Turn resistance into joy

October 10, 2012
Curly Girl Design
The night was the worst; she couldn’t understand how anyone slept. 
…sometimes a moment of unconsciousness stole over her 
but then she would wake and remember again….
And reacquainting herself with this knowledge, 
after the ignorance of sleep, was even more painful
 than first hearing it on the telephone. 
But that was how it went; she knew that. 
You had to keep crawling up, not believing it, 
only to be punched back down again, 
until the truth well and truly hit home.
Rachel Joyce
The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry*
I remember times like this in my life.
Who doesn’t?
Those dark hours after a loved one dies.
Or, if someone you love has left and you feel lost and alone.
Sleep is elusive, but finally draws a veil over your sadness 
and then, upon waking, that moment when life seems to be
as it ever was. And then, the dawn of recognition
that life has changed forever.

Yes, I remember.
The shock when M. left all those years ago.
How I walked around sad and haunted for months.
And then, how I slowly pulled myself out
with the help of good friends 
and a white knight
who turned out to be temporary
even though that takes nothing away from how he helped me heal.

And those dark days after my mother’s death.
Grief, heartbreak–
it’s all loss
and there’s a recovery period for any loss.
A loving touch is always appropriate.

 It’s been a joy the past few years, to watch
 someone dear to me reach the depths of
sadness and find her way up, out and on to a wonderful new path.

It hasn’t been pain-free, 
but it’s brought her to heights she’d never experienced.
New experiences. 
New love of all kinds. 
New fulfillment. 

Of course, those peaks aren’t sustainable;
life evens out most of the time,
but what a wonder it is to stand atop them and survey life.
How did she get there?
By not resisting. 
By feeling the pain and recognizing the truth.
Letting it hit home.
And learning from it.
By listening to those who had been there before.
And to herself.

Not resisting.
Not holding on to what is no longer there.
No longer true.
No longer valid.

Doesn’t mean it wasn’t, once.
It just isn’t now.

I know a few people in that boat right now
and I’m reminded of how difficult it is
to bootstrap out of heartbreak.

But not impossible.
Just don’t resist.

Spend time with loving friends.
Let time heal you. (It will, trust  me)
And yes, eat a cupcake or two. 
That definitely helps.

Curly Girl Design again. Love love love them. Click HERE

*It’s a really, really good book. You should read it.
7 comments on “Turn resistance into joy
  1. I read a book that dealt with the loss of a significant other. It was written in this manner. It was called “Suddenly Single”. Your writing was a jarring and healing as that book is. Great capture of ridiculous pain.

  2. Jennifer Comet Wagner says:

    Thank you so much for posting this. It is beautiful.

  3. I sure hope I don’t have to deal with this anytime soon. Thanks for writing this!

  4. Grace Hodgin says:

    Wise advice and very inspiring. Death of someone we love is always the hardest road to walk and good friends help.

  5. Susan T says:

    Beautiful words! Thanks for sharing.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Keep working, nice post! This was the information I had to know.

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