Stop sleeping with stupid men

July 28, 2015

I found this note the other day in a pile of old papers I was sorting through.

It was one of three lined sheets torn out of a small, spiral-bound notebook. The pages  contained mostly unintelligible phrases in my handwriting. I say mostly unintelligible, because this message, this advice, came through loud and clear.

Stop sleeping with stupid men.

To whom did it refer? Who gave me this advice? Was it some sort of psychic reading? A discussion with a friend?

I read the pages over and over, trying to find some reference that would help me identify –at the very least — a time period in my life. My guess is that it was post-2004 but before I got back together my husband.

But who knows? It could have been any time that I was single.

A few minutes earlier I’d run across a photograph of me and my mid-1980s boyfriend, who was 10 years younger than I. I was 33 when we met. He was 23. I love that photo:  I was young and gorgeous. And he was VERY cute. But he WAS kind of stupid.

On the other hand, I don’t think the note is 30 years old.

See, this is the thing I hate about my memory. It fails at some of the most inopportune times.

Wouldn’t you want to know why someone told you that?

Maybe you’d know right away. You probably would, right? But not me.  I was single a long time and there are definitely some candidates who would qualify as “stupid” and “men” and about which that advice would be very good advice, indeed. Because for a very long time, brains were really unnecessary. Oh, I know. You’re surprised, right? Well, you’re only surprised if you didn’t know me back then. Brawn over brains was my rule.

But still, I’d love to know what that particular reference was about.

So, hey, if you knew me when I was single and you think you know to whom this advice –command, really–referred, spill it in the Comments. Feel free to have as much fun with this as you want (and here I am talking to a couple of my male BFFs…I know you’re thinking it, so just spill it.)

My old, fried brain will thank you for it.

24 comments on “Stop sleeping with stupid men
  1. Mine would have said “unfunny men.” I have always been attracted to people who make me laugh. Which, to some degree, requires some smarts.

  2. Helene Cohen Bludman says:

    Gah! That would drive me crazy, too. Our memories are so selective, aren’t they? I marvel sometimes about the trivia I have retained and the important things I have forgotten.

  3. Haralee says:

    Intriguing for us, infuriating for you! Perhaps it was a general reminder like stop eating white bread?

  4. Estelle says:

    That’s so funny. Hope you figure it out. I always was the opposite–brains plus a neurotic personality was my drug of choice in men. I finally got rid of the neurotic personality part–and now I’ve been married to the brain/brawn guy for ten years.

  5. Diane says:

    Okay, I laughed when I saw your title. I don’t know why. It just seemed like . . . good advice for all of us. Succinct and to the point. The ‘whys’ of it pale when considering the message. Just know that you were smart when you wrote it. And smart to share it with us!
    P.S. I have a message to myself – written not so long ago – that reads ‘fanning dad’s behind’. Now what do you suppose I was trying to remember with that?!

  6. Mine would have said “unavailable men.” But considering how awesome I am, that could also mean stupid 🙂

  7. I certainly went through my Brawn-over-Brains period. I choose Brains and Funny. And good kisser. That’s important. Hahahaaa

  8. You were talking to someone on the phone and she was complaining…again and you scribbled ‘stop sleeping with stupid men’ because that was her problem and you wanted to remind yourself to tell her that once she was done complaining.
    I could have written myself that same note or a few others like abusive, lying, unemployed and felons. I was single for a long time too.

  9. Sandy Nelson says:

    Can’t resist jumping into a confessional… mine would read “Stop the madness right now! You’ll never be more important than booze is to an alcoholic.”

  10. Beth says:

    When I got divorced 15 years ago, I wrote a note to myself that said…
    “End the date immediately if the guy has a wimpy handshake.”
    There was no way I could respect a guy who didn’t understand the importance of a “firm grip” 🙂
    Thanks for sharing via Better After 50.

  11. Mary says:

    Oh, I hate when that happens! I write something down with nothing to help me remember why I wrote it. You note is great advice, one we should hand down to all the young women we know. Thanks Carol, I will be passing your message on.

  12. Ha ha! I hope you figure out who this referred to. Can’t wait to read a follow-up!

  13. Janie Emaus says:

    Mine would have read stupid and uncaring!

  14. Keriann McKenna says:

    You said to have fun so…psychically I’d say it was probably a quick hook-up with a good looking guy who was decent in bed physically, but that’s all there was. He had no interest in an emotional relationship. I see a tall hunk of a guy, brown hair, eyes that would draw in just about anyone, a Matthew McConaughey type voice, and he was funny…sexy laugh. I can’t say for sure how often or how many times you connected, but aside from all the above, he didn’t have much to offer and that wasn’t enough for you. You weren’t meant to be with him anyway, you knew it, and “Stop sleeping with stupid men” was a note to self. And a very wise one!

  15. Maybe there is a time in life where good advice goes out the window and that’s why it was forgotten – I just love that you can’t remember which stupid man it referred to! Nice to see that regardless of failing memory, you still ended up happily ever after. ~ Leanne

  16. I’m thinking there was never a time in your life when you were “stupid” so my guess is that you wrote it for a friend and then had second thoughts of giving it to them. That’s just my guess!

  17. Timeless advice, no doubt! Mine would read ‘shiftless men’ and ‘men who can’t commit’!

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