No family this holiday? Connect with loving friends.*

The winter holidays sound great, don’t they? Surrounded by loving family, we make and consume lots of food and drink and are generally of good cheer.

Does this sound like your holiday?  I didn’t think so.  {If it does, God bless and you should thank Him, because the rest of us don’t have it so good.}

Here’s what might be more representative: Holiday stress.

Parents are stretched to the max to spend huge sums to buy ridiculously expensive gifts for kids. Overindulged and overstimulated kids get whiny and act out.  Adults drink way too much and ruin the day for everyone. Those without family feel left out and bemoan their fate. They can’t wait for the holidays to end.

In my own family of origin, my father would make the rounds of his brothers, having a drink at each one’s house, and come home tipsy and short-tempered. My mother would be stressed out in the kitchen over the meal. There’d be a holiday table argument, usually generated by my father making some obnoxious pronouncement.

Not a good scene.

Truth.

I also have been at other people’s holidays during which kids ran wild, adults drank too many martinis and sobbed and everyone argued. Misery loves company.

On the other hand, I’ve had wonderful holidays with families who remain close, don’t overindulge and actually have fun.

But honestly? Rarely.

So. If you’re one of those people who dread the holidays, here’s an idea:

Reduce the scope of your celebration.

Seriously. Find a like-minded friend and have a quiet holiday together. Do things you love to do: cook a great meal, drink a delicious cocktail, go to a good movie, see an interesting video. Do some yoga.

Here’s another idea:

Be realistic.

My siblings and I are no longer in touch, and while I wish things could be different, I am realistic enough to know that’s not possible. So I celebrate the fact that I don’t need to hear another wild, conservative, anti-feminist political rant meant to piss me off. I don’t need to spend time with people I have nothing in common with. I don’t need to watch every word I say to be sure someone doesn’t take umbrage. I know that sounds harsh, but welcome to my world.

Nope. I can do just what I want to do.

Don’t get me wrong. As dysfunctional as it was, hours after I wrote this I was struck with a great bout of homesickness and wishing my parents were still alive and I were in the over-warm,  kitchen with a pot of red sauce simmering on the stove and the sound of my mother and grandmother bickering in their Sicilian dialect.  Snow outside but inside the windows were steamed up and the Thanksgiving parade blared from the TV.  But they’re gone now and so are those days. It was dysfunction, but it was what I knew and probably  not so different than many of your family holidays.

Life goes on, though, and new traditions are established, or no tradition at all.

Thanksgiving with good friend, J., in Colorado was spectacularly fun. In the spirit of the season, her table was full of friends and good cheer.  

Hubby and I absolutely LOVE to spend some holidays alone. This Christmas, it’s us and our dogs, by design. No stress. At all.

“I wish we could have a holiday together,” sister-in-love said the other day.  We do, too! She is a fabulous cook. But why do the traditional? We’re ginning up a Christmas together in Europe.

And that’s the thing. The world is very big. The holidays are very short.

Please don’t feel badly if your holiday is not traditional. Don’t feel that you’re missing out.

Instead, count your blessings.

By all means, miss out on the stress. But don’t miss out on fun.

Do something you love with someone you really want to spend time with. Or alone. Or better yet, do something out of the ordinary to celebrate the holiday.

And if all else fails, just remember: January will be here in a flash.

*yellow roses signify friendship