” I’m going to have to let it go. Not everyone will understand, and they don’t need to. Thank you for this piece.

  14. Glenda says:

    Love this Carol! Often times I think people pretend not to get it or you because they don’t want to feel obligated to offer kudos to you for being brave, or living outside the box.

  15. You can say and believe and think any old thing you want to…and shout it from the rooftops if you want to! You rock, Carol. I am going to meet you at BAM next year!

  16. Laci says:

    I am very open !!! And I don’t feel the need to explain at all I love it.

  17. Barbara says:

    This seems a little ‘woo woo’, Carol. 🙂

    I, too, have reached a time in my life I do not want to be accountable to anyone but, me. It is so liberating. You keep on keepin’ on!

  18. great post! I love the freedom allowed by working for myself.

  19. cori says:

    I know I’ve had experiences with those that have crossed over, but everyone thinks I’m making it up, until I say something that there’s no way I could have known it prior to my interaction. I don’t have experiences all the time, just certain people who have been in my life.

  20. Alana says:

    Amen. The liberating moment for me was somewhere between 50 and 55. And I’ve become outspoken in ways I never imagined (I’m about as quiet and introverted as they get. Don’t ever try to call me!) Is the world going to end if I speak my mind? (although I don’t in my blog…well, I’ve had my moments outside of blogging.) So, go for it, Carol!

  21. I totally agree. Who cares if no one else understands?!

  22. Bree Hogan says:

    I’m not completely there yet but I’m working on it! I love the freedom that comes from knowing that you don’t need to explain anything. I think some of the confidence to have that attitude comes from getting older. I’ve seen the change in my Mum over the last few years and how liberating it’s been for her.

  23. Angie Scheie says:

    You nailed it. I think when we aren’t worry about what other people think it allows us to be truly authentic and fearless in our writing.

  24. Jessica says:

    I love this quote from your post,

    “Any time we find ourselves defending ourselves and over-explaining, it’s good to remind ourselves that not everyone will get it and that’s okay.”

    So empowering!!!

  25. Roxy says:

    Girl YES to all of this! I don’t consider myself to be especially open and honest, I just tell it like it is. I try my best to do so without hurting feelings or being overly harsh, but if I’m feeling some type of way about something you can typically see it all in my face. I recently realized, like you said, not everyone is going to get it and beyond certain situations explaining myself should not be expected. You go girl!

  26. Liz Mays says:

    Amen sister. If we just do us, the rest falls into place. It’s no fun to pretend otherwise.

  27. Donna says:

    I admit there is still a place in my soul for acceptance, but I know it Won’t come from everyone. Being ok with that is what crystallizes our beliefs.
    If I am not ok with people disagreeing with me then I need to rethink my beliefs. It’s a good day when we are peaceful with our lives

  28. I’m really glad you feel comfortable writing so openly no matter what the topic 🙂

  29. Leslie Rossi says:

    i’m still waiting for this. i catch myself occasionally

  30. sue says:

    It took me almost 58 years to become brave enough not to keep apologising for my opinion. Thanks for reinforcing that for me Carole.

  31. Faye says:

    LOVE this and agree! If someone is strong in their convictions, they won’t care who understands and who does not. No explanation necessary.

  32. Lee Gaitan says:

    Yes, when we finally do reach the point of really meaning “ti’s okay” when some don’t get us, it’s a day to celebrate!

  33. Christina says:

    This seriously should be everyone’s mantra…’not everyone is going to get it and that’s okay!’

  34. Stacey W says:

    so awesome to be yourself.

  35. It is a real freedom when you can give up on needing everyone to understand your motives or beliefs all the time. I remember torturing myself trying to ‘make’ someone understand and now I can let it go and also give them the freedom to own their beliefs. Ahhhhh…serenity.

  36. Jessica Kirk says:

    I’m a recent Catholic convert and I’ve found that it was easier for me to share my spiritual thoughts and beliefs before I converted than it is now. I feel like most of my friends and family roll their eyes when I start talking about my religion and the friends and family of mine that are Christians (I have friends and family who are Pagans and other religions lol) think I’m spouting some crazy stuff because I’m Catholic. On my blog though I write unapologetically. I’ve warned my readers in advance that you never know what I’m going to write about lol.

  37. Silly Mummy says:

    Yes, that’s very good advice. It’s harder than it sounds to do, but definitely worth aiming for! I often try too hard to explain.

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