Turning point

January 24, 2017

turning-point
Do you remember any particular turning point in your life?

Maybe a time when you ended a bad relationship? Or left a job that no longer fulfilled you?

This has been the Year of the Turning Point for me in a bunch of different ways.

I’ve always talked big about culling relationships that no longer served me, but really, I’m a big old wimp. I really don’t like to let go of anyone, so I don’t. I think about it, but that’s about it.  I’ll reach out from time to time and think that the friendship is still viable, even when it is clearly not. Its season is over. Still, I’m there, thinking of reasons, making up excuses.

But this year, more than any other, friendships that have outlived their usefulness have nagged at me.  You know which ones I mean. The “friends” who are passive-aggressive. Or the ones who simply do not give back what you give and who make excuses. The ones who always compare. The ones you can’t imagine being there for you if you need them. And then, thanks to this election, there are the ones whose ugliness has become unmistakeable and can no longer be disguised.

THOSE friendships.

So, before the election, this is what I wrote: I think I’m done. I think I reached the turning point. Finally.  I hesitate to make the outright, bold statement that I am because I know what I softie I am. How much I hate to jettison people who once meant something to me.  I’m thinking I need a little encouragement to stick to it, 

No more wishy-washy

But the morning after Election Day, I lost my wishy-washy attitude about it. I AM DONE. No wish-wash about it. Some folks are just not worth the time and effort I’ve put into our friendship.

it’s so very clear that I’m past due to let some go to focus on the ones who really mean something. Who are reciprocal in their love and attention. And I have a lot of those.

So, I blocked a couple people on social media. Unfriended others. Unfollowed even more. Have determined not to initiate coffee dates, hikes or any other outing with that short list of people who simply no longer belong in my life. So, buh-bye to them.

My focus is now on only those friends who have proven themselves to be true friends. And then, new friends, because it turns out there are PLENTY of like-minded women and men in my local Pantsuit Nation group and I’ve begun to connect with them. I’m liking what I see!

So I’d love to hear your stories of a time when you reached a turning point like mine, what you did, how it went and how you felt.

Thank you.

 

Save

36 comments on “Turning point
  1. I totally understand with the whole friend thing. Last year I had a girl who made being her friend so difficult, yet shouldn’t let me let go.

  2. ryder ziebarth says:

    Yes, like you Carol, there have been turning points with friends, because I hang on too long to unhealthy relationships.As I get older, I am getting better at letting people go, or at least, giving them less of my time. But the bigger turning points in my life were more intrinsic to me– letting go of things that were hurting me personally, like alcohol.The biggest turning point in my life was the day I stopped drinking.I had to drop at lot of ” friends” then, too, and believe me, they dropped me as fast as they would hot rocks, but my life changed for the better once made the decision to change for good and never look back. It was a long journey, and a hard one at times, but I can not imagine who I would be today if I hadn’t turned that particular corner in 2001.Thanks for reminding me that I am stronger than I sometimes think!

  3. I need to take a leaf out of your book and do the same. Big thing to do. Well done to you.

  4. I have learnt to let go of certain relationships, life is a journey, we dont stay in one place, so do relationships. Not everyone is welcome to your table of life…even if they were yesterday!

  5. Tyane says:

    My turning point was when I moved away from my hometown. I made the next move to be with my now-husband and moved away from my old negative life. My friends weren’t true friends, and my old job was draining life of me. Best decision I made, 5 years ago and counting!

  6. I’ve had lots of turning points regarding jobs and relationships. Much like you, I hang on to people… past co-workers, friends, and even old boyfriends. There have been plenty of times when I felt the relationship was one-sided with those who I thought were in my closer circles and thought about cutting cords, but I’m glad I never do it. Often the table turns – in times when I was really in need, sometimes those were the friends who popped up first. I’ve learned there are seasons in friendships, just as in our lives. We change, so they have to change, but those connections are still there. Some people are just better about reaching out, but it doesn’t mean the others don’t care. They show it a different way – or maybe they are going through something and are isolating themselves. But…. if some relationships are truly bringing us down, and sucking our energy, it is certainly okay to take a step back and leave some space. Good luck!

  7. Amber Myers says:

    I get it. Unless people are downright nasty, I didn’t remove anyone on social media. I understand that not everyone feels and thinks the same way I do.

    I much prefer the true friends!

  8. Lois Hoffman says:

    Your story is one people need to hear. There are people, things, places, and habits we all cling to…for what? I’m fortunate enough to have a short memory and easily shed people who don’t serve me. My turning points tend toward the positive: juggling in front of a crowd for the first time, quit my job to stay home with my children, and take precious dollars out of our savings account to start a business with no guarantee of success. Maybe it was letting go of fear. All I know is it set me free to find the best in life. Thanks for sharing.

  9. Megs says:

    I relate. I relate. I relate.
    I want to be friends with everyone! I’m not kidding!
    I love to make new friends and get to know people. It’s the step after that, though, that’s trying. I get it. People’s imperfections are annoying. People, in general, are untrustworthy. But, I am a people. And I have learned that unwarranted forgiveness is the greatest challenge …but also, the greatest gift. When I can forgive a friend before I feel they deserve it, have earned it, have apologized, or even realize they’ve overstepped – something happens in my heart that I know is bigger than all of us. Keep your light twinkling bright!
    Happy Tuesday, from the Twinkly Tuesday linkup … and much love to you, new friend.
    Megs

  10. I’ve had lots of these, both personal and professional. I’ve learned that when they happen (and it usually takes a while to realize they are happening), it’s a clear sign that it’s time for change in your life, time to move on to the next thing. Too often I stuck with something (or someone) out of a sense of obligation or not wanting to offend, but realized doing so was not serving me in the least. Great post.

  11. Heidi says:

    I went to a funeral this weekend for a man who was such a fantastic father. He left five young children. As I heard about all the great things he did with his kids, it was a great reminder to me to take advantage of the time I have. When I got back into the car, I deleted the stupid games from my phone that take me away from looking my children in the face and make me waste precious time. That’s just a small step to spending more time — and better time — with my family

  12. Lee Gaitan says:

    Like you, I find it hard to let go and make way too many excuses for people. I am loyal to a fault–shoot, I worry that I’ve hurt Proctor &Gamble’s feelings if I change detergents! But, I’m getting braver as I get older and I’m inspired by your example. And inspired by you in many other ways, too, girl! XO

  13. Wendy says:

    I’m making 2017 the year that I end my shopping addiction and also the year that I purge my home of everything that doesn’t add any value to my life.

  14. Barbara says:

    There were so many negative relationships in my young life that I became very determined about who I would let in. Some friendships have endured many many years, and the ones that haven’t weren’t what they appeared to be. I have become a pretty good judge of character after lo these many years, but this past year did show me I’ve not perfected the weeding out process completely. It’s a process.
    b

  15. I love your resolution to focus on those relationships that go both ways and mean more. I have a resolution to put more time into the friendships that I value the most and less from those “friends” that are sometimes only there to fill a space.

  16. Diane says:

    A couple of months ago, at the height of the ‘pussy-grabbing’ scandal, a person I have known for years as the self-proclaimed moral sheriff in our town told me she supports Mr. Pussy. I was shocked to my toes. I must have sat there with my mouth hanging open for a full minute. (And you know I’m never at a loss to keep on talking…) Now whenever I look at her, all I can think is, “I know what you’re thinking.” I avoid contact. Life changer for sure.

  17. Beth says:

    As I get older life becomes more dear and so are my relationships. I too had to get real about them this year. It’s been very emotional but life is too short.

  18. Lauren says:

    I’m like you…I’ll try and be friends with people and reach out even when I know it’s stupid. Sometimes enough is enough. Good for you. ????????

  19. After my husband passed away and I needed support, I learned who my true friends are. My life coach at the time said that I should surround myself during my life after 50 with people who encourage and support me and who I can trust. I’m glad I did.

  20. Laurie Stone says:

    Carol, Over the past year, I’ve backed away from several relationships. Nothing dramatic, no scenes, just quietly tiptoed away. I never regretted it.

  21. So true. You have to let go of the dead weight.

  22. Elizabeth O. says:

    I’ve had lots of turning points in my life. It’s sad to let go of people especially the friends you’ve known for years but sometimes, you really just have to break free. Either you’ve grown apart of you’ve realized that they’re not friends at all, it’s better to just free yourself from them.

  23. Ramya says:

    It’s strange how someone you have never met can express whats going on in your head so well. But i’m still in the wishy washy stage. Good for you though! Hope this year is full of positivity for you.

  24. Elizabeth says:

    I completely understand this. Sometimes folk are friends just for a certain length of time and then naturally grow apart. Life is full of change.

  25. Kelly Reci says:

    Everybody grows up in their own busy way. I had once have to let go a relationship that has no path of success, I mean, I have a dream to fullfill for myself but he doesnt have any plans for the future.. it’s okay to face the turning point.

  26. Maryanne says:

    That is absolutely true, we get used to people and habits, sometimes we just have to close our eyes and let it go!

  27. Mary Rogers says:

    I love this.Some friendships simply run their course. At 53, some of my friends have just stopped growing, practically stopped LIVING.

  28. Robin Rue says:

    This hit it right on with what I have been dealing with the last few months. I have a few good friends that I just have to ignore anything they say politics wise.

  29. Samantha says:

    There have been so many turning points. I think it has to do with maturing up to the next level. Sometimes we have to leave people behind to do this.

  30. I always have a hard time letting go of friendships but I had to this past year. When they begin wanting money every single day or asking me for other favors, I started feeling more than a little used. Friends should never put friends on the spot.

  31. Anosa says:

    I am so with you on being a big softie, it took me over 3 years to finally make the decision to end a relationship that wasnt going anywhere and wasn’t beneficial for anyone

  32. Lisa Rios says:

    My turning point is meeting my husband for the first time which changed my life for ever and then a tough decision I took in leaving my job to work from home. Both these are bit hard to decide, but once it happened it was just amazing!

  33. Silly MUmmy says:

    I think a lot of people are finding this currently. We all know people who we don’t have. much in common with but haven’t seen any reason to completely sever ties with before. But now people are showing where they really stand on so many things, and that is putting people over that line where it is not acceptable to just tolerate them as harmless.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*

Follow Carol

Welcome!

Here you’ll find my blog, some of my essays, published writing, and my solo performances. There’s also a link to my Etsy shop for healing and grief tools offered through A Healing Spirit.

 

I love comments, so if something resonates with you in any way, don’t hesitate to leave a comment on my blog. Thank you for stopping by–oh, and why not subscribe so you don’t miss a single post?

Archives

Subscribe to my Blog

Receive notifications of my new blog posts directly to your email.