The Rapture’s coming. This week.

May 17, 2011
Live it up while you can this week…

There’s a lot going on this year–the Bible says this is the year the world will be destroyed.

That’s right. Here’s how it lays out on the Biblical Calendar according to evangelical Harold Camping, who has done the math:

May 21, 2011: Judgment Day -The Rapture

Oct 21, 2011: The End of the World

So the Rapture’s a few days away and there’s so much to talk about. Of course, we’re expecting a big earthquake to kick things off. It’s supposed to be the biggest earthquake in the world. If it’s bigger than the one Japan just went through, it’ll be a mighty shake.

True believers will be swept up to heaven in what I’m sure will be an orderly fashion. We will not argue about what constitutes a true believer. Fundamentalists believe we have to say we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour, stricter fundamentalists want us to say it differently or it won’t count, and others say if we believe in God and Jesus, we’re going up.

Now, apparently, if we’re not saved this Saturday, then we’re stuck here with all the other heretics till the End of Days. Fortunately, that’s not too long: October 21. Anyone can do anything for five months.

Still, few things worry me.

If I’m going up, and if there’s a Rapture then for sure I am, what will happen to Riley? Because he’s a pretty naughty dog and I’m not certain he is a believer. Is it too late for religious instruction?Riley lounging, awaiting The Rapture

Should we bother to have the arbor built and landscaping completed? For just a few months? Well, we can’t take it with us. Or can we? What does the Bible say about that? Can we try?

This also raises a critical question. Did my husband come back just so he wouldn’t have to burn in hell? Because there was a day when I was certain he would. Just askin’.

This is the Hebrew year 5771. Did Jews actually MISS the end of times by 3,760 years?

I have quite a few really nice Jewish, Hindu and Buddhist friends. Do they really have to stick around til the End of Times?

And then what? Hell? I don’t think so.

And what about the Mayans? Do they get to stick around ’til THEIR end of times, December 21, 2012?

One good thing for Biblical literalists*: if it turns out Camping’s math is wrong, there’s always 2012.

or New Math.

OR they can see the Bible for what I believe it is:

a collection of stories that might or might not be true meant to teach people who lived in another time and that wasn’t written in English and has been interpreted and reinterpreted many times over 2,000 years; for all these reasons, literalism is completely illogical.

*Apparently, Biblical literalism began with Protestant Reformation. And no, I’m not just saying that because I’m Catholic. Without a Pope to guide them, Protestants needed something, which turned out to be the Bible . I’m not saying our early Popes had a better plan. After all, I watch The Borgias. I’m just saying that the simple Golden Rule seems to work real well. When we implement it. If we’re not too busy dancing in the streets to celebrate the enemy’s death. Geesh….good thing the Rapture’s coming, this is getting too complicated.

Borgia Pope with his mistress.
Ok, it’s really Jeremy Irons,
but he’s playing the Pope.
10 comments on “The Rapture’s coming. This week.
  1. Bad dogs don’t go to heaven, or so I think it says in the Bible. So Riley should just enjoy these last four days….which is like three years to him anyway. I think.

  2. John, what a good point! I’ve told him; he’s not happy.

  3. Kelly says:

    this would explain why my cat disappeared last month. he knew.
    this is good. technically I’m still married for the rapture. and I may be in pismo with my boyfriend when it happens. all perfect timing really LOL.
    Man I wish I had credit cards right now…

  4. Kelly says:

    oh hey, what is that figure in the bottom center of that picture doing? there are legs and…well…I just …I thought only dogs could do that…??

    just needed to know. before I go. or before I’m left behind. cuz if I’m not going I’m going to spend the next 5 months figuring out how to do that…

  5. Kelly, I can not stop laughing!

  6. Yes, but Pixsie, what happens on Oct 21?

  7. Care says:

    “…the Bible says this is the year the world will be destroyed.” There is no scripture that indicates when Jesus will return. Jesus Himself said that only the Father knew the times and seasons of His return to set things aright and bring this age to a close.
    Harold Camping does not speak for Christians; I have no idea who he is but he has a very poor working knowledge of the Bible. As do you, Carol. You are far braver than I am to mock. Or more foolish.

  8. Hi Care. I’ve always believed that people can feel free to believe what they want to believe, and I’ll believe what I believe. The God I know is not going to come down and sweep everyone away on a certain day and only if they say magic words. Christianity is fairly inconsistent about who is “chosen” and who not — even among their own. I think it’s a fantasy. As I wrote, I believe the Bible is meant as a teaching tool, not to be literally interpreted. The lengths to which people go to “interpret” to fit their belief structure is incredible. I believe there is a creator, we are all made by that person and how we live determines that fate, not where or how we worship. I have no fear because I do not believe in a punishing God. Oh, and my God also has a sense of humor. My life is living proof.

  9. PS rather than “person,” I meant “entity.” ;-)(

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