When a loss isn’t a loss

May 8, 2014

In which case it’s not really a loss, then, is it?

Finding the lesson in the situation is tricky though.

Sometimes that discovery only comes with time, because at first, we’re so consumed by pain we can’t see clearly.  Sometimes the pain grows until it’s so large it chokes out any clear thought.

Letting pain dissipate can take time, but if we don’t, our vision is clouded. Even if we deny that it is.

Once the pain becomes less acute, we have a clear view of our own responsibility in the situation, which can be painful, itself. It’s like rebound pain.

What? we think. I played a role in this? I could have made the outcome different?


That’s when the hard work begins: when we can look at the situation with clear-eyes. Truly clear eyes.

And that’s when the lesson comes into view, a little at a time.  Spend enough time thinking about the situation honestly and we can’t help but learn.

Self-reflection isn’t easy.  It’s human nature to want to make excuses.  But usually, in those dark hours of the night, we know our role in any scenario and from that, with enough reflection, we can find the lesson.

The final step is to change the way we act in the future, and that could be with relationships, at work or in any scenario.

Change is hard. There are never enough blog posts on change because that connection between learning a lesson and forming new styles and habits is hard to forge.

For now, though, it’s about turning a loss into a lesson.



20 comments on “When a loss isn’t a loss
  1. Ryder Ziebarth says:

    Here’s a credo I live by:

    God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I can’t change
    The courage to change the things I can
    And the wisdom to know the difference.

    When I know my part, I recognize I have been using my will to force a situation in to something it cannot be–that’s my bad. Once I accept what is unchangeable and out of my control–that’s my good. And when I clarify the two things, I can accept I had a part in the battle of the wills and , well, that’s when I become wise enough to walk away from what is not mine to change.

  2. Sometimes it takes a really long time too, so be patient with yourself. xo

  3. No one gets out of this life without learning some tough lessons. It’s important to be able to (wo)man up and accept that you’ve made mistakes, wrong choices, or found the wrong people – and let go and move on!

  4. Karen says:

    If you learn nothing from a loss, then it really is just that–a loss.

  5. Wouldn’t life be dull if you weren’t learning. I welcome mistakes, if you can learn from them.

  6. Doreen McGettigan says:

    Letting go of the need to be right is a tough lesson and I do hate those nights when the truth keeps me up.

  7. I don’t mind change so much, but loss isn’t anything I enjoy. I do understand the lessons we learn, but that doesn’t mean I want to learn it, mostly because it comes at the worst possible time. As if there is ever a good time. I tell myself… you will be stronger, blah, blah, blah… And I am.

  8. Taking responsibility for our actions is sometimes a hard thing to do, but a little distance often gives us alot more clarity. Hope you are okay Carol.

  9. Carol, one of the hardest lesson I have ever had to learn was to look any problem straight in the eye. If I am wrong, then I need to take care of the wrong. If I cannot change anything and it is not my issue then I need to let it go. I now act quickly to right the wrong and have quit worrying about what I cannot change.

    If I am wronged, I actually pray for the person that hurt me. It works believe it or not. I seldom hold a grudge.


  10. My worst decisions have often turned into my greatest opportunities. But usually not without a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth first.

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