The vibe matters

October 13, 2013
Little He relaxing in the Zen Room

Little He relaxing in the Zen Room

Going to the doctor’s not fun–not for us and not for our pets. When our almost 16-year-old rescue dog (who’s been with M. since two months of age) began to have serious mobility problems, we took him to a veterinary specialist in orthopedics and neurology.  We talked about pain relief, and I asked “What about acupuncture?”  To my surprise, the vet said that some 60% of dogs with Little He’s problems found some relief from acupuncture, and he referred us to a holistic vet a few miles away.

Little He’s a nervous dog–“anxiety” is his middle name— and we expected the normal shedding and shaking in the holistic vet clinic. But also to our surprise, he remained cool and calm–happy, even, from the moment we entered.

“It’s our claim to fame,” the vet-acupuncturist told me, with a smile. “We keep our vibe calm and unhurried, and very different from a regular veterinary office.”  That’s for sure!  She brought out a bed for Little He and as you can see, he was perfectly relaxed. And so were we.

LH acuFor an old dog to have some 20 needles inserted, well, it’s got to be a big deal. But he tolerated them well and then laid down to rest while they did their magic. When his 20 minutes were up, he was almost disappointed to have to get up. The rest of the day he was remarkably calm. Pain-free, too.

When I contrasted his response to every other time he’s been to a vet clinic, I realized that the vibe does matter. Even for dogs.  He’ll be going once a week for the foreseeable future, and we can tell already it’s an outing he’ll look forward to, not fear. Which means the treatment is more likely to be effective. The vibe helps.

WHCicon-03Image credit

I don’t like getting my annual mammogram.  No, it’s not because it hurts (it never has) or that I’m modest (never in a medical setting) or that it’s invasive.  It’s because I’m afraid. Anxious.

Too  many of my friends have been diagnosed with breast cancer and back in the early 1990s, I had a benign lumpectomy. At the time, I wasn’t even particularly concerned about it, perhaps the ignorance of youth, or maybe I sensed it was benign. But these days, looming test results are a lot more scary.

For 20 years I went to a breast imaging center that was woman-centric. Breast imaging was all it did. The vibe was calm and peaceful. The techs were good.  It was affiliated with the hospital in which I had my lumpectomy, so I was reassured that they had 20 years of films for comparison.  But it was almost 20 miles away from where I now live.

More than a year ago, the hospital bought a smaller hospital just a few miles from me and affiliated their imaging capabilities with the center I’d been going to. The same comparisons could be done and it was much closer to my home. I thought it would be a comparable experience.

I was wrong.

At 8:30 on the morning of my 10am appointment I got a call that my appointment was pushed forward to 11am because there was an overlap in a procedure. I wondered what that was all about, since it had never happened at the original center. I mean, how hard is it to book appointments that don’t overlap? And what did “procedure” mean?

I believe you can tell a lot about an operation by the way it’s run and this was not reassuring.  When I got to the hospital, they directed me to Radiology. The waiting room was old, dated, rather shabby. Patients were being wheeled in and out. I realized that this was actually a full-on Radiology Dept, not the breast imaging center I’d been expecting. Lots going on. My anxiety mounted.  I am an admitted health neurotic at this age and I didn’t get a good vibe from this.  At 11:05am I got up and went to the man at the desk.

“Can you rebook me at the other center?” I asked. “I was expecting a breast imaging center and I’m a little uncomfortable here.”  It wasn’t a problem. My mammogram was rescheduled for the following week.

Call me crazy, call me neurotic, call me anxious–but also call me someone who responds to a vibe. I wanted to feel confident in my test. I didn’t want to go into my mammogram questioning and more anxious that I already was. If in fact I got difficult news, I didn’t want it to be here, in this place. My intuitive side spoke and I listened. Yes, the vibe matters.  I think author Lissa Rankin, M.D. (who wrote Mind over Medicine, a terrific book) would agree.

LEAN-MEANI belong to a neighborhood e-list, where I have seen the best of human behavior–and the worst.  It’s been a big shock to see how mean people can be to each other and how others pile on without giving the benefit of the doubt–or even much independent thought. Sometimes, they default to the most negative interpretation of an action and the list spins out with everyone judging and weighing in.  It’s  Lord of the Flies behavior and it’s been a disappointment.

Oh, you’re wondering how I got past midlife without noticing that people behave in disappointing ways.  Well, call me a cock-eyed optimist. The real truth is that instead of growing a thicker skin as I aged, it’s gotten thinner. More things about life sadden me than did in my youth.  As one of my favorite inspirational writers recently wrote in her newsletter …”some of the certainties I held when I was younger have crumbled in the face of life’s unpredictability.”  Thank you, Oriah Mountain Dreamer for putting what I feel into words.

The vibe of the e-list community has gotten off track this year and I’m sorry to see it. Because the vibe matters–especially in a community.  I’ve seen this happen in online communities as well, with people weighing in on things they know little about, at least not first-hand, and with factions developing pro and con. Why? It takes so little to be nice to everyone. It breaks my heart to see such mean-spirited behavior.

Recently, a Facebook friend posted some very horrible things in response to comments from one of my other friends. It was vile commentary and I immediately deleted it. The friend who was attacked told me that the Buddha advised to “avoid negative people” and I think that’s good advice. Avoid negatives of all kinds, really.

Paying attention to the vibe is just good sense. It’s pretty clear, too, when someone’s being vile or a mean girl or boy. Very clear.  And when that happens, my friend’s comment rings in my ear.

As the Buddha would say if he were here: The vibe matters.

the-buddhas-teachings-on-love-are-clear

 

 

18 comments on “The vibe matters
  1. Blessings to you all, and thank you for writing this post.

    Let’s always speak our minds, speak in truths, listen to our bodies, and remove toxic people.

    And always, ALWAYS, take care of our pets the way you are taking care of yours. After some horrible pet events I learned about yesterday, I was thrilled to read about the nurturing and compassionate care you give to your beloved dog. Thank you for that, Carol.

    • admin says:

      We love our boys!! Yes, toxic people are an abomination. The Buddha was so wise. 😉 Practical advice from the ages and I’m listening!

  2. I have never ceased to be amazed at how quickly people can develop not just opinions, but STRONG opinions, about things they know nothing about. It really is fascinating.

    • admin says:

      Yes, the human dynamic can be fascinating and puzzling. I did unfinished doctoral work in social psych and it really was riveting stuff. Most people want to belong and in the interest of doing so, let go of all common sense and human decency. It’s hard for them to see how toxic they’re acting. In fact, they don’t see it, because the drive to belong to the group is so strong. I find this Lord of the Flies piling on, or Mean Girls or vile commentary appalling, but it’s the way groups can behave. It does say ore about the people acting out than about their target. All we can do is pray for them.

  3. Carol, we both are coming from the same vibe this week in our blog posts. I am glad that you listened to your intuitive self when you went to get your mammogram. I work for a woman’s specialty hospital (in marketing) and the experience you have does matter. It’s also hard to speak up for ourselves when placed in that uncomfortable clinical situation. Bravo to you for taking care of your emotional and physical health.

    • admin says:

      Ah, then you know what I mean. The patient experience really does matter and it’s nice to know that some hospitals understand so well! Thank you!

  4. Corinne Rodrigues says:

    Carol, I’ve been meaning to read your blog for days and I think today was a great day to read it. I love how you developed this post and the story of Little He is fascinating.
    Rather recently, I learned the hard way, to avoid negative people and your post absolutely resonates with me. The vibe matters, alright and I’m making sure the ones I give too are good.

    • admin says:

      Thanks, Corrine. Little He is such a special dog and although he is close to his end of life, we want to make his journey as pain-free as possible. We were very surprised at his response to acupuncture even though we both believe in Eastern medicine. I get a great vibe from you in case you want to know. ;-__ thanks so much for stopping by, I hope you’ll subscribe tomorrow when I Have a subscriber promo coming!

  5. Bouncin Barb says:

    Carol I couldn’t agree with you more that vibes do matter. I believe positivity is necessary in life for emotional, physical and health wellness. I’m sorry your pup suffers but glad to know that acupuncture helps!

    • admin says:

      Yes, positivity has a HUGE impact. I try to remember that every day. some days are easier than others in that regard.

  6. beth says:

    So true! as usual, you are right on the money! Love your blog Carol!

  7. hank says:

    one of your best posts–so poignant both w respect to Little He and the docbox, but more so with the toxic pile-ons, often unwitting, to join the Lord of the Flies crowd behavior. Now where can we find that acupuntturist for ourselves….

  8. The overall “feel” of a place is very important, maybe moreso to our animal companions than to us. One reason I am absolutely stuck on my most recent vet is that my cats didn’t hate her. 🙂 Oh, they didn’t like to go there, but once there, they would at least come out of their boxes and act like normal cats instead of huddling into cat-loafs and refusing to come out of the carrier. Because Dr. Morris loves animals, and her every action shows it.

    Their last vet didn’t impress me or the cats. I dropped him like a hot potato.

    Online communities can turn so quickly, too. I’ve been involved in three that died an ignominious death caused, generally, by ONE person who just couldn’t leave well enough alone. And then the infighting started.

  9. Elizabeth says:

    I’m so glad your dog had relief with the acupuncture. As an anxious person myself, maybe I need some! 😉

    I also love your blog background– and I’m picky!

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