When hopes & dreams crash & burn

August 13, 2011

“Hope has a vicious downside.”

-Ann Napolitano

in A Good Hard Look

My very smart, sassy girlfriend got her heart broken not too long ago.

She met a man, handsome, smart and funny. Within a couple of months, they both fell hard. When feelings are mutual it affords us a modicum of security, or so we think. Nothing is ever completely certain, of course, but when the “L” word is exchanged, the game changes. Things get more serious. More solid. Dependable.

But then, after those couple of months, came the dreaded conversation. Stuff was happening with family, he said, and although he loved her, he needed time and space to deal with these things. He needed “a break.”

Yeah. Well. Let’s break this down in the best “he’s just not that into you” way.

1. A man in love does everything he can to preserve that relationship. If he wants a break, he’s not preserving that relationship. So he’s either a) just not that into you or b) incapable of having a real relationship.

2. A man who goes from “I love you” (green light means accelerate) to “I love you but I need a break” (hard stop) in two months is not a good relationship prospect and you should run like the wind in the opposite direction. Actually, run like hell.

3. Actions speak louder than words. No matter what comes out of his mouth, interpret where he’s at by what he does.

Well, look. We women can’t help it. Most of us are hardwired to envision the white dress and veil as soon as we have the slightest feeling for a guy. We pin all our happily-ever-after hopes and dreams on the relationship. And we usually do it way too soon.

What we’re looking for, of course, is unconditional love. The knowledge that we can count on our mate no matter what happens in either of our lives, whether our mother has a nervous breakdown, our daughter gets sick or, even if we’re disabled or disfigured. He’s still there, loving us and wanting to make love to us.

Because that’s how we’d be.

When a man can’t deliver, our hopes and dreams come crashing down.

Yes, hope does have a vicious downside.

What sage advice would you give to my smart, sassy girlfriend?

2 comments on “When hopes & dreams crash & burn
  1. Karen says:

    I would take her for a pedicure, and just be there to listen. Heartbreak sucks… there’s a reason it’s called heartache. Best wishes to you and her

  2. Anonymous says:

    You’re not the first and won’t be the last. Everybody plays the fool sometime….
    It’s not your fault; you trusted…

    soooo hard to deal with; it does suck big time.
    Been there and it hurts like crazy but it will heal in time.

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