Oh, when you were young Did you question all the answers? Did you envy all the dancers who had all the nerve?
~Graham Nash
The other day one of my high school classmates messaged to tell me another had died.
“I know you were friends,” he said.
I had to think for a moment. Had we been? I hadn’t seen her since high school graduation. And that inspired me to look back and consider how many people from high school I really thought of as friends. What makes a friend, really? And was I even capable of it back then?
Hmm.
I counted. Just a few. The rest? Largely acquaintances.
And what’s happened to those friends?
. One disappeared from the earth–no one has heard from her.
. One disappeared from my life when it was clear that nothing of our close friendship had endured.
. Another just drifted away. I’m pretty sure she sent me a strange and anonymous message once, but never responded when I got her number and left voicemail years later.
I could go on.
But my classmate’s message made me really look back at my high school self.
First, interesting that he had noticed that we knew one another. And that he’d messaged me. Even then, I had friends who were boys. Not necessarily boyfriends, but actual guy friends. Which has been true my entire life. I can think of a few male high school classmates I liked as friends.
So his messaging didn’t surprise me, even though we hadn’t been in touch. Obviously, he’d observed enough to know that I knew the classmate who had passed. Maybe the definition of “friends” in high school is different than the way I define it today. In fact, I know it is. High school is just so…fraught…isn’t it?
Memories began to surface … and emotions …that feeling of going back in time …visceral sensations … I was actually there…as a regressionist, myself, I know how powerful that can be. Maybe I would appreciate one of my regressionist friends taking me back to those years so I could re-experience them with the knowledge I hold now.
I’m reminded of Graham Nash’s lyrics to the Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young song…want to hear it? Tap this Wasted on the Way.
Look around me now I can see my life before me Running rings around the way it used to be I am older now I have more than what I wanted But I wish that I had started long before I did
And there’s so much time to make up everywhere you turn Time we have wasted on the way So much water moving underneath the bridge Let the water come and carry us away
Oh, when you were young Did you question all the answers? Did you envy all the dancers who had all the nerve? Look around you now You must go for what you wanted Look at all my friends who did and got what they deserved
So much time to make up everywhere you turn Time we have wasted on the way So much water moving underneath the bridge Let the water come and carry us away
So much love to make up everywhere you turn Love we have wasted on the way So much water moving underneath the bridge Let the water come and carry us away Let the water come and carry us away
I know I have changed since high school. I have been in contact with the grand total of four people who were high school friends. Make it three – there’s one we wrote letters back and fourth for six years after graduation. We lost touch. I’ve tried to find her time and again, without success. Then, make it two, as one, my childhood best friend, passed away in 2015. I knew an additional person who was barely on my radar, but he became a life partner of someone else I knew and I actually got to know him in our 60s. An amazing person. Sadly, he passed away last year. What would I think if I ran into my 17 year old self? I ask myself that sometimes.
I love that song by CSN&Y. Brings me right back to that time and place. I’m about to face my 50th high school reunion. I have to say there are a few people I truly look forward to seeing even though its been so long.
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I know I have changed since high school. I have been in contact with the grand total of four people who were high school friends. Make it three – there’s one we wrote letters back and fourth for six years after graduation. We lost touch. I’ve tried to find her time and again, without success. Then, make it two, as one, my childhood best friend, passed away in 2015. I knew an additional person who was barely on my radar, but he became a life partner of someone else I knew and I actually got to know him in our 60s. An amazing person. Sadly, he passed away last year. What would I think if I ran into my 17 year old self? I ask myself that sometimes.
It really is a good question, Alana.
I love that song by CSN&Y. Brings me right back to that time and place. I’m about to face my 50th high school reunion. I have to say there are a few people I truly look forward to seeing even though its been so long.
Can’t wait to see your blog post, after!
I am a totally different person today than I was in the mid-70s. I wouldn’t want to go back.