At dinner last night I spent time talking with a middle-aged-woman who married later in life. At age 46, to be exact. She’d lived an interesting and independent life, and had become a strong woman in her own right.

She said that she didn’t marry for a long time because she didn’t want to be in charge in her relationship. That if she partnered up, it could only be with a man strong enough to take care of HER. Who would listen to her very good input, of course, but who would be the one in charge.

It’s easy to misunderstand this. It’s not at all about equality.

When she married her very cool husband, she didn’t give up a thing. She is still the strong person she always was. But she is enjoying the pleasure of sharing decisions and not always being the one in charge.

I completely understand this because I feel the same way. As a very strong woman myself, it’s been hard for me to find a man stronger and able to be the one to take care of me. It’s a delicate balance, this sharing.

Some people like to think in broad and polarized strokes. If you want a stronger man, you must not be a feminist.

But it’s not that way at all.

It’s an incredible pleasure for a strong woman to relinquish the reins of her life for a while.

It was a great dinner conversation and I thank K. for putting it in perspective so well.