Valentines and {disconnected} hearts

February 12, 2013
It seems fitting, this month of love, 
with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, 
to talk about love and betrayal. 
Everyone else is writing about the fantasy of love, right?  
Let’s be different and get down and dirty.
Of course, you might be thinking, 
who am I to talk about love and betrayal? 
I’m remarried to my first husband after 27 years apart. 
I’m living a fairy tale.  
But I wasn’t just twiddling my thumbs in those years. 
I was fully engaged in life and in the business of love. 
And therefore experienced my share of betrayal.
I don’t often revisit that place, 
but those experiences are life lessons
 that are good to remember and also to share. 
So we don’t think we’re the only ones.
When someone says they love you, there are inherent expectations. 
You expect that they’ll “be there” for you. 
That they won’t be going home to a secret wife or lover. 
That they won’t bash your head into the kitchen floor. 
That while planning your future together, they won’t be sitting in a cafe 
waiting to meet someone else from an online dating site. 
That they won’t be still trying to leave their current relationship.
These sound pretty basic, don’t they? 
When we look at them in black and white it seems pretty clear 
that it would be impossible for two people 
to build a happy life in those circumstances.
And yet, in the eye of the hurricane called love, 
how many times have we overlooked those things, 
usually with the plaintive cry, 
“But I love him!”
Yes, yes, and I loved them, too, I did. 
I get it.
But here’s the thing:
Love requires the ability to believe in fairy tales. 
To enjoy romantic, heart-shaped valentines. 
To set aside reality and play in a fantasy world.

But building a life together? 
That calls for acute vision and a clear mind. 
It requires the ability to set limits.
And of course, give up the fairy tale and the fantasy. 
What? 
No romance? 
Is that what you’re saying?  
Not at all.
The reality is that romance and building a life together 
are two very different activities. 
{Ask anyone in an arranged marriage.}
 So.
If, on this Valentine’s Day you’re one of those
whose relationship hasn’t worked out 
because of betrayal, well,
count your lucky stars.
You deserve better.
And trust me, you can find it.
7 comments on “Valentines and {disconnected} hearts
  1. Anonymous says:

    I still believe in fairy tales. That’s the magic of love.

  2. Thank you for reminding us that Valentine’s Day isn’t all hearts and flowers for everyone.

  3. I believe in them, too. But, like miracles, they don’t happen all the time. Sometimes it takes a while. Sometimes it takes another life. That’s what I think, anyway.

  4. Valentine’s day is probably big for poem writers. However, as usual, your is different and special.

  5. Maryl says:

    Nice reality check on love and nicely put in a poem.

  6. Lucia says:

    wow that really hit home…

  7. beachlover says:

    Thanks for sharing! I do believe in “the power of love!”

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